Non-Erotic Dawn at Midnight By Pinuram - {Completed}

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Chapter 3: Solitary Voyage

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My room turned into a battlefield after I returned home. The cries of Abhi, babbles of Titli and she used to crawl all over the place and Papri used to talk all nonsense and run all over the place. Every time I sat for breast-feeding Abhi, Papri would sit beside me and ask me to place Abhi on her lap.

She used to look at me with pleading eyes and kiss my cheek---“Give my Bhai.”

I used to smile at her and ask her sit properly with her legs folded on the bed then gently I used to place him on her lap.

On the other hand, whenever Titli use to come near Abhi, she felt that someone has come to her house to divide her affections, so she used to look at his face closely and then all of sudden she use to slap gently on his face.

We all three mothers had tough time handling our cubs. The room looked like a battle station and we were mere spectators in the midst of the warriors.



My heart use to fill up with a halo of love and satisfaction whenever Abhi use to suckle milk. I looked at his smiling face and kissed his forehead. He looked at me with his tiny eyes and glued with me to get my warmth. I pressed him across my chest to feel his tiny thumping heart and whispered in his ears “I will keep you away from all miseries of this world, my baby.”

His eyes were big; I use to wonder as whose features he might have borne.

I asked Maithili---“Whom does he look like?” I never wanted that she tell me that he looks like my late husband. I never sought similarities of my late husband’s features in my Abhi.

She looked at both of us---“His chin and lips are like you, chubby cheeks and thin lips. However, his eyes are big, not like yours but some ones else. He has mixed features. I can’t make it right now.”

“His eyes are like my Abhi. Is not it?” I rather tried hard to find resemblance of heartthrob in my cute cub. For hours, I used to look into his face and tried hard to visualize the hidden resemblance on my love on my cub’s face. It was not my fancy but I believed that from the depth of my heart that my cub has eyes of my love.



Whenever I use to massage oil on Abhi, he used to kick me and that made me annoyed. We used to fight over his bath and like the elder one; he was very naughty. Always smiling at me with his toothless face.

In the evening, I used to carry him in my lap and use to stroll in the backyard of my house, between the fruit orchards and beside the pond. I used to stand under the mango tree and point to the tree and use to whisper in his tiny ears---“You have to be strong like this, fruitful like this tree and don’t ever never bow down in any pressure in life. Remember, life is another name of pain and love. You should get used to it.”

He used to giggle at me and look in his mother’s face as if saying “Always with you, Mamma.”

When he slept, I looked at his calm face, sometimes he fluttered his tiny lips probably trying to tell me something in his sleep “Mamma, I love you.” Whenever he stretched his little arms and legs while sleeping, he looked very cute. Every time I looked in his face I tried to, he looked different, painted as a beautiful bud, peaceful and calm as snow. I used to show him outside the window, whenever I swung him in my laps and sang him lullaby. I pointed to the outer world that was waiting for him. I used to whisper in his tiny ears “See, the world is beckoning you. You have to be strong for your mom. I have no one except you, my Dear. You are the only person in this whole world, around whom I will have to bestow my life.”



The stark reality came in front of me after few weeks. Money was weaning from my account very fast. All the expenses of my hospital and doctors; everything were conferred by me. I did not want to ask for money from my brothers. The strange fact was that they never offered me to bear my cost. Maithili tried to help me but somehow I deterred myself from asking money from her. I did not want to bring the money between our relations. One thing I was sure of that, I was self satisfied and lived with self-esteem.

After two months, the bare skeletons started to show its knuckle out of cupboard of the life. Gradually the warmth faded, the ambiance in my house started to change.



One day at the dinner table, Meghna Boudi said to me---“Paree, we live in a village. This is not a city where people lives confined in their house and don’t meddle in others lives.”

I gave a bewildered look at her; I was unable to understand as what she meant to say.

She continued---“People have started talking about you. You are widow; you changed your name to you maiden name and gave your son your maiden surname.”

I gave a helpless look at my brothers; they were silent. It dawned in my mind that they support as what Meghna Boudi was saying.

I asked her in a daunting voice---“Why do I have to care about what the people have to say about me? Did they come for my rescue, no. They never fed me or my son.”

---“But there are talks going around, Paree.”

I looked at Maithili, she winked me to keep quiet and then she asked Subroto Da---“You have not discussed with me regarding these, why?”

He fumbled for words---“Churni, we all have a life of our own. I do not want to bring any kind of disgrace or any type of foul rumors around my house.”

---“Where will she go?”

Meghna Boudi said to her---“She was saying about some job, if she gets early then it will be better for all of us.”

Maithili grinded her jaws at her husband and said---“Will you say something, or keep quiet.”

I apprehended that my days in my native place were over. I foresee that situation much before that night.

I pacified Maithili---“I told you few months back, Churni that I had to confront such days.”

I looked at all of them and said---“We will have better relation if we don’t meddle in our lives. I will go away, but I need some time to find a job.”



I could not find much words, I walked in my room and looked on the bed, where Abhi was sleeping peacefully, unaware of the facts that a storm was brewing around him. I did not know where to go; only I know that I had to go. I saw that Dushtu was sitting beside him, looking deeply on his face. On hearing my footsteps, he looked at me and I saw tears in his eyes. My soul was filled with disgust and the sight of emotions flowing down from Dushtu’s eyes made me weaker.

He gave a pleading look at me and said---“Paree Auntie, please don’t go.”

I walked near him, he threw his arms around me and broke down on my chest---“Please don’t go.”

I ruffled his hair and soothed him---“See, you are grown up boy. You will have a new place to visit during your vacations.”

---“No, I don’t want to visit you. I want you by my side.”

How do I make him understand that the society around us was talking about my recent motherhood in spite of being a widow? They do not try to delve into the reality that was responsible for my situation.

I looked at Abhi’s face while clasping Dushtu in my arms.

I said to him---“You will grow up and understand why your Paree Auntie left you.”

He shook his head---“I know, my mom asked you to leave the house.”

---“No, it was not your mom. There was something else behind all these.”



Somehow, I could not pacify him with all my words but he said nothing and went away wiping his face.



I could not sleep that night, only one thought that circled in my mind and engulfed my soul was, “Where should I go now?” I took out Abhimanyu’s diary and pressed in on my chest. Tears rolled down my cheeks and soaked the cover of the “Optics notebook.” I tried to gather courage and warmth out of the lively words written in that diary.

It was dark outside and Abhi was sleeping quietly beside me. I looked at his face before closing my eyes. I heard the door creek. I looked up to the door, there was no one.

I heard a voice, a deep hum, saying me---“Paree.”

I shivered on hearing my name from the voice I eight years ago. I looked around to find “Are you really there? Where are you, come in front of me. Take me with you. Save me from my miseries.”

---“Step out, nothing will happen to you.”

---“Sure.”

---“Yes I am, Paree.”



I ran towards the door. August winds were howling bitterly outside. I observed that, Maithili was walking towards my room. She was surprised to see me on the balcony, having a bewildered face.

I was also surprised to see her in that hour---“What are you doing? You have not slept?”

She took me inside the room and asked me sit down on the bed---“You have not slept also.”

I gave a painful daunt look at her---“I am unable to sleep.”

---“So am I.”

---“You don’t need to put your family life in fray due to me.”

---“I tried to pacify your brothers and Meghna Boudi. But you know about the village rumors and pep talks.”

---“Yes I know that very well. I lived my twenty-five years here, in this soil and earth, among these fields and orchards. Last two times I went away, I never felt so sad. However, this time, it is sad for me. But, Churni, being a thirty-three year old lady and lived a life full of pains and torment, it made me strong enough to face whatever comes.”

Her voice was choked once again, but I never felt the pain of parting that time.

---“I am really helpless, Paree.”

I took her palms and soothed her---“Don’t be. No one need to shed tears for me anymore.” I let out a long exhale, I felt lighter---“It will be better for all of us. Churni, if several utensils are in one place, then it is bound to make noise. But if you keep those utensils away from each other then they don’t make noise with each other, right dear.”

---“I beg your forgiveness for what I said for all the pains you had to bear due to me.”

---“You never hurt me.”

---“I still feel that …..”

I gave a painful smile at her lamenting face---“Abhimanyu will understand everything and will forgive you.”

---“How he will understand?”

---“I don’t know how, but my heart says that he has forgiven you. Take my word, Churni.”

She threw her arms around me and hugged me closely. I never felt so much strong in my life even in that darkest hour. I heard his voice which told me to step out, probably his voice ignited fire inside me and made me strong enough to face the world waiting for me.



Next day morning, I called Teesta and told her that I need a job badly and as soon as possible.

---“But you have to wait for exams and results, Mita.”

---“I need a job desperately.”

---“What happened? This time I do not want any lies. If you feel that I am a friend of yours then you have to tell me everything.”

I told her about the village pep talks going around and everything what my brothers said to me.

She said to me---“Why don’t you come and stay at my house?”

---“No, that is not possible. I do not want to string up any person with my doomed fate. I just need some help, please.”

---“Let me talk to Debu. I am sure he will find something for you. I think my time has come to repay what you gave me, my love.”

---“It was not me who conjoined you two. There were hidden feelings between you two I just showed both of you.”

---“God does not come down to show path, Mita. He sends messenger to show the path.”

---“Don’t compare me with HIM, I am a doomed lady.”

---“You are the most precious lady I have ever met in my life. I will speak to Debu, in meantime pack your bags; I am coming to get you.”

She paid no heeds to my pleas.

Debobroto called me at evening---“So, you want to do a job.”

---“Yeah.”

He paused for few seconds---“See, to get into college you have to pass NET and for school teacher you have sit for SSC.”

---“But there are private schools also; I can get a job there also.”

---“Hmmm…. I don’t want you to be a teacher in a private school.”

---“Beggars are not choosers Debobroto. I have to take whatever comes in my way.”

---“There is a fellowship program in Saha Institute of Nuclear Physics at Saltlake. You can work under any professor and carry on with your studies as well. I think this will be a good option for you.”

I was amazed and same time I was skeptical as how could I get into that esteemed organization.

---“Don’t worry; I have contacts in Saha Institute. You remember Rajat in our class; he is working there. I know a professor who is looking for an apprentice for his project. Doctor Himangshu Sarkar. I will speak with him. But you have to clear few procedures.”

I leapt at his proposal---“Whatever be it, I will take that.”

I was shivering in excitement. My voice choked while expressing my gratitude to him---“I am very thankful to you. I don’t know how to thank you.”

---“You need not, Mita. Friends are there. By the way, probably Teesta will come at your place in a day or two to bring at our place.”

---“I don’t want to put you in some fray. I will rent out a flat near to the Institute in Saltlake.”

---“Are you sure, that you will be able to take care of yourself?”

I replied with endured voice---“Yes, I am. I have everything with me.” My little Abhi and my Abhimanyu’s diary.



The day I travelled to Saltlake, the bus passed through VIP road. It stooped at my ChotoMa’s place. I felt huge ripples inside me. I bit my lips to control my brewing emotions “How were they passing their days, without their son? Two aged person alone in the house, living a solitary agonizing life. No one to take care of them. Should in go, but why should I go? I am not their daughter neither their blood. Will they accept me? May be yes may be no.” The bus left the stoppage and I kept on thinking all those.



I was glad to find my old peers around me, Rajat. He greeted me with warm heart. Although we were never so close in our college days, but he helped me.

I smiled at him---“After long time we meet.”

---“You have changed a lot.”

---“Really, how so?”

---“You have become bit bulky.”

I laughed out on his observation and joked---“Stalking me again.”

He shook his head---“Oh! No not again. By the way, I have spoken to Dr. Sarkar. You have to sit for a written exam and then he will take an interview. You need not exert any unnecessary tension. I have told him everything about you and he will manage.”

---“I don’t have words to express my heartfelt gratitude to you.”

---“Leave it.”

I was skeptical at first to ask him about his ladylove, Pushpanjali, because at that time I was unaware whether they were actually married or not.

I asked him---“Are you married?”

He looked at me queer face and smiled---“She will be very happy to see you, after a long time. Why don’t you come to my house after meeting, Pushpanjali will be very glad to meet you?”

I left my four-month-old Abhi in care of my beloved Churni, although I knew that she would take care of him, but mother’s soul always feel the magnetic attraction to take her child in her lap.

---“Some other day, by the way where do you live?”

---“Same place, I used to.”



Dr. Sarkar was very kind person. After finishing my exam paper, he asked me some simple queries. He was like a coconut, hard shell on the outer side and white creamy soft inner side. He was more interested in asking about my cub rather than questions of physics.

He told that his daughter live in Massachusetts, United States. He has a grandchild and he contends his heart by hearing his voice on phone.

I asked him as what was his subject of research.

---“Isotopes and nuclear matter.”

---“Interesting subject. I always loved to delve into the particle matter.”

---“Good, to find an apt student like you. However, Suchismita, being a mother and working in an Institution will take much of your energy and time. Are you ready for that?”

I never gave a second thought, I was having a lease of life in front of me, my dreams were about to be fulfilled. I was confident about the job.

---“Yes, sir. I will give my best.”

---“Think again before you commit. By the way do you have a passport?”

---“No, sir. It was not needed.”

---“You will need it. You may have to travel.”

I took a deep breath to fill my heart with the fresh air of life. I saw him standing behind Dr. Sarkar, smiling at me, as if saying to me “See, I told you to step out. Now conquer the world, Paree.”

---“I will manage, Sir.”

---“Good, so join from first October. By the way, are you going to travel daily from your village?”

---“No sir, I will rent some accommodation near this institute.”

I joined as a junior research fellow, in Saha Institute of Nuclear Physics. I was very happy that day. So happy, that I could not hide my tears when Dr. Sarkar came to bid me good-bye till the gate.

I stooped down to touch is feet, he blessed me---“May God bless you. You are very tough woman. I have heard everything from Rajat.”



I called Maithili to convey the news. I wanted to hear the voice of my child. He babbled sweetly on the phone.

His sweet babbles brought tears in my eyes---“Don’t cry, Mamma is coming to get you.”

I hurried to my home, my baby was crying for me and I cried along with him. He was only three months old and I could not feed him for six hours. The moment I saw his red face, a huge wave crashed on my heart. I took him in my lap and hugged him across my chest with all my strength.

I sobbed out---“Your mother had to go. She had no other options.”

I moved out within a week. Rajat helped me to find a two-bedroom apartment. My new address was in Saltlake, very near to my house in Kolkata yet so far from ChotoMa and Babu. The day I moved out, I remember Meghna Boudi came to me and she gave a pleading look at me.

---“I am sorry, Paree.”

I was unfazed by her words; I clasped my cub in my arms and said to her---“It is ok. No one can go against the nature of the society. I am happy to get a job in a prestigious institution and I can take care of myself.”

Dushtu was very quiet, I observed his pain same as the day I was married.

I tried to bring some smile on his face---“See; now you have a new place to visit.”

Maithili was very depressed, she came to me and said---“Take care, I am always with you.”

She took Abhi from my lap, kissed his chubby cheeks, and sobbed out---“Take care of your mom. Don’t be a naughty fellow.”

I patted her cheeks and controlled my wet eyelids---“I have no grievance with anyone of you.”



I looked at my house before boarding the taxi. Once I went away with my ChotoMa, that day I knew that my house would remain with me forever. Next time when I went away after demise of my mother, I felt that I was lost in oblivion. However, on that day, I felt nothing, as I felt those bricks were not beckoning me. I kissed Titli good-bye; she looked at me with queer gaze, trying to understand as why her mother was crying.



A new life started, as a mother and as a junior research fellow. A place; which was much known to me like my palm. I had to buy all the furniture and household commodities. I used one room as my bedroom and in another, I kept as storage room. Lots of money were spent in that, but I was happy that I was working and had some constant source of income. My apartment was only few kilometers from my Institute. I appointed a maid for twelve hours to look after my son while I was away for my job.



My soul writhed every morning, when I had to dress up, prepare my lunch and prepare food for my little baby and instruct my maid, Rina, to take care of my baby. When I kissed his face to bid him good bye, I felt crying and he would glue with me as if asking me not to go. I had to cover all my emotions with a huge boulder and shut the door behind me before walking down the stairs and walk to the bus-stand. I looked up at the balcony, where my maid used to stand with my Abhi, in her lap and waving his little hand as if saying me “Goodbye Mamma. I will be waiting eagerly to leap on your lap when you return.”



At the beginning, I was unable to concentrate in my works.

Dr. Sarkar apprehended my restlessness and cautioned me---“Suchismita, I warned you.”

A chill ran down my spine, I fumbled for words---“Sir, I am sorry.”

He was very compassionate to me---“It will take some time. You have to be strong. I never thought that a single mother would be my apprentice. I am fortunate to meet such a conspicuous and resolute lady by my side. May God bless you.”



Day by day, I dipped myself in my works. My heart writhed with thoughts that I was unable to give proper time for Abhi. Every day, when I returned from my work, I used to clasp him to my chest for long time. His tiny fingers used to scratch my cheeks. His soft palms felt awesome on my cold face. At night, when he slept peacefully beside me, I used to look at his face for hours. Tears use to flow down my cheeks, most of time. I whispered in his sleepy ears “My baby, I am very sorry. The time when you should be playing in your mother’s lap, your mother toils hard to bring happiness on your cute face.”



It was a Sunday in the month of January. I massaged baby oil on Abhi and was watching TV in the drawing room. He lay on the balcony, in the sun. Suddenly I heard him huffing, puffing, and making some sound. I ran down to the balcony to see what happened to him. I was amazed to see that he had turned on his tummy. His first turn, he tried to crawl.

I outstretched my arms---“Come on Abhi, crawl.”

He looked at me with his big eyes and smiled at me with tooth-less face---“Aaaaaa…” Moreover, he tried to crawl towards me. The sight of his first crawl and his turn brought tears in my eyes. A moment only a mother could apprehend the joy when her fawn turns and tries to crawl towards her lap.

He clasped the mattress in his fist and tried to crawl towards me.

I could not bear the scene of his struggle; his face was red as he was trying very hard to crawl towards me---“Mmmmaaaammmm…..”

I took him in my lap and showered kisses on his face---“Come on, enough for today. Now we have to bath.”

He nodded his little head---“Hmmmm…..”

I patted softly on his chubby cheeks---“Grow up quickly.”
One night I took out Abhimanyu’s diary and tried to write something. “Huh!” I told to myself “how could I write, I don’t have the capability to express my words so aptly like you.”

“Where are you? Will I ever meet you in this life time?” I turned the pages of his diary and read those lines what he wrote about me when he first met me. “The nights are very cold, Baby prince. I miss you very much. I need warmth in your arms.”



Teesta and Pushpanjali used to visit, my old friends were back again by my side. Maithili and I used to speak over the phone every other night.



One night I expressed my desire to organize “Annaprashan” for my son. I was a lonely woman so I asked her help. She did not show much interest in my suggestion and I was very much offended. For next one week, I stopped talking to her as I was very angry with her. Then on one Wednesday night, I received an unexpected phone call from Indrani Di, my eldest sister, who lives in Mumbai.

---“How are you? I have heard that you have got a job in Saha Institute of Nuclear Physics.”

I was very much surprised and happy to hear her voice after one year---“I am fine. How are you all doing?”

---“I must say, that my little sister has grown up. I feel proud now.”

I let out a deep breath “It was a time, you used to curse me like anything. You were the main person who was against my studies and when your sister has fought alone with the world and stood alone in battlefield, you have come to gather your accolades that I am your sister.”

---“Who told you all these?”

---“You never called for my help.”

It was against my self-esteem to beg in front of others---“It was actually not required. Are you coming to Kolkata?”

---“I am in Kolkata.”

I was very much surprised to hear that. Maithili never informed me that Indrani Di was in Kolkata. I got angrier with Maithili as why she did not informed me about Indrani Di.

She asked me---“Can you take a day off on Friday?”

---“Why, is there any occasion in the house?”

---“Yes, there is. Can you take a day off.”

---“Ok, I will be at my house by morning.”

She surprised me again---“No, no. You need not come at our place. Just take a day off.”

I was bewildered by her answer, probably she sensed my anxiety and she was laughing at the other end.

---“How is Abhi? I am dying to take my nephew and kiss him.”



Next day when I returned from Institute, I was very much surprised to could not contain myself on finding that all my brothers and sisters and their families were present in my house. My heart was filled up with so much of bliss that all came down my cheeks. Indrani Di, Chandrani Di their husbands, their children and my brothers and my sister-in-laws.



In that entire crowd, I could not find my son. Probably he was in the room as my house was very much crowded.

I gave a queer look at my mischievous sister-in-law, Maithili---“What is all these?”

I could not contain myself anymore, when I saw my eldest brother, Sumanto Da, coming out of my bedroom with Abhi in his lap. He was smiling at me.

---“How can I forget that I have to feed rice to my nephew.”

My heart ruptured in utter felicity. I looked all around the house everyone was smiling at me. I felt as if I was in a dream, I felt the old naughty sweet Paree to breathe the air of life.

My voice was choked; I asked my Sumanto Da---“When did you return?”

---“I returned few days earlier and I came to know everything from Maithili and Subroto. I cursed myself that my little sister has to undergo such pain in her life. I was insane to leave my life. I tried to find peace into the unknown world, when I could have found it here in my home. I searched a lot; I roamed in alleys and mountains for four years. However, torment did not leave me. I had to come back to my native place. I went and sat beside the pond and cried alone. Then I found peace.”



Meghna Boudi was very quiet all the time. I deduced form her facial expression that she was cursing herself to throw me out of the house. However, I had to leave my native place to do my job. Maithili came to me and said---“Won’t you talk to Meghna Boudi? She arranged all of these and gathered all of us. She counted days, for Abhi’s Annaprasan. That was the reason that I kept quiet last week. She wanted to surprise you.”

I gently walked towards her and said---“You did all these?”

She smiled sweetly at me---“How can I forget my son has to take his rice. It is very important for me.”

That was the priceless moment of my life, to have all my brothers and sisters around me. My two-room apartment was bubbling with crowd and noise. All those noise felt music to my ears.



Indrani Di was unaware of the fact that I loved Abhimanyu. She was curious as why I kept my maiden name and why I named my son after his name. Maithili and Subroto Da only knew the real fact. She was also curious of the fact that I was living so near to my ChotoMa’s place yet I was not living with her.

She smelled something and asked me after dinner---“Ulupi Di called me few days earlier. She was asking about you. You have not contact her? Why? They loved you as their own daughter.”

I was unable to tell her the truth. The image of Abhimanyu’s sniveled eyes and ChotoMa red face came in front of my wet hazy eyelids.

I grinded my jaws and I answered her---“ChotoMa ruined my life.”

She looked at my face. I was having pain in my soul and same time I felt pity on their aged soul.

---“Ulupi Di told me everything. She was crying a lot over the phone. Abhimanyu has not called them in last eight years. She asked me to bring you back to her.”

I was very much surprised to hear that. I lost all the words, my throat was dry and eyes were wet.

---“Do you want to talk to her?”

She handed me the mobile and asked me to speak to ChotoMa. I closed my eyes and pressed the mobile with my ear. From the other end of the receiver, I could her only long breaths. My ChotoMa was sobbing and so was I.

I wiped my face and gathered few drops of courage in my writhing soul to speak up---“How are you, ChotoMa?”

She wailed on hearing my voice and I could no more control my tears.



---“Can I see my grandson?”

I simply nodded my head “Yes.”



Next day, my ChotoMa and Babu arrived. My daze was unable to die down when I found my friends to arrive also at my place. I was amazed to find Teesta, Delisha and Pushpanjali. I gave a bewildered look at them. Teesta smiled at me sweetly, she said---“Maithili Di informed me yesterday night and then I called everyone.”

I looked around the house; my heart was beaming with morning sunrays.



I sneaked inside the restroom and looked at my face. It was creamy and vibrant again. I cried out softly to my reflected image in the mirror, “I am still alone in this crowd. Where are you? I miss you so much. See, everyone has come. Yet I am alone. In my happiest moment of my life, I have to bear the pain that you are not with me. Please call me once, I just want to hear your voice and then if you say that have you have your own life to carry on, I will never contact you. But for my sake, please come to me for once.”

Abhi’s annaprasan was held with much fanfare with close family and no outsiders. I was happy to see everyone by my side. However, amongst the crowd of the close knitted family members I felt lonely.



ChotoMa stayed back, I was caught in dilemma over her extended stay.

In the evening after everyone left, she sat in the drawing with her grandson in her lap.

She asked me---“I want you to come and stay with us.”

I smiled at her---“ChotoMa, you know everything. Every brick, every doors and windows, the room in second floor reminds his absence. I cannot go back, ChotoMa. Here I am contend with my life and my son. At least don’t take away my life now, please.”

---“I don’t want to lose you again. I have become very poor after losing everything I had. I thought that Abhi would call me after he returned to India but he never called.”

---“He never called me also. When he returned I was pregnant and I was someone’s wife. Therefore, he never contacted me.”

Tears and pain were flowing our bleeding hearts; both of us lost the most beloved person we had. One lost her son; another lost her heartthrob. Yet I restrained myself from returning to my house.



Months rolled on after that. I was engrossed totally in my work and house chores. Looking after Abhi, who was then started walking all around the house. My son completed his first year and few weeks later I completed thirty-third year on this mother earth. It was a lonely voyage of life for me after all. I knew that on the drop of my word I would find my relatives to throng around me, but I was skeptical about how long they would look after me and how long I could sustain in this cruel world alone.



It was hard for a single woman to live in a male chauvinistic society. I could feel lewd eyes hovering over me all the time. The neighborhood knew that I lived alone with my baby. Although I kept to myself, still I felt some of the neighbours to shower unwanted praises and help to get closer to me. I used to dress very simple mostly in saree and seldom in salwars. My cupboard was filled up with sarees and salwars only.



One day Dr. Sarkar said to me---“Suchismita, you need to grace yourself up. Come out of your past and show the world who you can be.”

I was unable to fathom as what he meant to say---“What do you mean Sir?”

---“Change your attire, grace yourself elegantly and powerfully. You will find a new lease of life flowing in your veins. Those unwanted piercing eyes won’t haunt you anymore.”

I was surprised to hear him say those---“But Sir how do you know?”

---“Remember I told you that I miss my grandson.”

---“Yes sir, I remember. Your daughter lives in States.”

---“She is divorcee and she knows how to take care of herself. As a father, I know the pain of a single daughter who is having a child. So be like a lioness and fight the world. May be next year you have to travel abroad for giving lecture or attend some convention. Do you think you will go in salwars and saree?”

On hearing his words, I felt as if someone is blowing courage in my soul.



I took out the diamond ring that Sumanto Da presented me and wear that on my ring finger so as to deceive the lewd piercing eyes that I was married. I trimmed my long hair, which he fascinated most, to my shoulder length. I started to work out to shape myself up. I changed my dressing sense to more elegant sarees and suits instead of salwars. I lost few pounds.



After few months, I felt that I was having problem with my vision and I went for check up. I got specs and my whole personality started to change day by day. Every morning, I looked myself in the mirror; I observed a new woman was coming out.



One night after dinner, I was feeding Abhi. The new moon was hanging on the deep blue curtain overhead. The crescent peeped behind the trees of the park in front of my apartment. Suddenly he pointed out to the crescent and said his first meaningful word---“Tola (Banana….)”

I was very much surprised to hear banana from his rosy lips.

I asked him---“Where is the banana?”

He babbled again---“Banana….”

I looked to the crescent, yes, he was true, and the crescent looked like a silver banana hanging from the Prussian curtain of night sky. Stars were twinkling around the crescent. His sweet word felt music to my ears. I smiled at him and my eyes went hazy in affection.

---“You want that?”

He gently nodded his head while munching rice.

I rubbed his nose over mine---“Mamma will bring you the moon someday.”



A year rolled over with no much of ripples in my life. Abhi started to walk all around the house. His nonstop babbles use to be music to my ears as most of the time I had to work so I showered all my love on him whatever time I spent with him.

My Abhi was growing up and he was becoming mischievous day by day. At times, he used to walk into kitchen, pulled the tumbler down, and spill water on the floor. At times, he used to walk to my dressing table and eat up my lipstick or smear the colour all over his face.



I felt deep in my heart that ChotoMa missed me very much. She used to call me every week to know about Abhi. Her words made me feel that she was missing Abhimanyu also.



Few months after my thirty-fourth birthday, during Durga Puja, I gathered myself up. On one fine morning of Dashami, I graced myself elegantly in a beautiful turquoise silk saree and looked myself in the mirror. I felt that I was a decade younger. I took my son in my lap and looked into my reflection.

I smiled at him and said---“Mamma is looking beautiful.”

He babbled sweetly and nodded his head---“Yeth….”

I showered several kisses on his cheek and clasped my cub across my chest. I was about to start for ChotoMa’s house after a long time when my sight fell on the “Optics Notebook” lying on my bed. The autumn wind suddenly blew few pages and the sound of the flutter of the crinkly pages pulled my feet inside the door. “Should I go or not? I am also a mother of a son, someday my Abhimanyu will grow up and fly away, leaving me alone in this world” I was caught in a dilemma again and that made me retrace my steps back to my house. For the first time in several years I tried to go back but the sound of the pages of his diary reminded me that my ChotoMa was responsible for my miseries. I could not step out to visit my ChotoMa’s place.



I spent my nights alone in my bed, clasping Abhi to my chest and reading his diary numerous times. I kept the diary always with me in my laptop bag, as if it was my Bible, Koran and Gita. The pains subdued with time and I felt those colourful thoughts as a dream that I relished every night. One night I was reading his words and I felt to write something about my sweet cub. My first poem about my cub came from the abyss of my heart in from of love and scratches.

***********************

Papri patar thoonth ti mele, adu adu chokhye;

Ma bole oii daklo uthye, book ti gelo kenpye |

Adul gaye tutupiye amar dike chaii;

Bolchye jeno Ma amake kole nite aii |

Bikel holyee bairee dekhaii, ghurtee ami jabo,

Altoo kore bole amai, bhujtee paro nako?

Boli ami jachii baba, ektu sobur kor,

Thopash kore galee amar lagiye dilo chor |

Mishti hathe’r porosh peye chokhyee ello jol,

Jol dekhe oii kandlo shone, book kore chol chol |

Kandle jeno, gaaner shure vashai ami tori,

Toor jonyo megher opor prashad ami gori ||

***********************

=========== END OF PART - 3 ============

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Part 4: Genesis

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Chapter 1: The Final call

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On the first week of February, Dr. Sarkar informed me about a convention and I had to travel to France.

---“Suchismita, a physics convention is going to be held in April at Bordeaux. You have to accompany with me. It will be good for your career if you attend that convention.”

I asked him---“Where is that place?”

---“France. You have got your passport ready. Institute will arrange for the visa and other formalities.”

---“But Sir, my son is too young. I can’t leave him behind.”

---“The decision is up to you Suchismita. By the way, you can bring your son along with you. It will be a great opportunity for you if you attend that convention.”

I gave astute look at Dr. Sarkar---“I need some time, Sir. You have put me in dilemma.”

---“I have already sent your recommendation to them. If everything falls into place then you can get a chance to pursue your further research in Centre Etudes Nucleaires de Bordeaux.”

I could not believe my ears, when he said that he recommended my name to an International institute. I never dreamt in my entire life that I would go outside India. However, it was happening to me. I sat on my chair with my head between my palms. I was unable to think of anything except my son and my life. My eyes were hazy as I never thought in my entire life that such an opportunity would ever knock my door, door of such a doomed lady who shed tears throughout her whole life.

---“Give a try. Bring your son along with you. I will ask my peer over there to arrange a babysitter for few days who will look after your son.”

My voice was choked and my chest rippled. I imagined my son, Abhi, who was waiting for my return---“I am unable to decide whether to go forward with your recommendation or just attend the convention.”

---“Take your time, Suchismita. I am sure; you will make a wise decision. You are matured and intelligent enough to make your own decision.”



I returned to my apartment and looked at Abhi who was playing with the maid. I looked around the house and sat on my bed. Abhi came running at me and leapt on my lap. I took him in my arms and felt “This is my world, what more do I want? My life is centered around you, your sweet babbles, your frolic nature, your naughty smile. I would like to see you grow up.”

My sight turned hazy with the thought “Will you never come to me? I seek solace in your arms, Abhimanyu. I feel very lonely today and I need your help to take my decision.”



I walked into the restroom and looked at my confound image in the mirror. I tried to look whether he was around me to show me path or not. I was in sheer dilemma “What should I do? Should I take the opportunity and be a careerist woman? Leave India and go abroad? Leave everything behind and walk into a new horizon. If I stay in Kolkata and near to my ChotoMa’s house, Abhimanyu’s reminiscences will haunt me forever. All those, I want to keep only in the diary but every time I walk out of my apartment, I feel him walking beside me. As if asking why I did not wait?”



Abhi fell asleep on my lap. I gently kissed his forehead and ruffled his silky hair. Rubbed my nose on his cheeks, took a deep breath to fill my lungs with his baby fragrance. My heart filled up with courage but same time I was skeptical about my life ahead “I don’t want to lose any of my precious. My son, Abhimanyu and my Thief’s diary. I know you will show me the right boulevard on which I should walk.”



It was dead night; I picked up the diary and pressed it on my chest. I sobbed out softly “Please show me the path, whether I have made a right decision or not? Please. You told me to join Saha Institute of Nuclear Physics. I joined. Now, why don’t you come and speak. I had blind faith on you and you took me to a total unknown place on our first outing. The only thing I knew that you were there to take care of me. Please tell me whether I am doing right or wrong. Please, Abhi.”



I wailed and wailed for whole night. My eyes turned sore but he did not answer my pleas. I wiped my tears, my face burnt in angst and pain that Abhimanyu did not came for my rescue. I walked to the bathroom and stood under the shower at two o’clock in the morning. I tried to douse all my pain and anger in that cold running shower and said to myself “Ok, be it. Therefore, you are not with me. You were not there when I needed you most. I don’t need you anymore; I will take my final step alone and walk away with my son.”

I could not sleep, for the whole night. I kept tossing and turning in the bed while my fawn slept peacefully beside me.



I called Dr. Sarkar early morning and conveyed my decision that I would take the opportunity to travel with him and if I were selected then I would pursue my research at Centre Etudes Nucleaires de Bordeaux.

---“I will go, Sir and if selected I will pursue my further research in France.”

From his voice, I fathomed that he was expecting my call---“I knew that you are intelligent and you would make a wise decision. We will discuss about the papers and travel in details in a day or two. You can take a day off. I am happy with your decision.”

I sat cowered on the sofa, the TV was on, some news channel was on but none of the images were going through my head. I was dipped in my thoughts whether my decision was right or wrong. Abhi woke up and his cries broke my trance. I ran towards the bedroom and took him in my lap.

I cuddled him close to my heart---“Why are you crying?”

---“Maaammmmmaaa …..”

---“We will go to a new place, baby. A total new place, only you and me. No diary, no Kolkata. Nothing.”



In the noon, I called Maithili and told her about my decision to leave India.

She was dumbfounded on hearing me---“What are you saying?”

I nodded my head and spoke calmly to her---“Yes, I am going to France. If everything goes well then I will go away forever.”

She was unable to believe as what I was saying to her---“What about your life, here?”

I took a deep breath to ease my emotions and tension---“My life is around my son. I have waited too long for happiness and success. I have walked all alone in every step of my life, except those seven months he was with me. I want to take a detour of my life and come out of the diary.”

She was quiet on the other end.

---“I could not sleep last night. I cried and cried, I pleaded to him to show me the way but he did not answered. Why should I keep the diary and stay back here? He will not return for me, so I need to carry on with my life.”

---“How could you take such a decision, Paree?”

I sobbed by looking at Abhi; he was playing beside me with his small airplane in his little hands. His gave a queer look on finding my tears rolling down my cheeks. He came near me and with soft palms, wiped my tears.

I took him on my lap and cuddled him across my chest; on the other hand, I pressed the phone with my ear. My voice choked---“Who took the decision of my life? It was my mom and dad. Who took the decision that I would be separated from my love? ChotoMa did. Who took the decision to get me married against my wish? ChotoMa did. Who took the decision of my miserable life? Himadri did.”

I squealed at her on the phone---“Where was my choice, Churni? Tell me.”

She lost her voice on the other end---“It was all fate, Paree.”

---“If those were fate, then this is also fate, Churni. This time, I am taking the final call. This time I will pick my path to walk. No one else.”

---“Have you called Ulupi Di, your ChotoMa?”

---“No, I have not informed anyone. I will call ChotoMa once I pack my bags and my visa arrives. I don’t want her tears to be a hindrance in my resolution.”

---“Your subconscious mind is saying that you might trace back. Then why are you going away?”

---“If I stay in Kolkata, I may not live my life peacefully. For last ten years, I have not slept properly, Churni. I want to sleep peacefully. A new place, a new horizon. I want to sleep peacefully, Churni.”

---“When are you going?”

---“In second week of April.”

---“You will visit us, right.”

---“Yes, I will visit my home before leaving. Don’t worry.”

---“I hope, everything goes well. Best wishes from my side.”

After few days, Dr. Sarkar handed me the invitation that arrived from Centre Etudes Nucleaires de Bordeaux. I looked at the invitation and smiled at Dr. Sarkar.

---“You are happy.”

I nodded my head---“Yes” actually I did not know whether I was happy or not, whether my decision was a result of my angst and pain.

He told me that our flight would be from New Delhi as there was no direct flight from Kolkata to Bordeaux.

---“We will have a video conference tomorrow with head of department, Dr. Gringolet Pelletier. He wants to have some words with you.”

My heart was racing like a wild horse, a gush of blood flooded on my face. I shook and became very nervous. I gave a sharp look through my glasses to Dr. Sarkar.

---“Why are you shaking like that Suchismita? Don’t be nervous, everything will be all right.”

I was so nervous that I gulped down a whole glass of water lying on his table.

---“No Sir, I can’t do that.”

He asked me to take a deep breath and concentrate on my work.



I walked out of his cabin and sat quietly in my cabin. I rested my head on the table and turbulent waves crashed on my chest. Vision of my mom, Parvati Boudi and Abhimanyu came in front of my eyes. As if they were asking me “Are you really going to leave?”

“Yes I am. You were the ones whom I loved most in this world and you all left me. I want to leave behind all those dark clouds and walk towards a new horizon”

“God bless you.” my mom whispered in my ears.



Next day morning, I wore a cream coloured cotton saree with think dark green border and a green blouse to match the colour of saree. Graced myself elegantly, a small green dot between my dark trimmed eyebrows. I tied a thin gold chain around my neck with a nice gold pendant. I graced my earlobes with the same pearl eardrops I dropped on his bed, the night he touched me for the last time. The diamond ring twinkled on my left ring finger. I did not apply much of makeup of my face, kept my composure simple and graceful. My tresses were already trimmed; I let it flow over my shoulder. I looked myself in the mirror and looked at Abhi. He gave me a naughty smile and clasped my legs.

---“What are you seeing?”

He pointed his little finger to my face. I took him in my arms and kissed his cheek---“Do I look good?”

He gently nodded his head and kissed my cheek.

---“Today, it is a great day for me. Won’t you wish you mom.”

He looked at my face; I never dressed so gracefully after his birth.

He gave a queer look and babbled sweetly---“I will go.” He thought that I was going out for a trip without him.

My heart cried out---“Not today dear. We will go to a new place shortly.”

He started crying and I could not control my tears as well. It felt as of someone has tore off a pound of flesh from my bleeding chest. I called my maid and handed her Abhi forcefully. I wiped the corner of my eyes, closed the door behind me, and walked out.



Dr. Sarkar saw me and smiled at me---“A true Bengali lady.”

The video conference started. Dr. Sarkar, my mentor sat beside me. I sat in front of the screen with mike in front of me and the screen flashed. Dr. Pelletier was in front of me. I joined my palms to express my regards. He constricted his brows; he was not used to such gestures. He was a French person.

Dr. Sarkar nudged me---“What are you doing?”

I smiled and whispered to him---“Sir, by heart I am Bengali and we pay courtesy by joining our hands.”

He gently nodded his head---“You are simply a great lady, Suchismita. I have travelled most countries, gave lectures in numerous Universities but never found a lady like you.”

The questionnaires went well and I was able to satisfy Dr. Pelletier and Dr. Sarkar with my answers and research papers.

Dr. Pelletier said to me---“Miss. Suchismita Mondal, we would like to hear you at our convention. We can discuss in length and breadth once you arrive Bordeaux. By the way, a beautiful river runs through our city. She will be happy to find a lady who lives in a bank of another beautiful river.”


We all laughed at his sudden antics as the questionnaires and discussion left the ambience very tensed for me. Even in the brisk AC, I had sweat beads on my forehead. Dr. Sarkar asked me to wait in my cabin.



I called my apartment to speak to my son.

His sweet voice echoed in my eardrums---“Mamma, come home.”

---“I come coming, sweetheart. We will go for shopping and new dress for you.”

He asked in jejune tone---“Happy birthday Mamma?”

I bit my lower lips on hearing his sweet query---“Yes, sweetheart, we will celebrate your happy birthday.”

I asked my maid whether he has taken his food or not. She said that he cried for long time after I came to Institute. I pressed my ears “Oh! No what have I done.”



Dr. Sarkar came in my cabin and saw that my face was red and eyelashes were soaked.

---“Felling bad, that you have to leave Kolkata?”

I wiped my eyes and said---“Missing my son.”

---“Hmm! That is a domain of mother; I do not want to intervene. By the way, congratulation Dr. Pelletier is satisfied with your works. You will get your appointment letter once you reach Bordeaux. You have to return within a week and then you will have to apply for work visa for France. It won’t be a problem.”

He then smiled painfully---“Alas, I will have to search for a new apprentice. I will miss you very much, my child.”



On the way home, I brought ice cream for Abhi and a soft toy, a teddy bear. He loved ice-creams very much. On reaching home, I found Abhi’s eyes were sore, he was angry upon me. He wailed upon seeing me at the door and jumped on my lap. I showered millions of kisses on his sweet face and gave him the ice cream. He sat on my lap and started to lick the ice cream from my hand.

I asked him---“Like it?”

He nodded his head, his lips were covered with vanilla creams.

---“Want to go shipping new dress?”

---“Yes, Sweet Heart; happy birthday.”

---“Mamma, Titli?”

I nodded “yes she will come.”

---“Papri Didi?”

---“Yes.”

How ignorant was he that no one would be present at his birthday. His birthday would be celebrated on foreign soil with no known face around him to cheer him up.



Getting Visa from French consulate was not a problem as the invitation letter was from a prestigious institution of France.



I informed Teesta and Kalyani about my trip to France and said that I was leaving India to continue my advanced research in Centre Etudes Nucleaires de Bordeaux. They were very much surprised by my sudden decision of leaving India and leaving them. I gave them the same answer that I gave to Maithili. They were not satisfied by my answer; however, their pleas did not deter me to trace back the path I was already walking on.



I started my shopping and packing my bags. The most important thing that I packed was the optics notebook in my laptop bag. I was asked to pack few woolens and blazers, as I would be travelling to higher northern latitude. I was busy in shopping western outfits so that I could acclimatize myself in the French soil. However, I did not forget to pack my sarees and my ornaments. I bought new dresses for Abhimanyu also. I went to Raymond’s shop in Ultadanga to stitch a white suit for myself and a pair of blazers for Abhi. After all, he was the apple of my eye so how can he be left behind if his mother can wear such expensive suits. Abhi was very happy to find new dresses everyday and he always gave me a satisfied look whenever I told him that we would be going for trip. It was the first time I was taking Abhi out of Kolkata. His mother’s bad-luck that she could not take him in any trip. I was happy to see smile on my son’s face.



Maithili did not call for a week; I knew she was very much disappointed by my decision. I also not called ChotoMa yet to divulge my intention yet. I did not know what would be her reaction upon hearing that I was leaving India forever. The only fact I knew that she would lament, as she really loved me a lot, but her love took away what I loved most in this world.

Once everything was packed, I visited my native place for one last time before leaving India forever. I knew that, next time when I would come back I would find the whole place had changed. Titli and Papri were very happy to see Abhi. I returned within two days from my native village. On the last evening, I took my son, Abhimanyu in my lap and walked towards the backyard.

I asked him---“Take a hand full of earth and join your hands to this mango tree. When no one will bless you, call this mango tree, he will surely answer your call.”

While saying those words, I also felt the same what I told to him. My son was too small to understand my words but he understood something when he saw tears in my eyes.



I handed a bunch of spare keys to Maithili---“Look after my apartment. I will be back within a week.”

She was again astonished on hearing that I was going to comeback. I explained her that I had to apply for work visa as I was then going only in tourist visa to attend convention.

---“So you are not going to visit us that time.”

---“Probably no, as I might not have much time at my disposal.”

---“So what do I do with the keys?”

---“Sell everything I had in that apartment and whatever money you get make a fixed deposit for my daughter Titli. As you know most of my wealth has been spent in these years so I don’t have much left to present you.”

I looked at the crying faces of all my brothers and sister.

She hugged me for one last time and whispered in my ears---“I hate you. Leave and do not come back.” She took Titli from me and handed me Abhi.

Her voice was choking, she chewed her last words---“Our world is really different, Paree. I hate you.”

Everyone bid me goodbye with sniveled eyes.



My tickets arrived on first week of April. Return was via Mumbai.



One evening I called ChotoMa to inform her that I was going to Bordeaux, France for my advanced research and job.

“How are you ChotoMa?” After a long time I was talking to her.

She asked about my son---“How is my grandson?”

---“He is growing up and getting naughtier day by day.”

---“Why don’t you come to your house this weekend, Paree?”

I took a deep breath to break the news to her---“I am going to France, ChotoMa.”

She paused for a little and said---“Where?” I was sure that she was unable to believe that her little Paree was leaving her.

---“I have got an offer in a Nuclear Institute in Bordeaux, France, ChotoMa.”

She wailed---“No, I won’t be able to see my grandson. You can’t take him away from me Paree.”

My eyes were soaked I controlled my tears and bit my lower lips---“I am going this Saturday, ChotoMa.”

She cried out on the phone---“Don’t take my grandson away, Paree. Please.”

I wiped my eyes but it was not worth as I was unable to see anything with my flooding eyes.

---“I can’t step in that house ChotoMa. I am sorry. I will see you at the airport. My flight to New Delhi is at the evening. My flight to Bordeaux is at late night from New Delhi.”

---“So big price I had to pay?”

---“I have also paid a very big price, ChotoMa. Who was responsible? I do not want to go in any discussion now, ChotoMa.”

She said her last words and kept the phone---“I loved you Paree as my own daughter. All I ever wanted to see smile on your face. May be that, I asked too much from God that He has punished me so bitterly.”

I cried out---“Ma, I love you very much.” However, by then she had kept the phone. She did not wait to her what I said to her. I could not sleep that night, I cried for the whole night.



On the fateful Saturday, April second week. Abhimanyu, my son was very happy that he was going for a trip with his mother. He played with the suitcases as if they were his cars. I packed few of his soft toys in a suitcase.



In the afternoon, I started to get ready for airport. I wore a blue jeans and a white shirt with blue pinstripes. I tied a scarf around my neck and looked myself in the mirror. I tied an omega wristwatch around my thin white wrist that Dr. Sarkar presented me few days ago as a memento. The diamond ring was still on my left ring finger. I wore the same gold chain that ChotoMa presented me. The old Paree was nowhere in the reflection. A very new Suchismita Mondal was smiling at me. I dressed Abhi in a brown pant and a red high neck vest. In one small bag, I packed his jacket and my blazer so that I could wear that before getting in the international flight.



I arrived with my luggage and my son at the airport few hours before the departure, as I would meet ChotoMa there.

I saw that Teesta and Debobroto were also there along with ChotoMa and Babu. I was surprised to find Maithili and SubrotoDa along with Titli to be present.

Abhi was very naughty so he ran and leapt on ChotoMa’s lap. She clasped him as if someone was tearing off her heart away. She showered him with lots of kisses and her eyes were flooding.

Teesta and Maithili were bewildered to find me in that dress.

They never saw me in jeans. I smiled at them and asked---“How do I look?”

Maithili smiled painfully at me---“You have still your antics up the sleeve in this time?”

I gave a sweet smile at her---“After a long time I found myself again.”

ChotoMa came near me and placed her palms on my head---“When do I see you next?”

I bent down to touch her feet to take her blessings---“I don’t know ChotoMa.”

---“Look after yourself and take care of my grandson.”

She handed me a tiffin box and said---“I have prepared some coconut balls for my grandson, please feed him.”

I could not look into her eyes, my heart ruptured while hearing those words.

I gently nodded my head---“Yes. You and Babu take care of yourself.”

Babu came to me and said---“ShonaMa…” the word I was dying to hear from his lips. I threw my arms around him and cried like a child.

He gently rubbed my head with his palm and said---“I am proud of you. Go live your life. If anytime you feel that there are two old persons waiting for you, then give a call. If you can, then forgive us.”

I was unable to say anything my tears soaked his shirt. ChotoMa also hugged me along with Abhi.

On seeing everyone crying, my son, Abhi also started crying. ChotoMa went weak in pain, she clasped him across her chest---“Be a good boy to your mother. She has seen lots of dark days in her life. Do not be naughty. Ok”

What he understood was a question but he gently nodded his head and kissed ChotoMa on her cheeks.



Somehow, I had to tear off Abhimanyu from ChotoMa’s lap as I was getting late for my flight. Several pairs of sniveled eyes were looking at us as we passed the security check at Kolkata Airport.



The flight took off at last. I pulled Abhi on my lap; he looked in my tearful eyes and wiped my cheeks. His touch made me go weaker and I pressed my lips on his forehead.



A final call ringed in my heart and soul “A girl, a naïve village girl who studied in a college in a small town, came to a big city, which she never dreamt of. She studied in an esteemed college, she never dreamt of. She lost herself and her love in oblivion, she never dreamt of. She pulled herself from the dungeon and worked in a prestigious physics institute of India, she never dreamt of. She was going to another esteemed international institution, she never dreamt of.”



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Chapter 2: Impromptu Alluvion

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The moment, the flight touched New Delhi airport, I felt a jolt in my chest along with the jolt that the aeroplane had. I looked out of the window trying to search for my love, in vain. “How stupid” I laughed at myself. “How come you will be there in the airport? You do not know even that I am coming.” A spine-chilling shiver ran through my slender frame by the mere thought that once I came with him at this airport. That journey was full of bliss and ecstasy. He found his best friend, Aruna, from losing her in oblivion. That was a beautiful trip where we found ourselves in the midst of high mountains and regained our love.



My son, looked out of the window and babbled in my ears---“Aeloplane mammaa”

---“Yes Honey.”

---“Lights, mamma.”

I nodded as the airplane came to a halt. The new terminal was a swanky one, very different from the old terminal where I came a decade ago with him.

As soon as the door opened, we stepped out and Abhi started to run through the aerobridge.

I screamed at him---“You naughty boy, don’t run like that.”

His face was beaming with sheer bliss, as that was his first time he was out with his mother, going for a trip.

He gave a mischievous look at me and leapt on my lap---“Mamma askeem”

I scolded him---“No ice-cream at this point of time, Abhi.”

He rubbed his small nose on mine, threw his small arms around my neck and gave a pleading smile---“Mamma askeem.”

---“Ok, I will give you ice-cream if you don’t run like that. You are a good boy, right?”

He nodded his head like a sapling swaying in cool breeze “Yes”.



My flight to Bordeaux was at half past one, we had to wait for long hours in the lounge. I collected my baggage and walked towards the departure terminal. Abhi was walking beside me. I handed him his teddy bear, he clasped in with his arms and smiled sweetly at me.

I looked at the swanky T3 terminal, full of vibrant lights very different from the older one. I looked around to find some place to seat.



I found a place to seat and took out my laptop. I wanted to show my son the places we went a decade ago. I searched for some images of Kaza and those snow peaked mountains.

Abhi was looking at the screen wide his eyes wide opened; he never saw such mountains in his life, in neither picture nor real.



My old memoirs of that trip came flooding in front of my eyes “You are a hell of a traveler; you could only find such place and take your damsel to such dangerously beautiful places.”

Abhi babbled sweetly at me---“Mamma askeem mountain?

I laughed on hearing him say those snow peaked mountain---“Yes honey, ice-cream Mountain.”

---“We will someday goto these hills, okay honey?”

Very sweetly, he nodded his head; I took him on my lap and closed my laptop.

I had to make a call to Dr. Sarkar as he came to New Delhi a day before. I came to know that he was on the way to the airport, he asked me to get my boarding pass and go for immigration. He would join me later on. As there was no proper lounge before checking in, so I checked-in. The immigration formalities were completed without any hassle. I saw Dr. Sarkar after sometime.

He looked at me and smiled---“Today you are looking very different, Suchismita.” He pointed to Abhi and asked him---“How are you?”

My fawn gently nodded his head, hiding behind me. I asked him---“You are so naughty at home, what happened to you now?”

He clasped my leg with one arm and his teddy with the other---“Askeem…”

We both laughed at him. Dr. Sarkar asked me whether I was hungry or not. We finished the dinner in one of the cafeteria. I told Dr. Sarkar that I had to make a call.



I had to call Maithili that I have arrived New Delhi safely. It was already thirty minutes past ten.

---“Hey, Churni have you slept?”

---“No, I was waiting for your call. How is Abhi doing?”

I looked at him, as usual, he was watching the aeroplanes from the huge glass panes, and was showing those aeroplanes to his teddy on his lap.

---“Naughty and doing mischief as usual. Titli has slept?”

---“Yes, she is sleeping. How do you feel?”

“I don’t know. I am still in a dream” I was really in a dream. “I feel ripples inside my heart, Churni. Last time he called you, he called from New Delhi?”

---“You can’t forget him?”

I whispered on the phone---“I want those reminiscences as some colourful dreams of my life.”

She bid me goodbye with choked voice.



I asked Dr. Sarkar that could we go towards the departure gate or not. My filial was feeling sleepy. I took him in my lap and he rested his head on my shoulder. I started to walk along with Dr. Sarkar towards the gate. The flight was at half past one from. We had a couple of hours left for boarding. I thought to make a call to ChotoMa also but by then they were in bed so I did not make that call.

As I sat with Abhi on my, on the chair, he woke up. I was feeling cold due to the chilled AC in the terminal so I took out my blazer and wore that and made Abhi wear his jacket. Abhi leapt from my lap and started his antics. For the first time he saw the moving escalator on the terminal. He was running here and there. I sat on the chair and was enjoying his juvenile actions.

My son was having a great time, but I was afraid as he was running near the moving escalator pavement.

I shouted at him---“Abhimanyu, don’t run like that you will fall down.”

My mischievous son gave me a naughty look and started to run away from me. I stood up and walked towards him and he ran away further from me. I was smiling by beholding his jejune actions. He ran near the moving pavement.

I pleaded him sweetly---“Abhi don’t go there baby.”

I outstretched my arms to beckon him on my lap. He gave a sweet smile at me and ran towards me. He leapt of my lap and I clasped him and kissed his cheeks. He threw his arms around my neck and kissed my lips.



I was looking at his face; he was looking to somewhere else over my shoulder. He waved to someone. That was against his nature to wave to some unknown person, as he was a shy kid. I was bit astonished as to whom he was waving his little hand.

I whispered in his ears---“Found any new friend, sweetheart?” He nodded his head and pointed to someone over my shoulder.



I turned to find out as who was the person. I looked at the person and I was turned into stone. A huge bolt strokes me there. My feet were pinned with the floor. I was unable to believe my eyes that the person of my dream was standing in front of me, mere few meters away and was looking at me with a bewildered face. My heart, my love, my thief who stole me from myself a decade ago was standing in front of me, looking at me and my cub with affliction smeared on his face and agony in his eyes. My thief was unable to move a single muscle. He was not moving. The boy who kissed me, the thief who promised me to build a house in the mountains, the unicorn was standing in front of me. My baby prince, who freed me from my cage and took me to mountains, I gave him everything I had, my heart, my soul and wanted to associate my life with him. A tiny drop of my blood still runs through his veins. Has he forgotten all those days and nights we lived once.



A series of waves started to rise from the abyss of my heart and crashed repeatedly on the shore of my soul, shattering everything I had in my life. My chest was filled up with huge void; I clasped Abhi tightly across my chest to control my flooding emotions. I forgot to breathe, I forgot to blink, and I forgot that I was standing in an airport.



My soul stirred after few seconds and large drops of tears started to roll down my eyes. A huge flood rose from the depth and washed all the dark days from my heart. The core of my heart opened which was carrying his memoirs of my Baby Prince. “Where were you all this time? I wanted you so badly in my life. You returned but returned too late. You never contacted after that. I waited for you. Several thousand of sleepless nights have passed. I kept on tossing on the bed to reach out to your arms. You were not there. See, what you have done to me. Your old sweet EVE is standing in front of you, baby prince.”



I tried to reach out to him but I stood motionless with sudden sight of him that made me numb in shock and excitement. I could not move a single muscle of my body except looking at his face. My heart filled up with ecstasy in that split of second that I was able to behold you.



My heart was shattered with a query “How are you? You are looking bit older. Few gray hair and moustache. Your specs have changed. Are you again leaving India, leaving your life behind like me?”



He jabbed in his inner pocket probably to take out his mobile or something. I clasped my son tightly and bit my lower lips to control my flooding eyes.

I shouted, as he turned towards the gate “Abhimanyu, please don’t leave me. I want to talk to you. What about the promise you made? You promised me that you will take to mountains, paint my picture and build a house in the mountains. What about the promise that we will read out the diary when we get old? What about the promise that we will swing together in front of the hut that you are going to build for me? Have you forgotten all those promise you made to me? You can not leave me like this, Baby Prince. No. I waited too long for this day.” Not a single word came out of my throat, as I was turned into an effigy of stone in sheer trance.



He nodded his head, gave a painful smile at me, and walked toward the departure gate. The sight of him, shattered my whole torso and I shook violently after he already passed through the gate.



I ran towards the gate with my son in my lap and asked the gate attendant---“Where is this flight going?”

---“Kuala Lumpur, Madam”



I forgot that I was in an airport terminal. My knees went weak and I sat on the chair with a thud and wailed out softly, clasping my son. My head was spinning, I wailed out from the depth of my bleeding soul “You can’t leave me Abhimanyu. You cannot leave me. Please do not go. I love you. For once just, come back and tell me what was my fault, why the whole world punished me like that. Please come back. My eyes were thirsty to get a glimpse of your face for so long. I was thirsty to hear your voice. How could you leave me like that, without even speaking a single word to me? Abhimanyu. You cannot leave me. I will die now. Once again I will lose myself.”



My son gave a bewildered look at my face, he never saw his mother crying so profusely. I was shaking, waves after waves crashed all over me. I sat there, cursing myself.

My pains grew stronger with each passing second when the door of the aerobridge closed in front of my eyes. I was not allowed to go through the aerobridge. I sat there still, unable to move for about an hour.



I looked at Abhi with my flooded my, his face was red, he was about to burst into tears on seeing his mother has flooded eyes.

I took his face, he threw the teddy on the floor and threw his arms around my neck and cooed in my ears---“Mamma don’t cry.”

I shook my head and wiped my eyes and face---“No honey, I will not cry.”

I touched his forehead with my lips---“I will not cry, my sweet heart. Let us go. This is not the place we should live.”



Dr. Sarkar came searching for me. He saw my read face and flooded eyes. He was astonished to find my face was having contours of pain and aggravation.

---“What happened to you, Suchismita? Are you all right?”

“No, I am not alright. How can I be alright when he left me crying again?” I looked at him with agonized eyes.

He sat beside me---“What happened, Suchismita?”

I lied to him---“Nothing Sir, just feeling pain that I am leaving India forever.”

He took Abhi, on his lap and said to me---“Let us move, board the plane.”



I wiped my eyes, looked at the closed door of the aerobridge from where my Heartthrob just passed. I knew that I had lost him in the crowd of this world. I knew that I would not get him; he would not find the truth that I was a widow then.



I pulled myself somehow and staggered to my aerobridge with heavy heart. The flight took off from New Delhi. I rested my head on the backrest of the seat. Abhi slept in my arms. The ripples inside my chest were not dying, with the jolt of the flight, the ripples grew stronger and the tears started to flow down flooding my cheeks and chest.



Those fifteen hours of my life were the shortest fifteen hours of my life. The past decade came in front of my sniveled eyes.

The day we first met, he kissed my forehead and I sat in that bus as if a bolt strokes me.

The night we sat under the mango tree and he kissed my face all over, before we had to part. The first pain of ripped my soul.

The anxious wait at Kalka station, he was to take me to a trip to total unknown horizon where we both were new and for the first time I was alone. I had faith in him.

The first fight of our life we had that night, the bitter fight in midst of beautiful wilderness.

The beautiful morning, we melted in each other’s arms, our bodies and soul entwined and glued ourselves forever.

My tiny present, he sucked my blood from my index finger. I had then only that present to give him. He cried and we lost ourselves again.

The day he left, I looked from the window of the drawing room. He looked up to the window for one last time and then his taxi went away in the dark. I fainted.

My first day at the college; first day at presidency. Completing Masters in Physics.

I waited for his call or news but that never arrived, because ChotoMa and Babu burnt all his letters.

My Parvati Boudi died, I hankered for solace in his arms but he was not there because he never came to knew about that news.

My mother’s demise, he wanted to ask for my hand from my mother who understood our love and gave consent that we could be conjoined. He wanted to ask for her doll, but he was ignorant that his Grand Aunt passed away leaving her doll to fight alone in this cruel world. His fairy died that day.



Every single day of the past decade after he left me, floated in front of my closed eyes.

“Life will not be same for me, baby prince. I am still waiting for you. I am still thirsty and need your arms warmth to sleep. I have not slept for a decade.” However, I was in the flight, which was flying towards Bordeaux taking me to live my new life in a new horizon.



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Chapter 3: Incoherent Rendezvous

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For the whole flight, I sat twisting in pain in my seat. My pain did not subdue for a single moment to give solace to my writing heart. Not even the cute face of my filial was able to douse the fire of partition. I had to control my flooding eyes for the sake of my cub and to take care of him. I kept of thinking for the whole journey “Why could not I gather up myself to speak to him? What restrained him from coming to me and ask me what happened to me?” Then it dawned that “My son, was in my lap, he might have thought that I was married to someone else and he should not come to my life to disturb my blissful marital life or he might have thought that he would not like to bring turbulence to his marital life by digging up his dark past.”


We stayed at a hotel named Acanthe on rue Saint Remi. The hotel was a beautiful one. The Centre was bit far from my hotel, but Dr. Sarkar wanted to stay near to the river so he chooses that hotel which was nearby to the river Borde that ran through the beautiful city. From the hotel room, the view of the palace by the side of the river could be seen. The sight was beautiful at night with the palace all lighted up and cold breeze flowing from the river through the large window of the room.


In the night I was unable to sleep in the huge comfortable bed. The squishy spongy bed felt like a mattress of nails to me. My fawn trembled in his sleep while cuddling me. He cried repeatedly at night. I had to wake up to cuddle him and comfort him so that he could sleep. Due to the change of environment and new place and time, we both were unable to sleep. Repeatedly I checked that whether he was comfortable or not. I wept that my son was not getting proper rest. “What have you done, Paree? What have you done? Your son is unable to sleep, you are unable to sleep yet you are adamant to walk into alien horizon to find solace of your soul. You are a fool Paree.”

I could not conjoin my eyelids and kept of lamenting---“Abhi, my sweetheart, I am sorry to bring you in such a place. This is not our place to stay, honey. This is an alien land and we are not suitable for this type of lifestyle, honey.”

I was so restless on bed that I went into the restroom and sat cowered in the bathtub filled up with warm water. I tried hard to shed all his memoirs from my mind but I was unable to scrap his reminiscences from my heart. It was like a part of my brain that came in front of my eyes repeatedly. I felt his touch on my forehead and rubbed hard to scrub off that sensation, but I was unable to do so. I wanted to vent my agony and my pain to someone. I staggered out of the bathroom and took out his diary. I cried as I read each page and then ripped off each page I read. I tore every page he wrote about me from that diary still I was unable to scrub off his memoirs. I gnawed my lips, my cheeks and my body tried hard to scrub off his touches. He kissed me all over, every inch of my slender sensuous figure; I scrubbed in vain to douse the fire in my soul. At last I thought that “If I write all my memoirs I could tell someone my pains my sorrow my agony. At least this diary would help me to share my pains.” I started to write each memoirs of the last decade in the remaining pages of the diary, until the red sun peeped behind the castle by the side of the river. At the dawn, I managed to write the first three years, I was caged in the ivory cage. My fingers were sore, my eyes were red, and my head was heavy. I walked to the balcony, looked up the blue sky, and took a deep breath to fill my lungs with fresh air. I felt that the soreness in soul was subdued to some extent.

I looked at my son, who was sleeping peacefully on the bed. I crept up beside him, cuddled him near me, and rested my head on his pillow. I closed my eyes and tried to take some rest. I felt that I was living again.

For the whole day, I could not prepare for my coming convention; instead, I kept on writing my past in those crinkly yellow pages. Abhi kept to himself playing at my feet, playing with his cars and teddy bear.

Dr. Sarkar contacted his peers at Bordeaux who appointed a babysitter to look after my son while I was in convention. I was skeptical at first in leaving my cub in hands of a total unknown person but I had to. She arrived in the evening at the hotel along with the manager and Dr. Sarkar’s friend Mr. John Chabrol. The name of the babysitter was Amelia Fuere; she was about twenty-five years old.

I asked her---“Do you have prior experience of babysitting?”

She spoke in English with French ascent---“Madame, I have prior experience. I am a schoolteacher. Moreover, I had to look after my two frère (brother) while I was young. ”

---“What happened to that job?”

She smiled painfully at me---“Madame, we don’t have a permanent job here. We can work only for six months a year, all due to rising unemployment. So in other six months I had to find petty jobs to keep myself running.”

I shook my head in dismay “What a world we are living in?” I asked her---“But my son does not understand English or French? How will you manage?”

She smiled at me---“We both can manage?” She called Abhi to her who was hiding behind me and looking at Amelia with a queer gaze.

I asked him---“Come on goto her.”

He clasped my arms and shook his head “No.”

I asked her---“How much would you charge for?”

She said---“Three Euros per hour Madame.”

“Be it any amount I am ready to give if you look after my child.” I said to her.

I was very my agitated on myself as I was helpless to handover my throbbing heart to someone else I did not know. The manager of the hotel and Dr. Sarkar’s friend Mr. Chabrol assured me that they would be around to keep an eye. Still I was skeptical to handover my filial in unknown hands. I had to keep stones on my heart and handover my son on those three days while I was away attending the convention.

I took out Abhi in the evening by the side of the river. He was very happy that he came on a trip with his mother. His smiling jolly face brought solace in my burning soul.

I smiled at him and asked---“Do you want ice-cream?”

He nodded his head. I took him on my lap and bought him a cone. He licked on the cone and I looked at his smiling face. I asked myself “How come you waved to a person who was unknown to you? That was against your nature honey. Probably you both share the same name sweetheart. Probably there is a force beckoning you both. Thanks a million, sweetheart that you waved and pointed to him. May be that was for few minutes but I was able to behold my love. Probably that was the last time I behold him. However, my eyes remain thirsty to devour him again.”



The physics convention started from Tuesday and was for three days. I was unable to concentrate on my papers. For the whole day, I sat with heavy heart and that affected my relation with my son. My fawn never found me so depressed in his tiny span of life. I was uncontrollable in the beginning. My sleep and rest was lost. I cursed myself repeatedly “Why he had to come if he had to go like that?”



My depressing nature did not go unnoticed from Dr. Sarkar piercing gaze. He asked me that whether I was ok or not. He thought that I was depressed because I left my families back home. I gathered up myself and prepared for the convention. However, I failed bitterly to impress other members of the board except Dr. Pelletier with whom I already had a video conference.



Three days after we arrived at Bordeaux, we were having dinner at a restaurant near to our hotel.

Dr. Sarkar asked me---“What happened to you?”

---“I am not feeling well, Sir.”

---“Do you want to continue your research here or not?”

I was in dilemma as what I want actually, my life or my career. I gave a blank look at his face and said---“I don’t want to stay here, Sir. I want to go back to Kolkata.”

He was very much surprised to hear that I was rejecting the offer of continuing my studies in such a prestigious institution.

---“I want to live with my son. I want to lead a simple life.”

I looked at Abhi, who was munching the cheese from Lasagna.

He gave a bewildered look at me and asked me---“Are you insane Suchismita? Do you know that there are thousands of students, worldwide who are waiting to get an opportunity, to study in this institution? You are rejecting the offer that came knocking at your door?”

I gave him a painful smile---“Sir, they are not single mother.”

He nodded his head in dismay---“No, no, don’t tell that. My own daughter is in States.”

---“All the fingers of your hand are not of same length, Sir. She might be more courageous than I. I just wanted to do a job to support my life and my child. I never wanted to be a careerist woman in my life.”

---“You are sure that you want to return?”

I was certain at that point of time. I did not want to be a careerist woman. I gave a gentle look at my son and said---“Sir, to stay in his future I have to walk beside him in his present. If he does not get his mother by his side during his childhood days then he will curse me in future.”

That what happened between my Love and ChotoMa. Abhi never got his mother beside him when he wanted her most and there was no such bonding between them. If there had been so much of binding then, Abhimanyu would have contacted ChotoMa, which he never did. I was sure that he wanted to set himself free from that ivory cage as I was caged once. I do not want my son to live in a cage; I wanted him to breathe fresh air always.

Dr. Sarkar then said to me---“Eventually you had to go back for a week, so if you don’t mind can you do me a favour?”

I asked---“What Sir?”

---“I am planning to goto to Massachusetts to meet my daughter form here. If you do not mind, the can you return via New Delhi and deliver a letter to one of my colleague. He will meet you at New Delhi airport.”

---“But sir, my return is already booked via Mumbai.”

---“You return to Mumbai then change the route via New Delhi. I will bear all the cost of your stay and air ticket.”

“Oh! No not again, I don’t want to visit that place again.” However, all of a sudden I thought “If HE pleases” and I closed my eyes and prayed to HIM “Please, I want to meet him.” I was skeptical that I would find him again.

---“Ok Sir.”

I felt a rush of fresh air blew inside me by the mere thought that I was going back to my place and that also via New Delhi. Although I did not expect that, I would meet him again. That would be once in a blue moon chance to meet him again at the same place.

In the night, while Abhi, slept on the bed. I sat with all those torn pages, kissed all those pages repeatedly and kept those again in the diary. I started to pack my belongings scattered all over the room.


On penultimate day, I went for shopping at rue Saint Catherine. I bought four Tiveton perfumes for my two sister-in-laws and two best friends, Kalyani and Teesta. I bought six shirts, three each for my brothers and one for Dushtu, and each for Debu and Dipankar. I bought lots of dresses for my cub. There was nothing for ChotoMa, so I bought a clutch for her. I packed everything and prepared to bid goodbye to Bordeaux.


My flight landed at Mumbai in the late morning. The moment the flight touched India, I felt as if I was roaming inside my world. I felt that even if I die, I would not regret, because it was my motherland. My flight to New Delhi was in the evening.

I called Maithili---“Hello, I am back.”

She was surprised to hear my voice---“What?” she sounded very happy on hearing me.

I smiled, looking at Abhi---“Yes, I rejected the offer and I returned. I could not find peace there.”

---“Oh! See I told you beforehand that there is nothing like home.”

---“I was skeptical about my son so I had to return. It was not due to my motherland or home. I am still in search for a home, sweet home.”

---“Ok, ok. I understand.”

I paused for a little and took a deep breath before divulging that I met Abhimanyu the day we left for Bordeaux.

---“I have something to say. You will not believe.”

---“I will believe whatever you say and from the quiver of your voice I can fathom that easily.”

It was my turn to get surprised “Did he called her and informed her that he met me?”

---“What do you mean? Did he call you?”

---“No. But the tremble in your voice shows that you met him.”

A long breath exhausts from my chest “So he has not called her, but how come she would know.”



My heart was pulsating while I told her about my failed meet.

She cursed herself again---“See, my vengeful words still haunts me and that is not allowing you two to mingle.”

I said to her in an agonized voice---“It was not your fault, Churni. By the way I am returning via New Delhi.”

---“Again via New Delhi, why?”

---“I have to give some papers to a friend of Dr. Sarkar.”

---“When is you return flight to Kolkata?”

---“Tomorrow evening. By the way, thunder does not strike twice in one place, so I don’t expect to meet him this time.”

---“Where are you going to stay?”

---“In a hotel.”

My son was becoming restless as the time passed idly.

He kept on nagging me---“Mamma, I want to go home.”

I kept on consoling him---“Ok, honey we are going to home.”

I kept on telling myself “I will search for a home for my entire life, but it will be out of my reach.”



It was late evening, when the flight landed in New Delhi Airport. Few days back, I stood in this tarmac waiting for my departure and I met whom I wanted to meet for long time. My eyes were again searching for him “Will we meet again?”

I called Dr. Sarkar’s friend Mr. Pannikar, he said that he has arranged a hotel for my accommodation in C.R. Park and he would pick me up the day after from my hotel. He also told me that he wanted to talk to me regarding some of my papers in IIT-Delhi. I asked him the name and address of the hotel. I called the hotel to confirm my stay.

Abhi walked by my side to the conveyer belt. We were waiting anxiously to pick up my baggage.



I was on the phone talking to Maithili---“Hey, I have arrived at New Delhi. I am returning home tomorrow evening. Have you visited my place to check?”

---“Yes I visited once to check your place. How is my son doing?”

I looked at him; he was smiling at someone standing behind me. I gave a queer look at him to see him smiling and waving again. My heart skipped and raced very fast.

I was still on phone and I turned back. I was praying to HIM “This time I want to talk to him, dear God. Yes, this time I won’t let him go.”

My Unicorn was on the floor, kneeled down and was smiling at my Angel. He outstretched his arms to him.

I whispered to Maithili---“I will talk to you later. I got to go.”



My heart was racing like a wild horse; I felt a huge turbulence inside my chest. I bit my lower lips to restrain my tears to drip from my eyes. He looked at me over his specs and smiled at me. My son, walked slowly towards him and he took him in his lap. My nose flared up and eyes were filled up to behold the sight, both my precious entwined in their arms and smiling sweetly at my sniveled face.

He stood beside me; his left side arm touched my right arm. It sends me shivers in my arm.

He asked my son---“What is your name?”

---“Api”

He laughed out looking at me. He paused a little and then gently nodded his head---“How are you?”



I was looking at his face all the time, waiting eagerly to hear him say something to me. I lost my voice and nodded my head “I am fine.”

I held the trolley handle hard and looked the other side to hide few drops that trickled down from the corner of my eyes. I stealthily rubbed the corner of my eyes with the tip of my finger.

I heard him ask---“You are coming from Mumbai?”

I nodded at him while looking for my luggage on the conveyer belt. I looked straight to hide my tears from him.

---“I was in the same flight. Which row you were?”

My face became red and my heart skipped faster as I came to know that he was in the same flight.

My eyes were wide open and I looked at him---“Fourth row, and you?”

He threw his age-old mischievous smile at me---“Penultimate row.”

He clasped my son on his left arm; with his right, he was holding the trolley. My fawn nestled comfortably on his lap as if they knew each other from the very beginning of their existence. Abhi had his teddy on his lap and was looking at his face.

He winked at Abhi---“This is your teddy? What is his name?”

He looked at me and then at him---“Teddy.”

He laughed out at him and turned towards me---“That day, you were on some international flight, right?”

---“Yes, I was going to Bordeaux.”

He was unable to hear the name of the place---“Where?”

I repeated my words again---“Bordeaux, France.”

He was surprised to hear that. He constricted his brows and gave a queer look at me---“France, that’s great. Someone lives there?”

---“No. I went for a physics convention over there.”

“Wow….” he was amazed to hear that “That’s good. Really good. So you are working somewhere?”



My heart was beating faster inside my chest every moment I heard his words pouring into my soul. I was losing myself; I waited too long to hear from him.

I nodded my head; I was looking intently at his face, our eyes met again. His eyes were glistening with some unknown pain same as mine. My heart and soul was writing inside my chest. I tried hard to overcome my pains and wear a smile on my quivering lips.

He rubbed his nose on Abhi’s sweet face and then asked him---“You are sweet, just like your mother.”

Admiring my sweetness indirectly made me weak. I slowly moved near him to get his touch. His left arm touched mine. My bags were coming around the corner.

---“There are my bags.”
He put down Abhi on my lap, my fingers touched his while he handed my son on my lap. He looked at me and lingered his fingers a bit on my hand. My breath stopped and for a fraction of second, his face was red. A deep breathe exhaled from his chest as he turned towards the belt to pick up my bags. I clenched my right fist, tired hard to quench my thirst my touching him again. I clasped my son to control my overwhelming empathy.

He bent down to pick up my bags and straightened. He turned towards me---“Any more bags?”

I was breathing hard trying to subdue my feelings rising from the abyss---“Two more.”

---“So you have any relatives here?”

“If I don’t have, will you ask me to stay with you?” I held my breath and paused for a moment. Abhi was looking at our faces. My sweet filial was unable to understand all what was happening inside me. He might have fathomed his mother’s heartbeat on his little chest, thumping like a huge drum.

---“I have some work at IIT-Delhi tomorrow, a meeting with a person. I will be staying at a hotel. I will return to Kolkata by evening flight.”



The rest of my luggage was around the corner, his luggage was nowhere in sight.

I pointed to my bags and said---“There are two of my bags. I will get them.”

He laughed at me---“Take care of your son; I will get them for you.” He joked at me “Probably the airlines have forgotten my luggage at Mumbai.”

He picked up my luggage and put them on the trolley. I waited for his luggage to arrive.

I laughed on his words and asked---“You also went somewhere?”

---“Yes, Kuala Lumpur. Office tour.”

I nodded my head “I knew that, dear. I ran towards the aerobridge that day to find out where you went. However, I was unable to catch you that day.”



He looked at me, scratched his scalp, and hesitated a bit. I looked at him with sheer anticipation dripping from my face “Yes, what do you want to ask. Ask me.” I observed that his lips trembled. My sight was fixated on his lips, all the world around me vanished, all the senses lost. My heart was thumping and beating “Yes, yes, yes ask.”

---“If you don’t mind..” “Why should I mind when I gave my everything to you?” “Stay at my place tonight?”

I closed my eyes, my world went blank, my breathe stopped I only felt my son’s chubby cheeks rubbing on mine. I took a deep breath, opened my eyes, and looked at Abhi’s cute face. He was looking at me with a gaze that he had done a crime for asking that question to me.

My brows came together and I slowly stepped near him, pulled up my face my lips quivered. His eyes were fixated on my lips; I forgot that my son was on my lap. I was breathing hard.

Suddenly he broke my trance and shook his head---“Ok, I am sorry.”

I screamed out my heart “No I want to go with you.” He gave a painful look at my face and he picked up his bag from the conveyer belt.



He turned towards me and said---“I can drop you at your hotel, if you allow me.”

“I want to be with you. But what will your family, feel about? You must be married by now.” All those sort of flurry was disturbing me like fire from the hell.

A solitary drop of tear rolled down my cheek, my son wiped that tear and I regained my senses. I told to myself “Paree, you are a mother now. You should not forget that, Suchismita.” My heart and soul was being ripped by tug-of-war, caught between a mother and an eve. “Yes, I am a mother, but he should know my truth. He vented on Maithili; his can’t keep his eyes closed and stay away.” “What are you going to do, Paree?” “I am going to ask him, why he did not call Maithili after that.” “May be he is married, so he did not want any life to get damaged.” “What if not?” “What if yes?” “He is not even asking how his mother and father are, why?” “He is disgusted on them. They burnt both of your lives.” “They repent, they lament every day.” “But the life is lost, isn’t it. No one can return those ten years of life that you both lost.”



The turbulence was cut short by a sweet kiss of my son. I regained my senses and smiled at him---“Tired, want to eat something?”

He shook his head---“No, teddy bear is hungry.”

He laughed at Abhi “Your teddy bear is hungry and naughty fellow is not?” He looked at me and asked, “Shall we walk out? I can drop you. Your hotel is on my way.”

He phoned someone---“Bring the car, we are coming out.”



He took Abhi from my lap and kept him on the trolley. Abhi giggled at him “Car.. jooooo….” He laughed at him “Yes, dear, a car. You have a car?” He nodded his head “A red car.” He gave a queer mischievous look at him “I have stolen your car. My car is also red.” Abhi laughed out him and pointed to his bag over which he was sitting “Car there.” We both could not stop laughing at my fawns face.

He turned towards me and asked the query that made me pinned to the shiny floor of the terminal. ---“How is your life going? You have changed a lot.”



I clutched the handle of the trolley and stood there all of a sudden. He passed by and then turned back to find me standing like a stone effigy. He constricted his brows and looked at me. “How could I tell you, how am I? I am living in a solitary world where I have my son only. I have no home, I have no one to love me, and I have no one to take care of me. I sleep alone in the bed. I am a corpse, Abhi.”

He apprehended my feelings the other way round, came near me and apologized---“I am sorry to ask you that question. I did not mean to hurt you.”



“I am bleeding inside” I lost my voice; instead I said, “Can we go to your house, please? I am tired.” “Uh! What did I say? No! Did I just ask him to take me home? Oh god, what will his wife thinks. No.” Nevertheless, by then the arrow already left the bow and stroke eye of the fish.

He smiled at my bewildered face---“Ok, let’s go then.” We were already outside the tarmac and he pointed out to a red car waiting outside at the parking lot “Ah there is my car.”



I kept on telling myself repeatedly “Please don’t give that look at me, Abhi. I feel weak whenever you give me that look. Your eyes pierce my soul. Remember the evening in the courtyard, you were about to touch my hand and you gave me that look.”



I took out my phone to cancel my stay in the hotel. His driver opened the boot space to keep our baggages. He opened the rear door and ushered me in. He climbed in the front seat along with my son. Probably he was feeling awkward to sit beside someone else wife. “God, please give me some courage to tell me what all happened to me.”



The car started out. I looked at them both of my precious, the apple of my eyes and my red heart, seated in the front sit and playing with each other’s finger.

I heard them say “High five.” I heard sweet giggle of Abhi as he slapped his little palm on his hand “High five.” I sat silently looking at them peacefully with my tearful eyes. I was unable to control my happiness and same time I was having some unknown pain creeping inside me “What will his family think when they will find me. Has he divulged to them that he loved me once and I have returned to his life like a storm?”



The car cut through the busy streets of New Delhi taking us to his house. Crossing over several flyovers and passing cars. My mind went blank. I looked outside the window sat silently on the back seat, enjoying the sweet giggles of my son and my heart.

Suddenly the car stopped under a flyover. I asked to him---“What happened?”

He looked at me over his shoulder and said---“Nothing, you keep seated. My honey wants some ice cream.”

I scolded Abhi---“No ice-cream now, it is night.”

My fawn cried out---“Askeem….”

He looked at me and waved his index finger---“Don’t scold, please.”

I smiled after seeing that how sweetly they were getting along.

He walked out of the car with Abhi on his lap. An ice-cream trolley was standing by the side of the road.

I took a deep breath gathered all my courage to ask the query to the driver. The answer that I was looking for a long time, probably for last six years I was looking for “Have you started a life of your own after knowing that I was married?”

---“Who is there at your sir’s house?”

He answered---“Sir lives alone.”

I clenched both my fist and pressed my hands on my chest. I wailed out softly by looking at them outside the window. “You ruined your life for me.” Large drops of tears started to roll down my eyes, deluging my cheeks, trickled over my neck. I started to bang my head gently with painful heart “Why you ruined your life, Abhimanyu? I was doomed not you. You had the chance to live your life, but I had no choice other than to surrender to my doomed fate.” The whole world shook around me. I kept on weeping in the dark cabin space of the rear seat of his car.



On observing them approaching the car, I wiped my face with the back of my hand sported a smile on my lips.

I asked my cub---“Are you happy now?” I looked at his face, he also seemed happy by seeing smile on my sons face. There was no sign of tiredness on my filial’s face. It seemed that he was having a great time. He was in the most secure arms on this earth.



The night was darkening outside. The car turned towards some place, in some housing complex and stopped in front of a house. I looked outside to find out in vain, as what was the place.

He looked over his shoulder towards me and said---“We have reached.” He walked out of the car with Abhi on his lap.

“Not for a single time he has called my name. I am dying to hear my name from your lips, please.” I kept on telling to me. “You have not yet called him by his name, Paree.”

He pointed to the balcony of the first floor “That is my apartment, small abode of solace.” He handed me the keys and said, “Go, inside, I am coming.”

---“Where are you going?”

He laughed at me---“I live alone, I need to buy some groceries for dinner. I am not rich like you. I earn daily and buy my food daily.”

“Mocking at me.” I laughed at him “I don’t have a car.”

---“Don’t tell a lie.”

---“No I am serious”

---“Ok I believe you. Now go inside and change, I will come with few minutes. Do I need to buy something for you and your son?”

---“Milk and Nappies.”

He laughed at Abhi, rubbed his nose on his small nose---“Still pee during night.”

Abhi giggled at him, held his hair with his hand and pulled them hard.

They went away. The driver took out our baggage from the boot.



I opened the door and entered his apartment. I kept my left foot forward and felt ripples inside me. “My peaceful abode I always wanted to have.” I looked around the house. It was a two-room apartment. On one room, there was small bed. The beddings was scattered all over the bed. The bed-sheet was dirty. In the other room, there was a chair, a table, a refrigerator and a TV. I looked around the floor, all over the floor, the cigarettes buts were lying around. “So you have not stopped smoking. What is this Abhimanyu, you promised me once, have you forgotten.”



“Madam where shall I keep these bags” the driver asked me. I said to him to keep them in any room. I was busy in looking his abode of solace. “How can a person stay alone for last ten years? Why have not you found someone after you came to know that I was married?” “Paree, was you happy while you were married? No, for every single day, you hankered for him. Same happened to him also, Paree.”

I opened my bag, took out my evening gown, and went inside the bathroom. “Oh! No, what a hell.” The bathroom was also very dirty. I smiled at myself “You have not changed a bit, dear.”



I came out and walked into his kitchen to find something to cook. The sight of the sink made me sick. I tied a rubber band in my hair and pressed my nose. The utensils were rotting for last seven days probably. There was a stench smell coming out from the wastebasket. “You are really hopeless.” I started to clean the kitchen, as if I have reached my abode after a long absence and he has gone out with my son to buy groceries. I took out a plastic from one corner of the kitchen and put all the dirt’s in the plastic bag and walked to the balcony to keep there. I took out a broom from the corner of the kitchen and started dusting the floor, which was probably covered with few inches of dirt.

I was very happy while cleaning the kitchen as if I was in the seventh heaven. All my tiredness was gone. I was feeling rejuvenated as if elixir of vigor was flowing through my veins. I was humming my old favourite song “Eii jibon chilo nodir moton disha hara goti hara..….”



After finishing the kitchen I went inside his bedroom, rather say a dingy room. I laughed at myself while cleaning his bed “How come you can live here?” I brought my bags inside and unpacked few dressed of my son and daily need things I would have at night. As there was no dressing table in his apartment so, I had to keep my creams and combs on a chair nearby. I looked around the walls and observed that there was no calendar or wall clock or any wall hangings. The walls were bare and pale white coloured.



I went inside the room having the chair-table and refrigerator. The refrigerator was switched-off “So you have some brain that you switched-off the fridge before you went away?” I opened the fridge and found that a container of pulses was rotting inside. Few apples and bananas were kept all black and there was stench odour coming out. “You are terrible. You do not know how to live.”



I was engrossed in cleaning his room. I heard a knock on the door. “You rascals have returned at last.”

He stepped inside, handed me a bag full of groceries and looked around the house “Oh! This is definitely not my house.” He joked at me.

He put down Abhi from his lap. My son waved a bar of chocolate at me---“Mamma chocolate.”

---“Not this time, we have to take dinner sweetheart.”

I gave a mischievous smile at him and joked---“You have not changed a bit.”

He bowed down and showed his head---“See, few strands of hair has turned grey. Who told I have not changed. By the way, your son is very sweet.”

---“Hmm…. So are you. Go and change I will cook out something.”

He stood there while Abhi ran all around the room. He looked at me from toe to tip. I felt his gaze was melting each pores of my skin. I felt my heart melting by his lovelorn eyes. My face turned red and my cheeks blushed. I removed my strand of tress dangling on my right cheek with my index finger and almost yelled out “Please don’t give that look at me. I will melt down for sure.”

He apprehended my restiveness and walked towards the bathroom. He left me stranded melting away with his lovely eyes hovering on my face.

I took Abhi on my lap and asked, “What you did?” He was unable to understand the anxiety playing inside his mother’s soul.

“What is keeping you behind bars from talking to me?” “How can he talk, Paree, he knows that you are married and he is seeing you with your son.” “How can I speak up if he doesn’t ask about me?” “Wait Paree, wait. You have just met. He is also thinking the same. He will talk.” “What if he never talks to me about my past, about my present?” “Why are you being so skeptical Paree?” “What should I do?” “Enjoy the time you are with him.”



My string of query broke when I heard the bathroom door to open. He came out of the bathroom and asked me---“You were cooking something? I am dying.”

I smiled at him and joked---“You are always in a hurry.”

He took a deep breath and shook his head---“I was never in a hurry.”

His answer shook every tendril of my body. Goosebumps rose from every pore “You don’t know what happened to me. You never called home again.” I felt a hot gush of blood raced all over my face. My soul burnt with his burning words filled up with hidden pains.



He took my son from my lap and walked towards the bathroom “Come on, we have to be fresh.”

I clenched my jaws and walked in the kitchen to cook the meal. I stood silently looking at the burning blue flame of gas oven. Tears rolled down my cheeks “I wanted to wait, Abhimanyu. I was not allowed to. You are not a girl, so you will not understand my restrictions. You will blame me. At least before blaming me, you should ask me what made to traverse such coarse path. Why I had to squander off?”



Suddenly I felt as if he was standing behind me. I closed my eyes; I could hear my heartbeat even. “Are you going to touch me?” I almost died in anticipation, held my breath to long for his touch.

He whispered near my ears---“Pulses are boiling, where are you lost?” I felt his warm breath flowing on my bare nape and shoulder. I trembled in that light breeze.

“I am lost in you, can’t you see in my eyes, on my face? You stupid fellow.” I tried to yell at him. “Just ask me once that if I am happy or not? I want to tell you everything and even after that if you feel to evade me, I will never cross your path.”

I was afraid to turn and look into his eyes. I closed my eyes, bit my lower lips---“Go and sit at the table. I am coming with dinner.”



At the dining table, I expected him to speak up and ask me something. He was very quiet and I was busy feeding my son. The silence was killing us both; I could behold the pains dripping from his eyes while he was munching the dinner. I kept myself busy feeding Abhi.

All the silence and pain was burning inside my soul and I vented my ire on my little fawn “Come on eat quickly. I am tired, so are you.” I was losing my self-control. The silence was overwhelming. I screamed at my child “You are a real pain for me.” My son started crying.

He chewed his words and threw a ball of fire at me---“Why are you venting ire on that little soul?”

I looked at him with tearful eyes and burning face. Our eyes met for a fraction of second and I looked down to the plate. I fathomed that his gaze was fixated upon my face. Abhi ran away fro me towards him, crying. He outstretched his arms and took him on his lap

He asked him soothingly---“You don’t want to eat?”

My fawn nodded his head “No.”

He left the dinner table, unfinished plate---“Want to sleep with me?”

I lost my appetite. “Go away. Why you came back to my life if you are not going to ask me what happened to me?”

I yelled out at my son---“Come to bed.”



Abhi clasped his neck with all his strength and hid his face on his shoulder. His little back was throbbing with crest and troughs of juvenile anger. His mother vented on him.

He looked at me “I am sorry. I am really sorry. He will sleep. You can goto sleep.” He rubbed my son’s back “Come let’s have drive in your red car.”

My sons face was enlightened---“Red car?”

“Yes red car.” He gave a pleading look at me and asked me to sleep.

“I have lost my sleep long ago. I do not have peace of mind. I do not have a home to sleep. I am standing like a castaway, lost in oblivion.”

I observed with my sniveled eyes that my apple of my eye and my heart walked out of the door waving their hand at me. I wiped my tears and smiled at them, “You are in the lap where you should be.”



I walked into the bedroom and took out the diary from my laptop bag. Arranged all the torn pages and looked at them. I stared at those scribbles on the pages. I was unable to think of anything. I lay down with a dark void soul on the bed and wept alone.



Hours passed with tick of clock. I heard his footsteps and ran towards the door. He returned, with Abhi sleeping peacefully in his arms. He walked inside the bedroom and lay down my sleeping angel on the bed. I was observing how caring nature he has. “Do they share the resemblance of name or more than that?”

He turned towards me and said in a low voice---“Get some sleep. We will talk tomorrow.”

I smiled at him and nodded my head “Yes” same time I said to myself “I have lost my sleep.”

He walked out of the room.



I lay down on the bed looking at the face of my angel who was peacefully lying down beside me. The overhead fan was running at full speed trying hard to cool down the fire inside my soul. Few hours passed, I turned restlessly on the bed unable to close my eyes. I heard some footsteps. I looked at the doorway, the light of the other room was still on, which meant that he has not slept. I wanted to walk into his room and speak to him. I observed his silhouette standing behind the curtain. The bedroom was dark. I saw him moving the curtain aside and look into the room. I was about to get up and ask him but he went away and closed the door of his room.

I cursed him and myself “Why? What is keeping you so restrained?” I kept on turning on the bed for whole night. When I lost myself into slumber, I do not know.



I woke up on hearing the calling bell. I walked out of the room and looked at the closed door of his room. I felt to knock him, instead I thought “He is tired let me look at the door.” I opened the door to find his maid standing with queer look at her face.

She asked me---“Sirji is not at home?”

---“He is tired, he is sleeping.”

She gave a queer look as if she has seen a ghost, walked inside and finished her daily chores.

I walked in to the kitchen to prepare myself a cup of tea. My son was sleeping peacefully. I took my morning bath as usual and changed my dress. “If you are not asking anything then don’t expect me to speak. I will return to my life.”

After few hours, he woke up. He was abusing someone on the phone. I handed him a cup of tea, he took the cup from me and smiled and then again started abusing on the phone. From the words, I understood that something wrong has happened in his office. “Oh! My god, he has to goto office. No please god, don’t do this to me.” I begged at HIM with all my crave.



After he kept his phone I asked him---“What happened?”

He shook his head in dismay while sipping the tea---“This bullshit servers. Your flight is in the evening right? At what time?”

---“At seven but I have to reach there by five.”

---“Yeah I know. I will come back. I have to go.”

I screamed inside me “What? You have to go without hearing any word from my side. You have not asked a single query about ChotoMa and Babu. What type of person you are?”

My back was at the wall, I had nothing to lose. I chewed my words and threw them towards him---“I have to say something to you.”

He looked up startled with a sudden change in my voice---“What?”

I lost my words; I looked the other way to hide my pains “How to start? Where to start?”

I observed from the corner of my eyes that he was looking at the ceiling and banged his fist in the air in sheer dismay. He then stood up and said to me---“I have to goto office.” He walked towards the bathroom carrying his dress.

I wailed at him---“I have to say a lot, Abhimanyu. You have to hear me. Do not leave me like this. I am a widow, living a lonely life.” he had closed the door already.



He came out after bathing and went directly to his room to dress up. I sat on the chair stoned to death, writhing in pain. I looked at his face while he walked out, for a fraction of a second our eyes met. His eyes were red. He probably wept in the bathroom. I walked behind him to the bedroom. I stood at the door and watched him. He was dressed up and was looking at my Angel’s face. He stealthily wiped the corner of his eyes and bend down to kiss my Angel’s cheek. I could not control myself anymore. I sobbed out, the sound echoed softly in his ears. He got startled as if he was caught in some devious action. He gave a painful look at my sniveled contoured face and walked past me.



He picked up his bag and looked at me---“My car will come back after leaving me at my office. You can use it. My driver will be there. Take care of your son. Goodbye. Enjoy your life.”

“That’s what has evaded me, dear. I have no peace.” I bit my lower lips and stood there at the door, watching him ride away in his car.

“You both are stupid. You both are not fit to live in this world.” I kept lamenting to myself. I walked to the bedroom and lay down on the bed cuddling my son tightly across my chest. “I will stay alone. I will live for you my child.”

I felt disgusted and lost. I woke my son and packed my bags. I called Mr. Pannikar and asked him to meet me at the airport. I apologized to him that I was not feeling well so I would hand-over his papers at the airport. For the whole day, I was very much agitated on both of us. I kept on thinking, “What made him not to approach to me? Why he did not ask me anything? I can feel that he still preserves his disgust against his parents but even after meeting me why he kept quiet.”



I prepared the dinner for him and packed it in the refrigerator. I dusted his table and chair, arranged the books and papers on the table. I sat on the chair and gave a blank look at the walls. I smiled at my Angel, who was engrossed in playing and babbling in the new environment. I walked up into the bedroom, looked at the bed, to the walls, and gave a sniveled goodbye to all of them. I felt that I should write something.



I wrote on a piece of yellow sticker and put that on the refrigerator door,

“Good bye. I have prepared dinner at that is in the fridge. Hope that you will find peace in your life. Your parents are waiting for you, goto them. I am not the same person, what you are thinking. Try to look beyond and walk for a better future.”



I asked my son---“We should go home.”

He came running to me---“Askeem mountain, Mamma?”

I took a deep breath and smiled painfully at him---“No sweetheart, not to askeem mountain today. We will goto askeem mountain some other day. I am also dying to goto askeem mountain with someone, but see he is not even looking at me. He thinks that I am happy in my world. Yes I am happy with you. Is not it, honey?”

He babbled---“Aeroplane Mamma?”

I took him on my lap and called the driver to pack my luggage in the car.

---“Yes we are going to aeroplane, Abhi. Lets us go.”



I looked around the house and locked the door, with my sniveled eyes and walked out with my son. “You both were so near yet you were so far. What restrained you both?”

I cuddled my cub tightly across my chest “I may fail as a lover. But I will never fail as a mother. I am a mother now. Love with some past, is a closed chapter for me.”



On the way, I called my beloved sister-in-law.

---“What made you cut the call yesterday? And why haven’t you called me since then.”

I lost my voice as how to say to her. I paused for a moment and then spoke in a quivering voice---“I met him, met Abhimanyu. I stayed at his place.”

She was unable to believe her ears. She screamed over the phone---“What?”

I spoke in a very depressing cold voice---“Yes, we stayed at his place.”

She was eager to know what happened between us---“Have not you talked?”

---“No, Churni. He has changed. He was very quiet and different. He spoke nothing.”

---“And you idiot, why did not you spoke?”

I yelled at her---“I tried to but he did not listen. He went away to his office on some pretext.”

---“Damn, I am going to kill you both.”

I smiled painfully at her words---“I deserve to get killed, Churni. I am coming back.”

---“I will send Dushtu to airport to pick you up.”

---“No need. I can go home.”



We got down at the airport. Abhi looked at my agonized face. His little juvenile soul was filled with bewilderment as why his mom always cries.

The driver arranged all my luggage’s on the trolley and handed me an white envelop.

---“Sirji gave you this envelop.”

I asked him---“What is that?” I knew how could he know what was inside that envelop.



I walked past the gate and took the boarding pass. I took Abhi on my lap and sat at the lounge waited for my boarding call. I opened the envelop.

“I never wanted to meet you again after I came to know that you are married. I severed my ties with my family because I knew that if I keep ties then your married life would be jeopardized. I understand in what situation you were married. However, the truth is that you are someone else’s wife, someone’s mother. I do not want to bring any more turbulence in your happy life. I was about to pass, but your son waved at me. I stood still and walked towards him. I will not be able to stand your sniveled eyes again, so I went away. Try to forget as what happened, what we did and live a beautiful life. Goodbye.”

“What the hell. Without even knowing my life, how can you do this to me?” I clenched my jaws, shredded the page, and threw that in the dustbin before boarding the aeroplane.



“Goodbye, I don’t want to keep any relation with a person who makes up his mind on his own without knowing the reality. Goodbye Abhimanyu.”

______________________________
 
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Chapter 4: Dawn at Midnight

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I reached home at about ten o clock in the night. Abhi already slept, so I lay him on the bed. I lay beside him, without changing my clothes, lamented on my doomed fate. I cuddled him and wept, “Don’t worry sweetheart. I am here with you always.” After sometime, I walked to the kitchen and cooked some rice for me for dinner. I finished my dinner halfheartedly.

Whenever the thoughts of Abhimanyu swarm in my mind, I cursed him and myself for not taking the step that both of us wanted but restrained to take. The hot, humid April was killing me. The overhead fan was unable to quench my thirst. I went inside the bathroom, turned on the shower. The cold water ran down my body. I sat under the shower on the floor. The water dripped continuously on my head, drenched my writhing mind and soul. “Why, why, God, you tried to met us and then pulled us apart? What wrong I did in my whole life that I had to writhe in pain for my whole life? Why can’t I live a peaceful happy life?” I asked several thousand of question; however, HE answered none. I saw HIM smiling at me.

I was loitering in the drawing room, looking out of the balcony. I felt free to be at home after a week of harried trip.



It was about half past eleven, Maithili called me---“Have you reached home safely?”

---“Yes. How is Titli?”

---“She is doing well. Abhi has slept?”

---“Yes he is sleeping.”

“Are you alone in the house?” her query baffled me.

---“Yes I am alone. Who will be with me?”

She giggled on the phone---“No one, I am coming with Titli tomorrow morning. You might have brought something for us right?”

I laughed---“Yes, yes. I will be waiting. Good night.”

I kept on thinking, “Why she was talking to me like that?” Her voice was very different as if she was mocking me.



I was about to goto bed when the doorbell rang. I murmured, “Who the hell could be at this point of time? It is dead night.”

I opened the door and I was dumbfounded to find you standing at the door, in the middle of the night wearing a devilish smile on your lips. I was unable to believe my eyes that you could come at that point of time.



You grinned at me and said---“Oh! Come on don’t give that look at me, please.”

You walked into the drawing room, threw your bag on the sofa and loosened your tie. I was baffled by your nature, and you were grinning at me mischievously. I lost my words, even I pinched myself to find out whether I was dreaming or not. I was looking at you with my wide eyes. You stretched your arms as if you have come late from office as usual and I was waiting for you, for dinner. You were acting very normally yet all seemed to me very abnormal to me.

You gave a pleading look at me and said---“I am hungry. This low cost airline does not serve food. Even two-fifty bucks for a sandwich, what the hell.”

I lost my voice; I was unable to fathom, why you were behaving like that.

You walked towards the fridge, opened that, and asked me---“Where is the dal (pulses)?”

I had a jolt in my brain, on hearing you. I was astonished to hear and told to myself, “You flew from New Delhi, arrive at middle of the night, open my fridge without asking me and then ask for dal?” I locked the door and stood as a stone effigy.

You looked at my baffled face and asked---“Oh! Come on I missed your boiled dal, boiled rice with mustard oil.”

I was so much agitated by your sudden behaviour that I almost yelled at you, but those words did not come out of my throat as it went dry “Can you explain me what you are doing in my house?” My ears were red; chest was having ripples of angst. I was trembling with a red-hot face.

You sported a helpless smile and said---“I was hungry. I had no cooking gas so I flew down here to have my dinner. Simple.”



I was boiling in angst, tears came in my eyes, and I screamed at you---“First, you don’t want to talk to me. Second, you do not listen to me. Third, you made your own decision without even asking me, now you drop at my house to have your dinner. Are you insane?”



You brought your face near to me, looked deeply into my eyes. I could not restrain myself from melting in that amorous pleading look. My heart was beating very fast, as your warm breath flooded on my lips and nose. My eyes were fixated on your parted lips. My heart was beating like a huge drum inside my chest; I could even hear your heartbeat. Your eyes grazed down from my eyes to my nose to my lips. Drops of tears soaked my eyelids and flooded my partially closed eyes. My nose tip was hot as amber.



You whispered in a hushed tone---“Please, I am dying in hunger, time-out please. Can we have a short recess and then you continue with your tussle?”

My lips trembled, I grinded my jaws and smiled at you---“Don’t give that look at me. Goto to bathroom and freshen up while I prepare the dinner for you.”

You pulled up your face and asked me---“Has my Angel slept?”

With tearful eyes, I shrinked my nose and smiled---“Yes, your Angel has slept. He was unaware that a devil was coming else he would have not slept.”

You asked me---“Where is the bathroom?”

I joked at you---“You know the fridge then find the bathroom.” and then I pointed towards the bathroom.

You walked towards bathroom---“That’s how you treat a hungry person? What am I going to wear?”



I walked towards the kitchen, looked over my shoulder to find as what you were doing. I saw that you were sporting a grin by looking my back. All my tendrils burnt in your amorous lewd gaze. I felt someone poured boiling lava on my back.

I was so agitated that I screamed at you---“GO INSIDE.”

---“I am coming out in a towel.”

---“NO, I will give you something.”



While preparing your dinner, I kept on thinking that “What made you appear in my house at that point of time? Was that my diary? No, I remember that I kept that in my laptop bag and it my laptop bag is lying on my table. Then what? And how come you got my address?”

I was so much engrossed in my thoughts and same time smiling inside me. My heart was skipping like a puerile fawn, frolicking in green meadows.



My string of thought broke when I heard your footstep approaching the kitchen. I looked over my shoulder only to find that you were standing there, wrapped in a towel around your waist. I could not stop laughing at you.

I asked you---“Get one of my cotton saree from the cupboard and wrap that.”

You bowed your head as obedient dog---“Ok as madam wishes.”

I asked you---“How you got my address?”

Your eyes grazed over my face. I blushed to find your eyes fixated on my red lips.

You gave me a sweet smile---“A sexy lady gave me.”

I understood from your answer that you have called Maithili and she gave you the address.

---“That is why she asked me whether I was alone in the house or not?”

You exclaimed and threw your arms in air in veiled despair---“Oh, she called you? Churni promised me that she is not going to tell you anything. I wanted to give you a surprise.”

---“You have already surprised me, Abhi. Why are you here?”

You pleaded---“Paree, I am hungry. Please give the dinner.”

The moment I heard my name from your lips, my heart melted and it flowed down my cheeks---“Go change yourself; I am waiting at the table.”



You went inside the bedroom. I arranged rice, dal, onion and salt in a plate and sat on the table. I waited for you but you were not coming out of the bedroom. There was no noise. I was curious as what was taking you so long. I tiptoed to the bedroom and what I saw made me to bit my lower lips hard and cry.



You were kneeled down on the floor, beside our Angel, stooped down and looking lovingly over his cute sleeping face. In the low light of the bedroom, I observed that tears drops rolled down your cheeks. You took his hand in yours and rubbed his soft palms over your unshaved cheeks. You were crying and rubbing his palms all over your cheek. You were gently shaking your head in dismay and pain. I came near you and sat beside you on the floor.



You did not looked up but whispered to me in a choked voice---“I missed his first step, his first word, and his first turn. I do not want to miss his graduation convocation ceremony; I do not want to miss his first day at his job. I don’t want to miss anything.”

I sobbed and rested my head on your right shoulder and held your hand tightly---“You are not going to miss anything.”

I tried to suck every bit of your warmth emancipating from your bare arm to burn me down and fill my heart with a halo of peace. We sat there weeping, for how long we did not know. You repeatedly rubbed his soft palms all over your cheeks and I rubbed my cheeks on your shoulder.

I felt that you were hungry so I wiped my eyes and pinched you---“You devil, are not you hungry? Come to the dining table.”

You looked at my face and turned towards me, took my face between your palms and I closed my eyes. My hand came up over your shoulder and I held you by the back of your head. I parted my lips to taste the honey I missed for a decade. I felt your lips grazing over mine and your arms were around my waist. You pulled me into you. I felt to shrink myself into a tiny drop of blood and hide myself in your heart so that no one could take me apart from you, never. I felt your warm breath flooded my warm face, deluging my lips with your honey from your lips. You squashed my soft lips and I ran my fingers on your hair pulling your face more into mine so as not to leave you again. Your arms were crushing me; my slender soft figure was melting like a piece of butter in touch of a hot plate. Our emotions were flooding through our eyes. We both were sobbing and kissing each other frantically. You made me hungrier and never wanted to end that kiss. I was breathing hard, my bosom crushed and flattened on your chest. I felt that each pores of my body opened up. I stopped to take the breath and looked at you with glistening and smiling eyes. You did not lose your grip around my waist, and I enjoyed every bit of warmth on your lap.



I joked at you by seeing your painful sniveled eyes---“The dinner is getting cold.”

You gave desperate smile at me trying to kiss me again. I put my right index finger on your lips and said---“I want to hear everything then you can ….”

I stood up leaving you thirsty, and I was enjoying your thirst. I walked to the cupboard, took out one ordinary cotton blue saree, and threw that to you asked you to wrap that around you. You took that smelled my fragrance out of the saree; I laughed at you and shook my head “You naughty fellow”

I waved my index finger at you and asked you to come for dinner, as it was getting cold. You wrapped my saree and walked behind me.

I asked you---“Now tell me everything else you are not getting dinner.”

You gave a pleading smile at me and said---“I am not hungry after seeing you.”

I shook my head and mashed the rice and pulses---“Start or my Angel will kill you.”

---“I am waiting to die in your Angel’s arm.”



I pushed a handful of mashed rice in your mouth---“Ok, now tell me everything.” You started chewing. While you were chewing the rice, it reminded me the night you came running for me from Kolkata after your encounter with your sexy, Churni. I laughed, looking at your face as you were also thinking the same.



You started to tell me your part of the tale---“I was the last person to come out the flight as I was very tired. I walked slowly towards the conveyer belt, hoping to get to home as soon as possible and hit the bed. All of a sudden, I saw you and your cub. I was surprised and all my tiredness was blown away. He smiled at me. I waved my fingers at him. I could not restrain myself from adoring you from the back. I thought that lightening does not strike twice in the same place, even if it strikes then it is HIS will, however, I was unable to apprehend what HE meant to say to us. I trotted slowly behind you, kneeled down before your fawn, who smiled and leapt on my lap. My heart was thumping very hard inside my chest as if it wanted to tear apart my lungs and leap out. I was in tears as he touched me, wrapped his tiny hands around my neck.



I was very happy to see you both, again. When I asked you to come with me, and you stopped, I felt very agitated that what a stupid question I asked you. I apologized to you but to my sheer amazement, you accepted my invitation and I was in seventh heaven.



I wanted to talk to you badly, however, every time I wanted to speak up, it strained my soul that you were married and I have no right to storm into your blissful marital life. For the whole night, I could not sleep and I kept on lamenting on my doomed fate. I asked myself and pleaded to HIM, that why he allowed us to met again? HE did not answer but only gave a peaceful smile. Even after seeing HIM smile, I was unable to fathom as what was coming next.

I knew that I would not be able to stand in front of you while you depart again. It reminded me of the Kalka station. You went away; tears were flowing down your cheeks. I stood there alone in the dark cold night. Therefore, I called one of my juniors and asked him to give me a call in the morning so that I can make a pretext of office. Whole day, I was unable to concentrate. I was very restless and puffed almost a score of cigarettes.”



I asked you---“You were so much agitated, then why did not you ask me why I married?”

You said---“I knew that you were married under pressure. Kalyani told me, so it was immaterial to ask you that question.”

I was curious to know that what made you change your decision---“What made you think the other?”



Each time I was putting rice in your mouth as usual naughty, you lingered your lips on my fingers. You licked my fingers and I was feeling tingly all over my arms. You did not stop licking my fingers and I had to pull out fingers forcibly from your mouth.

---“I came home, driver handed me the keys. I opened the door and stood dumbfounded. My house was looking very different. In every place, I saw your touch. Beds were done neatly, all the utensils in the kitchen were glistening brightly, and the floor and the walls were clean. I walked up the fridge and read the yellow sticker that you put on the door. I read those lines repeatedly and closed my eyes. I was feeling that I was again lost in oblivion. Your face came in front of my tearful eyes. The glisten of the diamond ring restrained me to talk to you. I kept on looking at the diamond ring. I cursed myself as why that diamond ring was not of mine?”



I smiled at you and said---“The diamond ring was not from my late husband even.”

You shook your head and said---“I know, my sexy damsel told me that.”

---“Then what happened?”



---“I kept on thinking about your marriage. Suddenly it dawned to me that my mom searched for a groom for you, so he should be a Bengali. However, there was no iron bangle on your wrist, which is a sign for every Bengali married woman. I felt a jolt in my head, that what on the earth could have happened to you. I picked up the phone and dialed my sexy damsel’s number.”



I was very annoyed as you were addressing Maithili, sexy damsel every time. I scolded you---“Will you stop calling Churni by that name? She really repents on her words, she said to you that night.”

---“Come on I am joking.”

---“Ok, then what?”

---“I called her, Subroto picked up the phone. He was not expecting my call, so he was unable to recognize my voice. I said him how are you doing bloody swine? He got very agitated that some unknown person was calling him swine on the phone.”

I laughed at you---“You called Subroto Da, Swine?”

---“Yes, then he started hurling me abuses on the phone.”

---“It is natural.”

---“I was enjoying his abuses and to make him angrier I asked him to hand over the phone to my sexy girlfriend. His brain was blown through the roof by hearing those lewd words on the phone.”

I laughed out loudly upon hearing you---“You told Subroto Da that you want to talk to his wife and that also like ‘hi I wanna talk to my sexy girlfriend’ ?“



You laughed after finishing the dinner. I asked you to wash your face. I sat on the couch and you came and sat on the floor between my legs. You leaned back and rested your head on my lap and I started to comb your hair. I stooped down to kiss your forehead. You had your eyes closed while my lips lingered over your forehead. Our glasses were fighting with each other.

You joked at me---“First it was my mom, and now it is this glasses.”

I took off my glasses---“Mine is very low power, what about yours?”

---“Minus five.”

---“Oh! God, then if you take off glasses then you are blind.”

---“I can see you from a mile even if I don’t wear any glasses.”

I passed my arms around your shoulder and rested on your bare chest. I asked you to continue.



---“I thought that it is better to break the ice as I was very much anxious as what you were doing. Therefore, I revealed my identity to him. He was dumbfounded he forgot to speak. Same thing happened to me on the other side. I was choked when I told him that I was sorry for what all pains I gave to them. His voice shook like a twig; he said to me that he would kill me when he meets me. I told him that I am dying to meet him.



He then handed the phone to Churni. We both remained silent for few seconds. We both lost our vocabulary. I spoke first and asked her how she was doing. She started to sob, and she kept on lamenting that she was sorry for what all she said to me. I was unable to understand how to console her. I said to her that all was okay. She screamed at me that no nothing was ok. I was unable to understand as what she meant to say. Then she started telling me all about you. I kept of hearing. She went on telling how you were married, how you received the letter, how you had your first miscarriage.”



I was choked as you reminded me my dark painful past. My tears dropped on your eyes and that made you to stop your words. You looked at me and said---“Ok I am sorry.”

I wiped my tears---“No, that’s ok. Now you are with me, so I am not afraid of dark.” I asked you to continue.



---“She talked to me for an hour. I sat there on my bed, writhing in pain and agony. I tried hard to put myself in your shoes to apprehend those pains that you had to bear. I clenched my fist and banged my forehead repeatedly. She screamed at me ‘what are you waiting for, go get her, else I am going to kill you now, and this time I mean real.’ I wiped my eyes and whispered in the phone that I adore her most. She sobbed out at me that she knew what I meant to say.

I asked my driver to bring the car. I checked on the net about the flights. There was a late night low cost airline flight to Kolkata and I am here for dinner.”

I asked you---“So you have not called your mom?”

---“Yes I called once I got my boarding pass, I called your ChotoMa. She was in a state of shock to hear my voice after a decade. She was elated and cried out on the phone.”

Your looked at me with squint eyes and asked me---“Do you know what she told to me?”

---“What?”

---“She said to me to bring her grandson home. My angst did not wean so I asked her, if she wanted her grandson so badly then why she did this to us. She cried out, asked me repeatedly that she want to meet her grandson, and asked me to bring him back. I shook my head and promised her that I am coming to bring her grandson back.”



You finished your part of the story and we both sat there benumbed with tearful eyes. We were looking into each other’s eyes.

I asked you whether you wanted to sleep or not. You said to me that you were dying to sleep beside our Angel. I smiled at you and asked you to take rest.



You asked me---“What are you going to do now, take some rest?”

I smiled at you and said---“I am having new blood in my veins. I have new strength in my body. I have lots of work to do.”

You asked me---“What?”

I said---“At first I will mail my resignation to my institute, and then prepare for the day. We have to goto ChotoMa’s house and Maithili is coming. So I have to goto market also.”

You were surprised when I said that I would resign, you asked me---“Why resign, I can come to Kolkata.”



I walked up to you and you held me in your arms, pulled me to your chest. I wrapped my arms around your body tightly and rested my face on your chest. I enjoyed your heartbeat on my ear. I whispered to you---“I am very tired Abhi, I want to take rest and go home. Take me home, Abhi. I wanted to live my life and now I have it. I have the thief of my heart and my angel. My world starts from both of you and ends in both of you. I don’t want anything.”



You hugged me with all your strength, kissed my head and rubbed your nose on my scalp. I sobbed as I felt your nose tip rubbing in my hair. I planted small kisses on your chest, over your warm skin. We stood there as of the time stopped around us, we basked in the glory of our unison.

I asked you whether you were feeling sleepy or not, you said that you were not at all tired. You said that you were feeling rejuvenated.



I asked you what kept you alive in the last ten years. You said that you had an old handkerchief and the fragrance of that handkerchief kept you alive. I wanted to see that handkerchief. We walked to the bedroom and you took out the handkerchief from your purse. It was no more white; it was pale yellow. I took that piece of silk cloth in my fingers and brought it to my nose. It did not smell good.



I shrinked my nose and joked at you---“You lived with this piece of silk cloth?”

You nodded---“Yes, and now I want a replacement of that.”

I shook my head and said to you---“This time you are not getting any replacement of that. Last time it replaced me, I do not want anything of mine to replace me this time. Understand.”

You bowed down---“Yes madam.”



Suddenly Abhi cried out in his sleep. You leapt on the bed and rubbed his chest, he peacefully closed his eyes. I looked at both of you. You placed your index finger on your lips, gestured me to keep quiet. I shrinked my eyebrows and looked at both of you. You pulled a pillow and lay down beside him, softly hugging him in your arms. I covered my lips with both my palms as I felt crying. The sight was overwhelming for me, both my love and affection was together. You close your eyes as you were tired and after some time you swooned away in deep slumber.



I walked out to the balcony. Outstretched my arms above my head. I took a deep breath of fresh air blowing from the park situated in front of my apartment. The birds were chirping outside. The sun was peeping from the east horizon. It was a new dawn for both of us.

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Newbie
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Chapter 5: Retire to Heaven

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The time our car crossed the Rakcham bridge, the sun already went down behind the hills on the west. The road was as usual a narrow and coarse one as it was a decade ago. Nothing in that part of the country has changed much. My angel vomited and was ill, the entire journey. That was his first time a trip with all his family and that too to his dream place ‘ice-cream mountain’. Probably he dreamt of those places when he was in my womb, as his mother also loves those snow-clad mountains. His illness made our journey bit painful and slowed us down. He was sleeping on my lap and Abhimanyu was seated on the front seat with the driver, navigating along with him, as the road was dark.


I was looking out of the window recalling the past few months, which was full of events.

ChotoMa and Babu found their lost son along with their daughter-in-law whom they spurned decade ago and wanted to have me as their daughter instead. They tried to change the course of the river and it was HIS wish at last that the river met the ocean instead of squandering off in oblivion. However, Abhi did not want to stay in Kolkata, he cited the reason that the wall was too high to cross over and we returned to New Delhi. A new place for me a new life for all of us.

Many things around us had changed after our lives were conjoined. I left my job in Saha Institute, Dr. Sarkar requested me repeatedly that he could contact his peers in IIT-Delhi and he could help me in getting a job there. Abhimanyu was not against that, but I was happy with what I got. I wanted to take rest. I wanted to do something for Maithili and Kalyani as they helped me a lot in those past ten years. We sold all my household furniture and whatever money we got, we both gifted to Titli and Pubali for their future.

Dushtu was studying in his second year in college in arts stream. He was very happy to see Abhimanyu back again. Abhi teased him “Want to hear that story of the thief and the fairy?” He blushed and said to him “I will steal my own fairy like you stole yours.” He said to Dushtu “I will be eagerly waiting to hear your story.”

The day we left Kolkata, it was summer but it was raining hard not from the sky but from every one’s eyes whoever came to bid us goodbye at the airport. I looked at my son’s face and my heartthrob’s face with sniveled eyes. Their face gave me the strength and I walked with a smiling face to the security check, waving to our relatives.

My string of thought broke as my Angel shivered on my lap and I cuddled across my bosom to give him warmth. He opened up his beautiful big eyes and smiled at me.

I smiled back at him and asked---“What happened?”

---“Drink juice.”

I opened the can of frooti and he sipped it. I asked Abhi---“Do you want to drink or eat anything?”

He was so much engrossed looking for the road that he could not hear as what I asked him. I slapped on the back of his head and asked him again---“Want to eat something; can we stop somewhere?”

He looked over his shoulder and said---“We can’t stop right now as the road is narrow and dangerous.”

My Angel cried out---“I want to goto Dyada.”

He looked behind, stretched his arms and angel leapt on his lap. I asked him---“Now cool your heels there and don’t bother me, till the car stops.”

I asked Abhi---“Nothing has actually changed here; it is same as we came here ten years ago.”

He smiled and said to me---“My Eve, change in this world is evitable. If the world does not change then it will die. It is dark outside so we are unable to see what has changed and what not.”

---“But the bumps on the road that I am experiencing is same as what I experienced years ago.” He looked at me over his shoulder and winked at me. His gesture turned me red, as I knew what he meant to say. My heart thumped rapidly inside my chest when the reminiscences of first night’s fight came in front of my eyes. I slapped coyly on the back of his head to vent my blush.

He winked at me again and then said---“This time no morning, dear.” I bit my lower lips as it reminded me how we lose ourselves the morning after that first fight.

I looked outside the window into the dark. I saw that Abhi and Paree were fighting in that night and then he came near Paree and snuggled into her blanket. Paree closed her eyes, took his hand on her chest and swooned into blissful slumber, in peace.

I bent forward and whispered in his ears---“This time we have a laptop.”

He stretched back his neck and rubbed his tip gently on my left cheek and whispered---“After putting it in sleep mode.” I laughed at him.

The time we reached Chitkul, it was eight o’clock in the night and it was pitch black as usual. We were fortunate to get the same room in the same hotel. I asked Abhi how he managed. He smiled at me and said that he arranged that beforehand. He had called the manager and booked the room. I asked him why did not informed me previously. He gave me a sleek smile and said he wanted to surprise me.



My angel was looking around he looked very depressed. I asked him as what has happened. His juvenile voice voiced his concern that he was unable to see and ‘askeem mountain’. We both laughed at him as that was the same question I asked Abhimanyu years ago. My angel looked up the sky and threw his arms in the air.

He shouted in his puerile voice---“Mamma see twinkle twinkle stars.” The sky was full of twinkling stars.

Abhi looked at me and said---“So Mrs. Talukdar, happy to be in our peaceful heaven?”

I took a deep breath and filled my lungs with the fresh air of hills and greens. Although it was pitch black around us but we knew that we were in the midst of heavenly wilderness. I could hear the river rustling over the stones, singing on its way to meet the ocean.

My Angel was frolicking like a sparrow on a paddy field as if he has all he wanted in his life. We both smiled on beholding his happiness.

He called out---“Dyada where is askeem mountain?” Abhi took him on his lap and said---“Askeem mountain will come in view as the morning comes. We have to sleep as of now.”

He nodded his head in anger---“I will not sleep till I see askeem mountain.”

Somehow, he was persuaded him that in night, there were dangerous people who have stolen the askeem mountain from its place; they would return his askeem mountain as when the sunrays would fall on them. He was happy to know that sunrays would kill those bad people and return his askeem mountain. We both laughed on his juvenile queries and concerns.



After dinner, I lay on bed, trying hard to put my angel in sleep. The naughty fawn of ours was busy in his mischievous antics. The weather outside was not so cold so I was in a flimsy nightdress. I looked at him; he was looking outside the window.

I looked at my angel; his eyes were becoming dim with tiredness. I cuddled him to give him the warmth of my bosom so that he can sleep in the warmth of his mother. He looked at me and before closing his eyes he asked me---“Mamma askeem mountain?”

He heard his words said---“askeem mountain is just beyond this window. In the morning you will be the first to see the askeem mountain as the devils keep it there.”

---“Promise?”

---“Promise.”

I looked at Abhi; his strong embrace once made me mad and brought me to this heaven. I felt melting once again as he looked at me with his squint eyes as if saying “Are you ready baby?”

He sat on the edge of the bed and traced my left foot with his index finger. A turbulence gathered on my bosom and my left calve melted. The sweet tingle left all my pores of my calf to unfurl.

I whispered in husky tone---“He has not slept yet and you devil…”

He kept on rubbing my calf gently under the dress. His hot touch made my skin warm as if someone poured amber on my creamy skin. I hissed out again---“What are you doing, stop?” His amorous gaze pierced my eyes and I felt jelly inside my heart. He stooped down slowly, blew hot breath on my feet and kissed my toe softly.

I died on that spot and kicked him on his broad muscular chest---“Go away now.” He walked toward the window, half-heartedly shaking his head and smiling at me.

He kept me writhing on the bed beside my angel. My angel already slept holding my gown in his tiny clutch. I somehow, freed myself slowly from his clutch so as not to wake him up.

Abhi was standing by the window looking deep into the dark night towards the silhouette of the mountain. I walked near him and wrapped my soft slender arms around his strong torso. He held my hands tightly across his chest and bends his head back to meet my cheek with his lips.

He whispered in my ears---“Missed you lot in all these years.”

I clawed on his left chest over his heart and said---“I was here always, that’s why I came back.”

He turned towards me, took my face between my palms and looked deeply in my eyes. My eyes were also glistening with love as were his. My lips quivered, I cooed out---“For once I thought that I was lost in oblivion forever. I thought that I would never be able to meet you in my life.”



I closed my eyes when I sensed that his face was too near to me. He placed his lips on my forehead and kissed softly. I took a deep breath to fill my lungs with his musky odour of sweat and heat. I missed this odour for a long time. I took few deep breaths, my bosom heaved across his strong muscular chest. I could feel my bosom catching fire as I pulled him more into me. He started to trace his tongue tip on my brows and I went meek in his arms. I parted my lips and it quivered like wanton petals wanting to be chewed.

I felt his lips crushed on mine, sucking all my breath out of my mouth. His hands roamed on my back, traced my spine sending spasms all over my body. I clawed my fingers in his hair and frantically gnawed his scalp as if to tear apart all his hair from his head. He kept on mauling my lips, we were unable to quench our thirst of decade long separation. Emotions flowed from my eyes as I felt his finger on the back of head, tracing all his fingers over my scalp.

He left my lips after sometime, I was breathing heavily unable to open my eyes. I could feel that my bosom was pulsating with huge waves. He placed his arms around me under my back and pulled me up in the air on his lap. I opened my glistening eyes and placed my hand on his shoulder to support me. He rubbed his face, nose, lips over my soft bosom over the flimsy fabric. The friction was too much for me. I had goose bumps all over my skin. I felt very secure in his strong embrace. I felt that no one in this world could make us apart. The attractive force was overwhelming. My hair danced down on his face. He looked at me amorously and smelled the fragrance of my hair. My lips were parted and I looked in his eyes---“What are you looking at?”

He whispered---“My fairy of dreams.”



He sat on the chair and made me sat on his lap. I perched my legs on both sides of his thighs and wrapped my arms around his neck. I pulled his face on my wanton bosom, which voraciously wanted to be mauled by my stud. He did not keep himself away for long to devour my nectar. His hands came down on my narrow waist pulled up the fabric and exposed me in the dim light of the room. The cold hair felt awesome on my hot skin. His fingers dug deep all over my soft flesh, kneading them as his will. I felt him pulsating under my wanton pressure. He kept for playing with my svelte figurine until I was insane in lust and desired him to through me in the inferno of passion.

He kept on chewing the soft flesh of my bosom until my creamy dough has turned red. I had my eyes closed and head thrown back as he kept on chewing the peak of my mounds. I was feeling jelly and sweaty all over my body. I was thumping myself hard on his lap like an insane animal wanting for solace in the arms of her beloved.

He pulled me up a bit from his lap and then slowly placed me again on his lap. I hissed out---“I am dying.” All my emotions flowed in forms of tears as we met each other in a heavenly bliss. We wade slowly into the river of love, flooding each other soul to the brim. He kept on churning me, burning me all over my loins and soul. He kept on throwing me repeatedly in the deep gorge of passion. We played and frolicked for the entire night until we drop dead with our mingled honey.

He scooped me on his lap, lay me down on the bed and cuddled me with all his strength. I wanted the time to stop so that he could love me for eternity.



Continued.....

______________________________

And so is Life......





“(In a scolding voice) Are you coming to bed or not?”

“Just ten minutes, Paree. This is a very good movie.”

“You and your movies will never end. You are a pain, a real pain.”

“Oh! Come on now don’t start in the middle of the night.”

“Who starts? It is you who instigate me. Tell me one instance when I started.”

“Ok, baba it is my entire fault, now will you keep quiet.”

“You have a list of things to do tomorrow.”

“Yeah I know”

“No, you don’t. You always forget.”

“No I don’t forget. I do everything.”

“Ok, tell me have you deposited the cheque in ChotoMa’s account?”

“Oh! Damn I forgot that. I am sorry Paree, please forgive. I will deposit that tomorrow.”

“See, I who was wrong and you tell me that I start?”

“Ok ok, I will surely deposit that cheque tomorrow.”

“There are other things to do tomorrow.”

“Now what?”

“First thing in the morning is that you have to take the car to the servicing centre, then goto deposit the electric bill and then ….”

“What electric bill? I thought you have already paid for that.”

“(in a high pitch voice) Do I have to pay all the bills? Don’t you have any responsibility of the house? What do you do?”

“Oh! Now don’t shout like that. What else?”

“What else? Telephone bill is also pending. Do you know that it is pending for three months now? The will disconnect the connection next month if you don’t pay.”

“Ok, I will go. Now will you let me finish this movie?”

“You and your movies. You will never get tired of watching the same movies a thousand times.”

“Oh! Paree this is a lovely movie, now don’t disturb.”

“Oh! Now you find me disturbing element.”

“I did not mean that, dear.”

“Then what, can you tell me what you did last weekend?”

“What?”

“Last weekend, you lay down in this couch for whole two days watching movies only. And same thing is happening with our son.”

“Oh I get tired of working the whole week so I take rest.”

“Can you tell me when I take rest?”

“Why, you stay at home for the whole day. You have rest for the whole day, dear.”

“Ok, Abhi. I am not going to cook tomorrow. I want an off day from kitchen, tomorrow.”

“Why do you have to nag every time? I said that I will complete those tomorrow, ok. Now peace.”

“Peace? Huh, I will get peace which is a distant dream.”

“Do you listen to what I say?”

“What you have asked me and I have not listened. Tell me one point, Abhi I will rub my nose on the floor.”

“I have been asking you to consult the doctor regarding your spine ache. Have you considered that yet?”

“I will not consult the doctor till you kick smoking.”

“Oh now don’t come to my smoking.”

“I sometimes think that you don’t love me at all. If you had then you would have kicked smoking. You promised me ten years ago and then…”

“Then what?”

“Then what? At that point of time just to impress me you kicked the butt for few months and then you started again.”

“That is the only thing I have.”

“Ok so you mean to say that cigarette is more close to you than me?”

“Now don’t change the subject. You started with the bills.”

“The main point is that you don’t love me anymore. See, I can give you a thousand of instances.”

“I don’t want to hear those, now enough.”

“What enough? I am not finished yet.”

“Ok continue then. But close the door behind you and then you can continue.”

“I feel like banging my head on the wall. I don’t want to nag if you had remembered everything I told to you.”

“Now what else I have forgot.”

“You forget everything. How many times you have called ChotoMa in past two months? Tell me. When Maithili calls, for how many times you have answered their call?”

“Oh! Now what should I talk to them?”

“That also I have to tell you what you have to say to them?”

“Those queries are universal like how are you, what are you doing. I don’t feel like talking.”

“OK, be with your TV. Sometimes I feel that I should take an iron rod and bang on that TV and then bang on your head.”

“You already banged my head ten years ago.”

“That was the biggest mistake in my entire life I had. (Laughing sweetly) but that was a sweet mistake although. Now come to bed will you? It is already midnight.”

And this is how Mr. Abhimanyu Talukdar and Mrs. Suchismita Talukdar loved each other.



Genesis of their Life.

______________________________



======THE END======
 

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