Adultery DIDI ki dushman aur dost Aab meri patniyan

[Monkey D. Dragon]

Introduction

Rajeev Singh (50) -Ek government office me clerk hain,bahut acche insaan he apni parivar se bahut pyar karte he...

Komal Singh(48) -Mummy ek housewife hain ,bahut sundar aur dharmik kisam ki aurat he.. inki do santan he ek beta aur beti


Veer singh (21)- (Hero) story ka hero bahut accha ladka apni parivar se bahut pyar karta he ,khas karke apni didi ko,abhi college ki final year me padhai kar raha he

Meera Singh(25)- 1st Heroine,hero ki badi behen,apni bhai se bahut pyar karti he aabhi ek private school me teacher he..



Roopa Thakur (singh)age-25- ye meri pehli patni he , story ki dusri heroine ye didi ki best friend thi....ye ek doctor he nautre thode gussewali

Riya Sharma Singh (age-25)-Meri dusri patni,didi ki sabse badi dushman thi ye,bade Ghar ki bigdi hui ladki he iska ek chota sa company he...

Geeta Singh(age-22)- meri Teesri patni aur sabse achi nature ki he,meri didi k school me teacher thi uske sath

Congrats for your story
Story concept and plot seems good and interesting
Hope it doesn't turn into adultery later like sharing his own sister or mom with someone else .
Incest is but cockhold story sucks
Best of luck buddy

 

[Monkey D. Dragon]

UPDATE -1

Humlog ek chote seher me rehte the hamari chote ghar me...jisme sirf char room tha...

Ek me maa aur papa sote the ,ek me khud me sota tha joki thoda bada tha sab room se,aur ek room me didi soti thi aur ek room guest room tha.....

Papa ki job aur didi ki naukri ki wajah se hum log ache se zindagi guzar rahe the....


Didi ki shadi k liye bahut rista ati rehti but didi sabko mana kar diya karti thi lekin wajah nehni bata deti thi...
Yeshe he ek din didi ki best friend roopa ki shadi thi didi ne maa ko bola jane k liye
Didi-Maa mujhe meri dost roopa ki shadi me Jana he...
Maa-akeli itni dur kese jayegi,nehni jaa
Didi-chotu ko sath le jata hnu...phir koi tension nehni he naa
Maa-Thik he lekin jald laut ana ..

Phir hum dono nikal gaye Rampur roopa ki gaon train me....hum log agle din subha wahan pahunche....jis Deen mangni ki rasam thi....
Roopa ne humko dekh kar.
Roopa-agaye chote chua aur billi itni der kun
Didi-Are mummy ne permission de nahni rahi thi,bahut muskil se chotu ki wajah se permission Mila....
Roopa-Thanks chota chuha
ME- are me bhi ghar me bore ho jata didi k bina iss liye agaya ..mujhe chota chuha mat bulao me bada ho gaya hnu
Roopa-wo to dikh raha he lekin dimag Tera chota he abhi,jao tum dono dress change karlo


Phir dono nahakr dress change kar liye..
Aaj pheli baar roopa mujhe bahut sundar lagi thi lekin wo meri didi ki dost thi iss liye use kuch bol nehni paya
Wese bhi wo thode gusse wali thi...









Roopa

Din guzar jata hai raat ko thoda dance hota hai...sab log enjoy karte hain ..me wahan aye sab guest logon ko khana serve Kiya ,jiski jo cheez ki jarurat thi me de raha tha....

Tabhi dekh kar roopa didi ki maa mere pass ake beta veer tum khud khalo tum bhi guest ho yahan....
Veer-Maa ji me baad me khaunga

Ramya Thakur(51)-Roopa ki maa meri hone wali saas,nek dil aur ache swabhav ki aurat....
Jayram Thakur (53)- roopa ki pitaji meri hone wala sasur ,sache insan ,sabki madat karte hain kisike sath bura nehni hone dete...

Sab guest so Gaye uske bad didi aur Roopa bat kar rahe the...
Didi-Are itni jaldi shaddi kese Tay ho gayi.love mairrrage ya arrange
Roopa- Are mujhe iss liye shadi karna padh raha he taki ek purani dushmani khatam ho chuke , details me sari purani story bata deti he...

Didi-ye shadi tujhe nehni karna chahiye,warna tujhe future me pareshan karenge
Roopa-papa bole agar hum log puri area me Shanti laa shakte hai to balidaan dena koi galat nehni...

Didi-chodo tu bhi thakurain he , doctor he asgar pareshan kiye to injection de dena unko kute wala...
Roopa- jaa so Jaa kal jald uthna bhi he ..



Phir agle subha sab log uthkar apni kaam me lag gaye.....har taraf khusi ka mahol tha kunki ghar me shadi tha ..

Lekin dulhe ki yahan planning ho rahi thi kese bhi karke shaddi naa ho aur jayram Thakur ki badnami ho...

Villian intro
Raghav thakur(57)-Jayram ki dushman,bahut he ghatiya insaan logon ko pareshan karna,gaye kanuni kaam karna ish ki rozka karya he

Harish Thakur (30) -Ragav ki beta,hone wala dulha ,baap ki sare gun iski pass he ...

Mala Thakur(54)-Raghav ki patni ye acchi nature ki he lekin pati k samne kuch bol nehni Shakti

Chalte hain story me
Raghav -Harish hum log shaddi me nehni jayenge jiske chalte shaddi ho nehni payegaa,aur jayram kisi se mnu nehni dikha payega...
Harish-Haan papa sahi he,agar hum log nehni gaye to uska shaddi kabhi nehni ho payega aur kisika itna sahas bhi nehni he wo use shaddi kar sake
Raghav -itna jaldi unko dulhaan kahan se milegaa ha ha ha aab Tera ghamand chur chur hoga jayram

Yahan roopa ki ghar me sari preparation khatam ho chuki thi sabko dulha aur batiyon ka intezar tha....samay guzarta gaya
Tab ek admi ne aake bataya thakur sahab ko ki ye unka chal he wo log shaddi k liye nehni ayenge phir sari plan sunaya....
Ye sab sunke thakur sahab to dhadam se gir gaye aur unki patni ki to rulayi chhut gayi...

Roopa--aapko mana kar rahi thi lekin aap nehni Mane,aab me zindagi bhar iss tarah reh jaunga ya phir suicide kar lungi abhi k abhi...

Jayram Thakur -Me bhi thakur hnu aaj he teri shadi hogi me uss raghav ko apni aukat dekha dunga...

Mala Thakur -Lekin dulha milegaa kahan aab koi razzi nehni hoga iss halat me

Didi to roopa ko samjhe me lagi thi lekin wo to gusse me sabko gali dene lagi thi...

Jayram Thakur ki nazar dulha dhud rahi thi tabhi usne mujhe dekha kya socha malum nehni lekin muskura diya...

Jayram-Dulha mil gaya ,mala pandit ji hawan ki tayari karo..

Sab- kahan he dulha?
Jayram-Ye ladka veer he dulha banegaa

Roopa-Ye chuha ko me shadi nehni karunga,ye mere se chota he aur meri dost ka bhai he

Jayram- Tera to bhai nehni he naa ,veer tujhe koi problem to nahni

Me kya bolu dil khus tha roopa jesi sundar ladki mil rahi thi,lekin wo kya sochegi agar me haan kar du to uska daar tha mujhe....

Me-Uncle me kya bolu ,mujhe abhi shadi nahi karna
Mala-Beta me tumhari pao padti hnu tum maan jao warna me jinda nehni rahungi...

ME- Didi se,bolo didi me kya karu,didi nehni cha rahi thi me roopa se shaadi karu kun malum nehni tha lekin wo situation dekh kar haan kar diya....

Roopa- tu razzi ho gaya cuhe
Mala-chup kar tu humko uss raghav ko sabak bhi shikhana he ..




Roopa in wedding dress


Roopa bhi situation k hissab se razzi ho gayi veer ko dulhe ki roop me sazaya gaya phir sat phero k sath dono ki shaddi complete hua



Veer and Roopa

Pandit ji - sab bado ki aishrwad lo
Veer aur Roopa sab badon ki aishrwad lete hain
Didi-meri bhi lo me badi hoon
Roopa-Chup kar billi
Mala-Teri badi nanad he izat se baat kar purani rista badal gaya he

Me to bahut khus tha ki roopa jesi sundar biwi milli mujhe lekin kisiko ye mehsus hone nehni diya



Phir bidayi k time agaya ...
Puri security k sath hum tino ko car k jariye hamare ghar rabana kar diya gaya ....
Security iss liye thi kunki raghav thakur koi problem naa khada karde...

Car me mujhe age ki seat me baitha diya aur Roopa aur didi piche ki seat me baitha the
Raat ki wajah se me so gaya tha....

Roopa-ashu kun chupa Rahi hai
Didi-kya karti aur ,wo mera aab nehni ho shakta
Roopa- me bhi to phas gayi,ise shadi karke,chota he abhi,chill baby I can share...

Didi-ye samaj kya kahega,iss rishta se hum log ki badnaami hogi
Roopa-Abhi chup reh hum ghar pahunch kar baat karte hain.....
Phir jab meri ankh khuli to me ghar k samne tha...
Didi ne door knock kiya to maa ne door open Kiya hum teeno ko dekh kar....
Ye kya kiya hai tune
Abhi k liye itna he

Well acc to first update its good
Some spelling mistake and short dialogue. Hope it will improve time to time in future.
Hero seems like an idiot , he needs to be more mature as main character.
Keep it up

 

[Monkey D. Dragon]

Update -2.

Jab maa ne mujhe dulhe ki dress aur ek ladki ko dulhan ki dress me
Maa- ye kya he beta ,tum to roopa ki shadi me gaye the phir kisko leke agaye ,aur mujhe Bina puche tu shadi kar liya ..

Roopa apni ghunghat uthake
Roopa-mausi ji me roopa hnu aapki pari...
Maa- are beti tu iss dress me hamare Ghar me
Roopa-aab me aapki Bahu bangayi hnu...

Maa-ye kya bol rahi he ,tujhe aur koi nehni mila iss mandbhudhi se shadi kar liya,aur hamare iss garib ghar me tu kese adjust karegi...

Roopa-Ek problem ho gayi thi maa ji warna iss chuhe se kon shaddi karta ,aap garib kahan aapki Bahu to doctor he..phir roopa ne shadi me hui problem sabko batati he...

Maa-jo bhi ho tune sahi kiya ,wo thakur bahut ghatiya insaan he
Roopa-me nehni chodunga use .

Me -Usko me bhi nehni chodunga,mujh jese bechare ko phasa diya
Didi- chal chod wo sab ,maa Ghar me entry ki tayari karo,mujhe mera treat chahiye roopa

Roopa- wo to samay ane par de dunga abhi nehni,didi roopa ki baat samajh jati he ..

Tabhi papa bhi ate hain humko dekh kar ascharya hote hain...roopa jaa kar unka pair chuta he...
Papa-Beti iss ghade ki gale me tu kese barmala dala diya....

Phir didi papa ko bhi sari story details me bata deti he...
Papa- jo bhi ho tune sahi kiya warna parivar bikhar jata,veer tu uss kamine thakur ko chodna nehni usko accha sabak sikhana
Veer-Haan pitaji usko me nehni chodunga...

Maa- cholo ghar me cholo baki baat raat ko karenge...
Phir hum dono ki ghiryapravesh hua..


Me apni room me jaate he bed me late gaya...kunki bahut tired ho gaya tha...
Roopa didi ki room me chali gayi rest lene

Mera Maan bahut khus tha kunki mujhe bahut sundar biwi mili roopa ki roop me...
Use dekh kar mera dil to garden garden ho gaya tha but daar tha use kunki wo bahut guesswali thi.....

Roopa- meri billo rani dhuki maat ho me teri dukh samajhti hoon kisiko permi ko agar best friend chin le to kesa lagta he...

Didi- dukh to he,lekin kya samaj hamara rista ko manegaa,kya veer mera pyar ko samjhegaa, chal chod meri baat kal hogi teri suhaagraat

Roopa- are uss k sath suhaag raat,wo abhi chota he use pehle ek kabil insan banna hoga baki honeymoon bad me...

Didi -Are wo bahut achha he ,sabko respect karta he khas karke ladki ka...
Roopa- Tu to apni bhai support me bolegi...wese to room to uske sath he share karna he...

Didi-aab wo pati he Tera thoda respect de diya kar kamini... Phir Haas deti he...

Roopa ki Gaanv

Raghav thakur ko jab pata chala ki roopa ki shaddi ho gayi he uska plan fail ho gaya he uska matha garam ho gaya...

Harish-Papa aab to jayram hamara jeena haram kar dega...
Raghav- kuch din underground ho jate hain ya phir dusri seher chale jate hain
Harish-Lekin kiska itna sahas jo uss nakchadi se shaddi kiya
Rhaghav-use to hum baad me dekh lenge...



Meri ghar me Saab log khus the shadi ki wajah se shaam ko sab log baith kar baat karne lage the...
Maa-Roopa beti tujhe aaj se veer k room me Sona he .
Roopa-me vini k sath soungi
Maa- wo baat alag thi abhi ki baat alag he samjhi...

Roopa-Thik he mausi ji....sorry maa ji
Didi-Are tu medical kese jayegi Teri car to wahan reh gayi ..
Roopa-Papa ko call karti hun ,kal papa,maa car k sath ayenge yahan..
Veer- maa me thoda ghumne jaa raha hnu

Tabhi Roopa veer ko thodi guess me ghur k dekhti he jise veer ko thodi daar lagta he...
Veer- maa me chat pe jaa raha hnu...
Veer ki maa ye sab dekh kar muskura deti he....

Phir sab log raat ki dinner karke apne apne room chale jate hain....

Papa aur maa apni room me......
Papa-Hamara beta ka kya hoga tumko yaad he naa uski shaddi ko leke kya bole the pandit ji...

Maa-Haan yaad he ,usko leke bahut chinta he ek patni to chalta he 4 biwiyon ko kese sambhalegaa ...

Papa-haan aur ek baat jo cahuthi patni banegi wo koi apni hogi...

Maa- Haan wo baat yaad karti hnu to kabhi kabhi vini aur veer ko dekh kar mujhe daar lagta he kese wo dono ki beech pyar he...

Papa- chodo Jo bhi hoga bhalai k liye hoga tum so jao....


Veer ki room me
Veer aur Roopa ek he bed pe so jate hain lekin roopa ko nind atjati he lekin veer ko nind nehni ata wo to sirf roop ko ghure jaa raha tha,usko shahas nehni tha ki wo kuch kar sake.....

Raat ki do baje jab roopa ki nind tooti he to wo veer ki situation ko dekh kar muskurati he...aur veer ko pani mangti he...
Roopa-ja mere liye Pani lekar aa
Veer- Thodi respect to dedo pati hnu tumhari...
Roopa-ok aap jaiye aur pani layiye
Veer-jata hoon...
Roopa veer ki jate he muskurati he.....aur veer jab Pani lakar deta he to Pani pike so jati he....


Next update Sunday ko ,I am a new writer so suggestions de sakte ho...

If wives of veer are leading character then uts going perfect. Some brief in dialogue will be good. Otherwise veer have to be grow up as man and mature as well. It will be possible with a shock or Tragedy. Roopa's character perfect for that. Villain are fool as well. If roopa was in their hand then they could have done much worse . Lets see how they will strike

 

[Monkey D. Dragon]

UPDATE -3

Shadi k ek din baad mere sasural Wale yaa kahun to roopa k maa aur pita ji hamare ghar aye ... Kuch furniture aur jwellery laye the sath me ...

Meri saas- veer beta agar tum razzi nehni hote to aab tak hum dono Zinda nehni hota

Veer- ye to mera farz tha,me apno ki dukh bardasht nahi kar sakta...lekin un dono kamino ko chodna mat...

Sasur- wo dono gaon chod kar bhag gaye hain,milte he dono ko maza chakhaya jayegaa....

Saas- roopa beti jada gussa mat hona kisipe apni gussa ko kabu karna sikho...

Maa-samdhan ji meri Bahu to bahut achi he...bilkul shant samdhan ji aap se ek bahut jaruri baat thi lekin kese batau dar lag raha he...

Saas- aap batao bejhijak daarne ka nehni he

Phir maa wahan se sabko jane ko bolti he aur veer ki 4 shadi wali kissa meri saas ko bata deti he...

Saas- kya sach me yesha he veer ki bhagya me...
Maa- aap gussa to nehni ho naa samdhan ji...
Saas- gussa nehni thodi pareshan hnu veer meri beti ko kese pyar dega agar 4 patniyan hue to...mujhe unse baat karna hoga...

Phir saas ne sasur ko bataya wo sab
Sasur-ye badi gambhir baat he lekin sach to jarur hoga warna samdhan ji jhut ku bolenge...veer bahut he accha ladka he wo sab sambhal lega. ...

Sasur-samdhan ji humlog dahej me kuch nehni de paye hum aapko ek ghar gift me dena chate hain ...
Maaa-ghar he hamara,phir dahej lena paap hota he...
Sasur-ye koi dahej nehni hamari jamai ko tofa he hamara....beti roopa kahan ho...

Roopa- ji pita ji boliye
Sasur-ek achi se bunglow kharid wahan sare saman transfer karwa dena ...

Roopa- ok dad ho jayegaa ..
Saas-veer mere bete ka khayal rakhna
Veer-wo meri patni he me uska pura khayal rakhunga
Tabhi wo jab roopa ko dekhta he to woo usko khajane nazron se dekh rahi he...
Didi bhi ye sab dekh kar bahut muskurati he...


Phir wo log hamare ghar khana khaye aur sabko bye bolkar apne ghar rawana ho gaye....


Roopa- maa ji hum log shift ho jayenge.sasur ji ko manana aapki jimendari...
Maa - haan beti unko mana lunga...

Roopa-maa aaj me khana banati hoon
Maa-nehni beti khana to me banaungi tu kun pareshan ho rahi he...

Didi-ek test ho jaye doctor ki hath ki khane ka..
Veer- haan mujhe bhi khana he apni biwi ki hath ki khana

Maa- bahu pareshan mat karo,aur beti aaj school kun nehni gayi...
Didi- maa 2 din tak school function he to school jaungi sham ko
Veer- wow didi me bhi chalu kya sath me...dance dekhunga...
Didi-Thik he chalna..
Phir maa kitchen me chali gayi aur didi apni room me... Hum dono apne room me agaye.

Roopa-didi ki school kuyn jaoge,ladki tadne
Veer-are ye kya baat Hui,mujhe dance dekhna acha lagta he iss liye. ..
Roopa- padhai karo. .dance dekhna bhul jao . .
Veer kya bolta sirf haan me sar hilaya roopa maan he maan muskura rahi thi ...


Kuch samay baad
Didi aur Roopa dono chaat me baat kar rahi thi..

Roopa- mujhe veer k samne bahut akward lag rahi he...
Didi- aab tu uska biwi he akwardness kesi ..
Roopa- me purani rista bhulaye nehni bhul paa rahi hoon...

Didi- thodi time lagega ho jayega
Roopa - tu khud he apni pyar ki izhar to nehni kar payi mujhe Gyan de rahi he ....

Didi-hanara rista bhai behen ka he ye itna asan nehni he darling...

Roopa- me kuch help Karu kya...
Didi- nehni me khud dekh lungi...
Phir dono kuch idhar udhar ki bat kiye phir niche agaye...







Abhi k liye itna he....next update mega update hoga...next update kal evening ko

Need a bit improvement in dialogue. And hero's family, dont they have self respect? They offred a home and they are shifting huh
Its not like that they having home crisis.
Imo he can keep it as gift only for roopa

 

[Smith 15]

Update

 

[Hamza K]

Update?

 

[Monkey D. Dragon]

UPDATE -5
Subha jab meri nind khuli to roopa naha k aachuki thi...

Roopa- jao brush karo naha k college jao 5 din se nehni gaye ho....
ME- haan jaunga Aaj
Roopa- lekin yaad rahe college me sirf padhai karna koi dusri ladki se flirt mat karna

ME- jo hukum mere patni
Roopa- jald ana humko banglow bhi dekhne Jana he
Me-12 baje ayunga chalegaa naa...
Roopa-off course chalega...me abhi medical jaa rahi hnu duty join karna he aaj se

Phir me college,papa office aur Roopa medical nikal gayi...
Didi-Maa tune papa se baat Kiya naye Ghar ko leke...
Maa-are yaad nehni mujhe aaj raat ko baat karungi...
Didi-me yaad dila dungi...agar yaad nehni aya to...

Me college to chala gaya class me mera dhyan nehni tha...kabhi Geeta ki cute se chera samne ati to...kabhi roopa ki chera
Me bahut pareshan ho gaya tha....

Me sochne laga mujhe Geeta ki itni yaad kun ane lagi ye to sahi baat nehni he....
Phir Class khatam karke me ghar ko agaya..

ME- khane ko do bhuk lagi he...
Maa- me thoda busy hun dusri kaam me tu roopa ko bolde

ME- roopa ko pukara
Roopa-kya hua,
Me-are khana dedo bhukh lagi he...
Phir roopa kitchen uske liye aur mere liye khana leke ayi
ME- kab ayi tum medical se ..
Roopa-20 minutes pehle ..
Me- bunglow dekhne kab Jana he
Roopa- 2 baje chalte he,sath me tumhari didi ko bhi le jayenge....
Me- sahi kaha,didi ka Jana jaruri he...didi kahan he dikhai nehni de rahi...
Roopa- wo so gayi he..

Phir dono ne lunch Kiya ... Kuch der rest liya...phir me didi ko bulaya uski room me jake...

Me- didi ready ho jao ghar dekhne Jana he...

Didi- Thik he tum bahar jao me ready hoke ati hoon
Kuch der baad teeno ready hoke nikal gaye... bunglow dekhne








Ye bunglow hum logon ne select Kiya...teeno ko ye pasand ayi jisme 6 rooms thi extra rooms like kitchen aur drawing rooms do do thi...phir broker ne humko Ghar ki papers de diya kunki sasur ji pehle he payment kar diya tha...

Phir hum log Ghar laut aye....maa ko sari baat bataya wo bahut khoos hui...
Maa- roopa beti Teri ane se hamari taqdeer badal gayi..
Roopa-Nehni maa ji agar me yaa mera mata pita khoos hain to apki wajah se....

Phir kuch idhar udhar ki baat Hui phir didi boli jald ready ho jao humko nikalna bhi he aaj function jald khatam hogi..

Kuch der bad hum dono nikal gaye didi ki school...
Aaj mera nazar sirf Geeta ko dhund raha tha...me jab use dekha to uski nazdeek gaya..
Me- Geeta ji aaj baat nehni karoge gussa ho
Geeta- nehni nehni gussa kun honge
Me-Aao sath me baith kar dekhte hain dance
Geeta-Ek baat puchna hai aap se..
Me-haan pucho

Geeta,- kya aap such me shaddi,shuda ho?

Veer- yes abhi 5 Dina hua he?lekin aap ne kun pucha
Geeta-aapki didi ne kal bola mujhe believe nehni hua iss liye pucha..
Veer ko pata lag gaya Geeta ne kun pucha he...
Veer,-Geeta ji chodiye wo sab aap bas function enjoy kijiye...
Geeta -maan me dukh chupaye function enjoy kar rahi thi...kun ki wo kabhi veer ko paa nehni sakti...

Function khatam hua jab didi Geeta se mili to dono me jada bat nehni hua aur Geeta bye bolkar chali gayi auto me.

Didi -Tu kuch bola he isse??
Me-Nehni di,lekin wo meri shadi ke bare me puch rahi thi....

Didi matter samjh jati he...phir hum dono Ghar ki aur chal pade...


Ghar me...

Maa papa ko mana rahi thi new ghar me shift hone k liye...
Papa- kya ye sahi he,bahu k diye hue ghar me rehna mujhe ye sab acha nehni lagta

Maa- tum veer k bare me socho uski 4 biwiyan hongi itni Kam jagah aur room me kese rahenge...
Papa-Ye baat to tum ne sahi kaha,lekin kya roopa bahu razi hongi veer ki aur 3 shadiyan ho kunki koi bhi patni apni sautan nehni chata...

Maa- Haan ,lekin guruji ki baat kabhi jhut nehni hota me roopa ko samjhaunga,aap ne dekha he naa uske hath me 4 shadi ki Rekha he....
Papa- lekin roopa bahu manegi kya.itni badi ghar ki beti he ...

Maa-Aap sab bhagwan pe chod do sab acha hoga..aap razzi ho na naye Ghar k liye?
Papa-haan me razzi hoon...

In dono ki baat roopa ne sun liya ki veer ki 4 patniyan honge to usko bahut dukh hua lekin wo iss mamle me apni best friend Meera se baat karna chahti thi...

Me aur didi ghar aye aur apni apni room me chale gaye,me din bhar ghum k thak gaya tha sote he nind agyai...


Next update kal....

Story is going like fairy tale. It needs some realistic touch as its not magical or fairy tale.
Some mature touch up will be good, plot was good in this story. But if it goes like this then.... Good luck

 

[JATBABA]

UPDATE -1

Humlog ek chote seher me rehte the hamari chote ghar me...jisme sirf char room tha...

Ek me maa aur papa sote the ,ek me khud me sota tha joki thoda bada tha sab room se,aur ek room me didi soti thi aur ek room guest room tha.....

Papa ki job aur didi ki naukri ki wajah se hum log ache se zindagi guzar rahe the....


Didi ki shadi k liye bahut rista ati rehti but didi sabko mana kar diya karti thi lekin wajah nehni bata deti thi...
Yeshe he ek din didi ki best friend roopa ki shadi thi didi ne maa ko bola jane k liye
Didi-Maa mujhe meri dost roopa ki shadi me Jana he...
Maa-akeli itni dur kese jayegi,nehni jaa
Didi-chotu ko sath le jata hnu...phir koi tension nehni he naa
Maa-Thik he lekin jald laut ana ..

Phir hum dono nikal gaye Rampur roopa ki gaon train me....hum log agle din subha wahan pahunche....jis Deen mangni ki rasam thi....
Roopa ne humko dekh kar.
Roopa-agaye chote chua aur billi itni der kun
Didi-Are mummy ne permission de nahni rahi thi,bahut muskil se chotu ki wajah se permission Mila....
Roopa-Thanks chota chuha
ME- are me bhi ghar me bore ho jata didi k bina iss liye agaya ..mujhe chota chuha mat bulao me bada ho gaya hnu
Roopa-wo to dikh raha he lekin dimag Tera chota he abhi,jao tum dono dress change karlo


Phir dono nahakr dress change kar liye..
Aaj pheli baar roopa mujhe bahut sundar lagi thi lekin wo meri didi ki dost thi iss liye use kuch bol nehni paya
Wese bhi wo thode gusse wali thi...









Roopa

Din guzar jata hai raat ko thoda dance hota hai...sab log enjoy karte hain ..me wahan aye sab guest logon ko khana serve Kiya ,jiski jo cheez ki jarurat thi me de raha tha....

Tabhi dekh kar roopa didi ki maa mere pass ake beta veer tum khud khalo tum bhi guest ho yahan....
Veer-Maa ji me baad me khaunga

Ramya Thakur(51)-Roopa ki maa meri hone wali saas,nek dil aur ache swabhav ki aurat....
Jayram Thakur (53)- roopa ki pitaji meri hone wala sasur ,sache insan ,sabki madat karte hain kisike sath bura nehni hone dete...

Sab guest so Gaye uske bad didi aur Roopa bat kar rahe the...
Didi-Are itni jaldi shaddi kese Tay ho gayi.love mairrrage ya arrange
Roopa- Are mujhe iss liye shadi karna padh raha he taki ek purani dushmani khatam ho chuke , details me sari purani story bata deti he...

Didi-ye shadi tujhe nehni karna chahiye,warna tujhe future me pareshan karenge
Roopa-papa bole agar hum log puri area me Shanti laa shakte hai to balidaan dena koi galat nehni...

Didi-chodo tu bhi thakurain he , doctor he asgar pareshan kiye to injection de dena unko kute wala...
Roopa- jaa so Jaa kal jald uthna bhi he ..



Phir agle subha sab log uthkar apni kaam me lag gaye.....har taraf khusi ka mahol tha kunki ghar me shadi tha ..

Lekin dulhe ki yahan planning ho rahi thi kese bhi karke shaddi naa ho aur jayram Thakur ki badnami ho...

Villian intro
Raghav thakur(57)-Jayram ki dushman,bahut he ghatiya insaan logon ko pareshan karna,gaye kanuni kaam karna ish ki rozka karya he

Harish Thakur (30) -Ragav ki beta,hone wala dulha ,baap ki sare gun iski pass he ...

Mala Thakur(54)-Raghav ki patni ye acchi nature ki he lekin pati k samne kuch bol nehni Shakti

Chalte hain story me
Raghav -Harish hum log shaddi me nehni jayenge jiske chalte shaddi ho nehni payegaa,aur jayram kisi se mnu nehni dikha payega...
Harish-Haan papa sahi he,agar hum log nehni gaye to uska shaddi kabhi nehni ho payega aur kisika itna sahas bhi nehni he wo use shaddi kar sake
Raghav -itna jaldi unko dulhaan kahan se milegaa ha ha ha aab Tera ghamand chur chur hoga jayram

Yahan roopa ki ghar me sari preparation khatam ho chuki thi sabko dulha aur batiyon ka intezar tha....samay guzarta gaya
Tab ek admi ne aake bataya thakur sahab ko ki ye unka chal he wo log shaddi k liye nehni ayenge phir sari plan sunaya....
Ye sab sunke thakur sahab to dhadam se gir gaye aur unki patni ki to rulayi chhut gayi...

Roopa--aapko mana kar rahi thi lekin aap nehni Mane,aab me zindagi bhar iss tarah reh jaunga ya phir suicide kar lungi abhi k abhi...

Jayram Thakur -Me bhi thakur hnu aaj he teri shadi hogi me uss raghav ko apni aukat dekha dunga...

Mala Thakur -Lekin dulha milegaa kahan aab koi razzi nehni hoga iss halat me

Didi to roopa ko samjhe me lagi thi lekin wo to gusse me sabko gali dene lagi thi...

Jayram Thakur ki nazar dulha dhud rahi thi tabhi usne mujhe dekha kya socha malum nehni lekin muskura diya...

Jayram-Dulha mil gaya ,mala pandit ji hawan ki tayari karo..

Sab- kahan he dulha?
Jayram-Ye ladka veer he dulha banegaa

Roopa-Ye chuha ko me shadi nehni karunga,ye mere se chota he aur meri dost ka bhai he

Jayram- Tera to bhai nehni he naa ,veer tujhe koi problem to nahni

Me kya bolu dil khus tha roopa jesi sundar ladki mil rahi thi,lekin wo kya sochegi agar me haan kar du to uska daar tha mujhe....

Me-Uncle me kya bolu ,mujhe abhi shadi nahi karna
Mala-Beta me tumhari pao padti hnu tum maan jao warna me jinda nehni rahungi...

ME- Didi se,bolo didi me kya karu,didi nehni cha rahi thi me roopa se shaadi karu kun malum nehni tha lekin wo situation dekh kar haan kar diya....

Roopa- tu razzi ho gaya cuhe
Mala-chup kar tu humko uss raghav ko sabak bhi shikhana he ..




Roopa in wedding dress


Roopa bhi situation k hissab se razzi ho gayi veer ko dulhe ki roop me sazaya gaya phir sat phero k sath dono ki shaddi complete hua



Veer and Roopa

Pandit ji - sab bado ki aishrwad lo
Veer aur Roopa sab badon ki aishrwad lete hain
Didi-meri bhi lo me badi hoon
Roopa-Chup kar billi
Mala-Teri badi nanad he izat se baat kar purani rista badal gaya he

Me to bahut khus tha ki roopa jesi sundar biwi milli mujhe lekin kisiko ye mehsus hone nehni diya



Phir bidayi k time agaya ...
Puri security k sath hum tino ko car k jariye hamare ghar rabana kar diya gaya ....
Security iss liye thi kunki raghav thakur koi problem naa khada karde...

Car me mujhe age ki seat me baitha diya aur Roopa aur didi piche ki seat me baitha the
Raat ki wajah se me so gaya tha....

Roopa-ashu kun chupa Rahi hai
Didi-kya karti aur ,wo mera aab nehni ho shakta
Roopa- me bhi to phas gayi,ise shadi karke,chota he abhi,chill baby I can share...

Didi-ye samaj kya kahega,iss rishta se hum log ki badnaami hogi
Roopa-Abhi chup reh hum ghar pahunch kar baat karte hain.....
Phir jab meri ankh khuli to me ghar k samne tha...
Didi ne door knock kiya to maa ne door open Kiya hum teeno ko dekh kar....
Ye kya kiya hai tune
Abhi k liye itna he

Nice start bhai

 

[Smith 15]

Update please

 

[Nimesh bhanushali]

Please update de do