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Chapter 3: Cardinal Waves
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A new chapter of my life in a absolute unknown horizon was opened. I had to keep my pace according to my surroundings.
I told to myself on the first day “Love huh! Hard to find in this cruel world where everything is materialistic.” One thought that I was unable to come into terms that ChotoMa and Babu had bought my security by presenting a car in dowry.
Himadri was caring as all new husbands. I stayed very cold and calm in the first week after reception. He probably sensed that I was living in some fear and pain. He understood that due to some reason I was unable to open up. He did not delved into my privates till we were alone. He wanted all those fantasies to brew with understanding and love. My vacuum soul had some respite due to his soft rays of compassion.
On the first week of January, we went for our honeymoon.
ChotoMa and Babu came to airport to see-off.
On the plane Himadri asked me---“This is your first time on the plane?”
---“No, I have been to Delhi earlier.”
---“Ok. I thought this is first time. As you are looking very nervous.”
I smiled on myself “I was nervous due to the type of fantasies you are going to experiment.” My face became red and I looked the other way.
He rubbed his nose on my nape and whispered---“Your fragrance is making me insane, Suchi.”
Softly I placed my palm on his cheek and pushed away his face. I whispered---“Hey! This is plane. Don’t do like that here. Everyone is looking at us.”
He took my right palm and placed it on his cheek. I closed my eyes as my soft fingers got pressed on his raw cheek. He straightened up and whispered---“I am not cuddling any other’s wife? Am I?”
He smelled my fingers and I felt his warm breath on my fingers. All the pores of my left arm unfurled its petals.
I cooed out---“Himadri, please.”
“Ok honey.” He winked at me “The beach will catch fire….”
I could not hide my shy smile so I looked out of the window.
The resort was near to the airport, beside the famous Corbyns Cove beach. A cottage was booked for us.
We reached our resort by noon. The sunshine was very sweet. The weather was amorous, neither warm nor chilled. The winds were blowing from the sea. All the cottages were sea facing and it was east side.
I went near the huge glass window and pushed open the panes. I was wearing a blue chiffon saree and my long tress suddenly flew due to gush of wind that came from the sea. The waves were crushing on the seashore on the sparkling yellow sands. The white froths crushed on the shore and the swoosh sound made me weak. The amorous wind tried to unlock few moments but I kept myself contained and leaned over the window to devour the beauty of the sea and sand.
The beach was of “U” shape and on the northern corner a small island could be seen. Huge trees were all over the sides of the beach.
Suddenly I felt warm breath on my shoulder. I closed my eyes as Himadri placed his arms around my bare tummy and held me in his tight embrace. He gently nibbled the back of my head with his nose and took a deep breath. I held his hands tightly as I felt his nose tip on the back of my head. I tilted my head back as his nose grazed over my nape down to my bare shoulder.
Goosebumps awakened all over my neck. My face became warm by the friction of his strong fingers grazing and kneading my tummy. His teeth came near the broach on my blouse and he nibbled the round of my shoulder. His wanton bites made me jelly.
With a sudden thrust he turned me towards him and his lips crushed on mine. I placed my palms on his chest and felt that his chest was bare. His heartbeats thumped on my soft palm. His roughness made the depressed sullen fairy to unfurl unwillingly.
He scooped me and threw me roughly on the bed and came on me. Even before I could gather myself up, my dress was lying on the wooden floor. The moment he rushed in my domain, I bit my lower lips and closed my eyes. A tiny drop of liquid pearl drenched my eyelash.
A sweet and torrid way to love and that was Himadri. A strong rough coarse mountain under the soft white snow.
Himadri brought out a sky blue knee length sheer sleeveless frock. The moment I saw that sheer negligee on his hand, my face became red and turned my face away to hide my blush.
He came near me and asked---“I bought this for you. Don’t you like it?”
I nodded my head---“Yes it is beautiful.” I took that from his hand and went inside the bathroom. There was a lustful grin on his face as he observed my shyness smeared all over my face.
I came out after taking my bath in that dress that he presented. The cool breeze coming from the window drenched me in sweat of some unknown turbulence. Himadri changed himself to a Bermuda shorts and a sleeveless vest.
He came near me and took my face between his palms. He whispered in my ears---“You are looking gorgeous, Suchi.”
I looked pale as I heard him say those words. My eyes suddenly turned hazy.
He patted gently on my back and asked me “What happened Suchi? I am here.”
I wiped my tears and looked at him. I exhaled a deep gush out of my chest and smiled---“Nothing Himadri. I was just ….”
I could not even finish my sentence, he cut short that sentence with a deep kiss on my lips.
He broke his kiss after a long time. My whole figure was shaking as his fingers traced every contours of my curvaceous figure. I wrapped my arms around his neck.
He took my hand and asked me---“Lets us walk on the beach.”
I was taken aback by his suggestion. I screamed out---“WHAT? You want me to go out like this? No Himadri.”
He pleaded and pulled me by my hand---“Come On Suchi. We came here for our honeymoon.”
I got annoyed---“But that does not mean that I will go out in this sheer negligee, Himadri.”
He almost pulled me out on the balcony---“You beauty is simply irresistible. See out on the beach, who is there wearing full dress?”
I clenched my right fist. I was about to break in tears---“You know my nature Himadri.”
He clenched his jaws and gave a pleading look at my face. He let my hand go and walked silently in the room. After sometime he came out with a sarong and asked me to wrap around my waist.
“Now is that ok for you?” He smiled at me.
I nodded my head and smiled---“You won’t buzz from your nature.”
He made a naughty face and gestured me to walk along with him. Unwillingly at first, I stepped out. The cool breeze caressed my bare arms and my warm face. He put his left arm around my waist and pulled me towards him. The fine grains of sand felt awesome under my bare feet. At times the waves crushed near my feet. That was the first time I was on a sea beach. I looked around those tall coconut and palm trees.
We walked till the end of the beach. The sun went down on my left. The sky was painted with golden yellow and orange stokes of pastel paint. The breeze suddenly shook me. Himadri felt my turbulence and looked at me.
---“What happened?”
“Nothing….” I looked down and answered. The humid breeze brought some humid memoirs in my soul. I bit my lips hard to douse the memoirs.
He asked me to sit down on the beach and I obeyed him.
He looked at my cold face and asked---“You are very timid and shy in nature. Were you like this from the beginning?”
I nodded my head “Yes”
Only my heart knew “No, I was a vibrant girl. I was a puerile fairy of my unicorn. Oh! No what I was thinking. This is not done. I should not do this.”
He lied down on the beach on his back. I sat cowered with my knees folded and arms resting across my knees. My chin rested on my knees and I looked towards the infinite sea. The horizon looked very calm.
He spoke after a long time---“I am bit rough in nature. Is not it Suchi?”
I looked at his face trying to fathom as what does he want to say.
He turned towards me and said---“Most of the time I stay along with the workers and low class people. To tame them, they only understand the cane. They understand slang language. I had to use foul language always.”
He touched my bare right arm and traced my soft skin till my shoulder. It send a sweet tingle down my spine.
---“You know, I am very arrogant. I am very stern. I love myself a lot. I can’t take no for any answer. If any one denies me, then blood gushes in my brain.”
I exhaled a deep breath out of my chest and said---“I will try my best not to make you angry.”
He kissed the round of my right shoulder and whispered---“I know you will.”
“Women are like water, they take the shape of the tumbler in which it is poured.” I didn’t said those words to him, instead---“Himadri, change is evitable in this world. The only constant thing in this world is change.”
I smiled at him and said---“You are engineer and I am a physics student, so we both know about Quantum mechanics.”
He laughed out and patted my cheeks---“My darling. Can you think of something else other than physics?”
I constricted my nose---“If I say no, then?”
He suddenly pinned me down on the sand and came on me out in the open---“Then you know….”
I patted his cheek and whispered---“Let me go. Not in the open.”
He kissed me sweetly and stood up.
We walked towards the cottage, arms in arms. I pointed to the solitary island on the north side of the beach---“Will we visit that island?”
He looked back over his shoulder to the island and said---“If time permits.”
He then grinned at me and danced his brows. I understood the meaning and turned my face away to hide my coy face.
After sometime I asked him---“Himadri, you promised me that you will allow me to do a job.”
He stopped and looked at me---“Why do you want a job? There is no need of that.”
I turned my face away from him---“You promised me Himadri.”
“Suchi, my dad is very strict person. He won’t allow his daughter-in-law to go out and work.” he spoke calmly.
I looked over my shoulder so as to fathom as who was talking, was it Himadri or my father-in-law.
From his writhing pleading eyes, I understood that it was my father-in-law who was speaking.
I shook my head in dismay and bit my lower lips “My dream, my ambition is drowning beneath the horizon of the Bay-of-Bengal.”
I folded my arms across my chest and walked towards the cottage, leaving Himadri behind. He stood perplexed on the beach, alone and helpless. The evening was dark. I felt “How alone we are in this world.”
Before the dinner, he asked me---“What do you like for dinner? Seafood is ok for you?”
I gave a soft smile at him said---“I haven’t tasted sea-food. I am from village, you know that very well. I would like to have plain Indian food preferably Bengali ones are better.”
He didn’t wait for my sentence to finish, he picked up the phone and ordered for crab.
We sat on the balcony looking towards the sea.
He asked me---“I am really at my wits end that how can a beautiful lady be so calm and quiet.”
I smiled at him---“Why? What type of girl you liked?”
He joked---“I wanted a jovial lady in my life. Your eyes and your smile captured me.”
I laughed at him and said---“See I am laughing, now satisfied.”
He shook his head---“You are too much, Suchi.”
Again there was a silence between us.
“Suchi” he spoke up “I have a question?”
---“What?”
He took a deep breath---“Your ChotoMa has a son. He was not present at our wedding. Where is he?”
I closed my eyes and an impetuous chill ran through my frame.
I answered very calmly---“I don’t know.”
He was surprised by my answer---“You don’t know? How can that be? I asked your ChotoMa about Abhimanyu. They also didn’t give proper answer. Is he alright? I mean what happened to him?”
My chest trembled and a huge torrential wave brewed inside my heart. I clenched my jaws. In that low light probably he didn’t noticed my facial tension.
Somehow I restrained myself from breakdown and answered---“Last information I had, he was in New Delhi. I don’t know anything more than that.”
---“You two must be very close. What type of person he would be that he didn’t attend our wedding? I asked your younger sister-in-law, Maithili also. She also averted my query.”
Lighting flashed in my head “We are not very close. We are two bodies one soul. My heart used to pump in his chest and his still pumps in mine. You won’t understand. I don’t know where he is. My fate, his fate and the cruel world brought me on your lap.”
Instead I queried him---“Why are you asking me these? You could have asked ChotoMa.”
Just then there was a knock on the door.
He got up and I felt relieved. A huge boulder just got off my chest. I was on the verge of break down and the room service was my savior. I wiped my eyes and gathered myself up from the balcony. The room service served the dinner.
I looked at the red Australian crab on the white china plate. As it was looking at me.
I smiled at Himadri and asked him---“How to break this and eat?”
He laughed at me and said---“Wait. There are pliers and stick.”
I made an annoying face by twitching my lips---“Eeeeeee….. we have to poke inside that crab?”
He laughed at me---“Yes dear.”
He broke the shell and the smell of the crab flesh made me dizzy. I felt a lump pushing in my throat.
He looked at me and asked---“What happened?”
I somehow controlled myself so as not to bother him---“Nothing. I am ok.”
He mixed some red wine and scooped with spoon and placed near my lips. He signed me to take that.
The odour of the crab and mixed with wine made me feel dizzy. I felt strange sensation in my head. In spite of all those, I took the food from the spoon. As it went in my throat, my whole body shook.
I somehow finished the dinner. He asked me all the time as how was the food. I nodded my head to express that it was good. Last of all I could not control my uneasiness and went inside the restroom and vomited. Himadri got tensed as he found me vomiting. He rushed to the restroom and poured water on my face and head.
His voice was tensed---“Are you Ok? You could have told me that you don’t like crabs. I would not have ordered then.”
I looked at him and said---“You already placed the order before I finished my sentence.”
“Sorry Suchi.” He hugged me from behind and rubbed his nose on my nape.
My head was spinning, I was too weak and I was about to fall down. His strong arms around me deterred me from falling down. He scooped me in his arms and lifted me to the bed. He laid me down on the bed and covered me with the bed-cover.
He sat beside me and asked politely---“Feeling ok?”
I nodded my head “Yes.”
I closed my eyes and tried to take rest.
After sometime I opened my eyes and found him sitting outside the cottage on the balcony with a bottle of liquor. I felt itching sensation on my skin. In the low light of the night lamp, I looked at my arms and chest. Rashes were all over my arms and chest.
I slept alone on the huge bed.
First night of my honeymoon. I was alone with my void soul on the bed and my husband was in the balcony with his bottle.
I was down with fever for next two days and we could not go out of the resort. I saw the tension in his eyes. He was very much concerned about me. He was feeling depressed and was continuously blaming himself for my ill-health. However, I felt that I ruined our honeymoon.
I asked him---“Himadri, you are angry upon me due to my fever?”
He looked at my face and said---“No, I am not angry upon you. I am disappointed with myself.”
I came near him and touched his hand---“Don’t feel sad, Himadri. Out journey has just started. Several crest and troughs are waiting in front of us.”
He looked painfully at my face---“Sometimes, it is very hard to understand you, Suchi. Your bewitching beauty has several hidden tales. Most of the time, your eyes are expressionless and that look haunts me.”
I laughed at him and joked---“My expressionless eyes? Didn’t that captured you, Himadri?”
He scooped me up from the bed and carried me to the balcony. I sat on his lap, hugging his neck with my arms. He held me tightly around my waist. I forgot all the pains, my heart bore.
I looked out to the infinite horizon of the emerald green and blue coloured sea. The waves and the white froth crushing on the yellow ochre sandy beach.
His fingers were kneading my soft tummy gently over my gown. His touches gave a tingling sensation on my tummy. He rubbed his head and face on my cushy bosoms. I was not wearing any innerwear, so the friction heated my bosoms up and I cooed softly---“Himadri…..”
He looked at my squint eyes and asked me---“What?”
I moaned---“Not here, Himadri.”
He hugged me tightly and pressed his head on my cleavage. He was still for quite some time, he did not moved a muscle.
He looked up to me and said---“Do you believe that life is a cycle?”
I gave a queer look at him and asked---“What does this mean?”
---“I mean to say that, do you believe that past catches up in one’s life?”
“I have a bitter past with broken heart and bleeding soul. I don’t know what happened to him. I don’t know why he did this to me. I don’t know even that who I am.” My question was “Has he come to know about my past? What will be his reaction if he comes to know about my bleeding soul?” I could not make things out from the look on his face.
I asked---“Why are you telling this?”
He looked at the horizon of the sea and said in a low voice---“I had an old flame during my college years. She cited the reason of caste and creed and our relation snapped. I persuaded her a lot, that cast and creed won’t hamper our relation. But, she was not willing to come in terms.”
My soul writhed and I cursed myself. I smiled to myself “What a pair of broken hearts the heaven has made. Should I divulge my soul to him or not?” However, some unknown magnetic force restrained me from divulging my extinct flames. The only thing I could think that time that “He has kept the flame burning inside his soul. My flames doused with the pyre of my mother and my sacrament.”
I ruffled his hairs with my soft fingers and said to him---“I will make that up, Himadri.”
He looked at me, his lips touched mine. He cooed out---“Promise, Suchi.”
His face turned hazy, due to my brewing eyes.
I took his face between my palms---“Promise.”
“Yes, I made that promise. It was half-heartedly. Why it was halfheartedly? I don’t know the reason.”
Next day morning, it was fourth day of our trip. I felt better. I was still in the bed. My sleep was broken by a soft jingle. I looked with my sleepy eyes. I found Himadri’s smiling face in front of me. He was sounding the cup of tea with the spoon and cooed in my ears---“Come on sleepy damsel. Time to get up.”
I pulled myself up and looked at my chest. The upper part of my night-dress was much below as where it should be. I pulled the bed-sheet till my chest and looked at him. He touched my forehead and felt my temperature.
---“No fever. So how are you feeling?”
I stretched my arms overhead. His lewd gaze on my bosom made me writhe in bed. With my squint eyes I scolded him softly---“Don’t look at your sleeping beauty, like that.”
He stooped forward and whispered---“Am I looking to some other’s wife darling?”
I pushed his face by his forehead---“I have to freshen myself up.”
“Hmmmm…. Surely. So where do you want to go today?” He asked me.
I glanced over my shoulder as I entered the restroom---“How come I know? You have brought me here.”
---“Cellular jail is the main attraction on Port Blair. After breakfast we are going there.”
I dressed up in a beautiful chiffon pink sari and sleeveless blouse as to comply his request. My bun was resting on my nape. He asked me to put some flowers in my bun, which I obeyed. I finished my gracing before the dressing table. He looked at me in the reflection and came behind me. Put his arms around my waist and pressed his lips on my shoulder.
---“Do we have to go to Cellular jail, darling?”
I tightened his embrace around me. I felt somewhat secured. I cooed in his ears---“We have the whole night at our disposal Himadri.”
He loosened his grip and said---“Ok.”
We entered the premises of the famous “Cellular jail” of Port Blair. Without visiting this place, the Andaman trip would have been incomplete, I felt. There were only three blocks each of three stories of cells present. The guide explained us that, all other blocks were destroyed due to natural calamities. During the British rule, our Indian freedom fighters were locked up in these cells. Those cells were small and dingy with only a small window at the top. The guide took us to the cell where Savarkar was jailed. The gate was three fold.
I looked at Himadri and asked---“How he fled from this cell?”
Himadri looked at me and joked---“Push me by the cliff, I will goto him and ask.”
I started to beat him---“Don’t ever joke at me like that.”
We observed that there were few inmates also present. I asked the guide as why there were inmates in the jail, if it was closed one.
He explained that, those were castaway fishermen from Burma.
The guide then showed us the museum where the whips and other torture tools were in displayed. There was a clay statue of a man chained on a nailed wooden block. I looked at his painful face and then looked at Himadri.
He looked at me and understood that I was unable to stand those sightings. He hugged me closely we came out.
By the evening we were in our cottage. I changed myself to a simple salwar and walked alone on the sandy beach. I looked over my shoulder, Himadri was reclining in the chair on the balcony sipping his favourite drink.
I came back after an hour.
He said to me---“Your ChotoMa called.”
I shrugged my shoulder---“What’s new.” And I walked inside the cottage.
---“Not that. She was concerned about your health and she asked us to return.”
I was astonished and angry---“WHAT? She has asked us to return?”
---“Yes. What is your opinion, Suchi?”
I looked at his face and came near him---“What do you want to do?”
He handed me the phone and asked me to call ChotoMa.
I asked him again as what he wanted. He answered---“I don’t want to offend your ChotoMa. Since you are not pulling well so I think it will be better that we return tomorrow.”
I called up ChotoMa---“How are you and Babu?”
---“We are fine. But I heard that you had fever?”
---“Yeah, just like that. All new places and sea water.”
She sounded cold---“ShonaMa, don’t lie at least. Himadri told me that it was due to the crab. You had rashes. I am concerned about you. Come back.”
I shook my head---“ChotoMa, you are too much concerned.”
---“Yes. A little bit. Give the phone to Himadri.”
I handed him the phone. They talked for some time and then asked me to pack the bags.
Last night in the cottage of our honeymoon. Himadri tossed me over and over again on the ridge of soft love and passionate embrace as we melted ourselves. I stitched my torn soul to mend it with what was at my disposal. I apprehended that I had to contended myself with the snowflakes that I had.
I rested my head on his broad chest and he was gently scratching my scalp.
He spoke in a low voice---“Suchi...”
I whispered---“Yes”
---“I have another request to make.”
---“Hmmmm…”
---“I don’t want to start a family early.”
I pulled up and rested on my elbow and looked at his face---“Why?”
---“We have married just now. I don’t want to start a family so early, Suchi.”
I asked him---“What if your parents coaxes us to start?”
---“I don’t have the answer but you have to cite some reason.”
I closed my eyes and lay down on the pillow---“I don’t know Himadri. I am too feeble to stand against anyone. If you can manage then make your parents apprehend if they coax for grandchild. Anything that will come in future I will not turn my face away from that.”
Just then the mobile rang. It was near Himadri so he answered.
---“No we haven’t slept yet. How come you are awake at this time?”
I turned towards him and asked as who has called. It was midnight. He handed me the phone, it was Maithili.
She asked me---“How are you doing, Dear?”
At first I was skeptical as I didn’t have the correct answer as how I was.
I looked at his face as he was looking at me and answered---“I am doing fine.”
I heard her giggle on the other end. I wrapped the gown around my torso and walked to the balcony.
---“Why have you called at this time?”
She answered---“Just like that, Paree. I only wanted to know as how you are doing.”
I pressed the phone with all my strength to my ear and stammered out---“I….. Am…… Doing …… Fine…. Churni…… Good Night………”
Return flight back to Kolkata. I was very quiet all along the journey. The unnatural silence was pinching hard on both of us. He probably understood something. I looked out the window. The blue sky and blue ocean beneath. One could not demarcate as where one has ended and the other started. Himadri touched my shoulder to bring me back.
He asked me---“Something wrong? Why are you so calm and quiet?”
I smiled at him as I felt a pain in my soul. The pain was, as if I was again being caged from one ivory chamber to another---“Nothing…”
---“I know what you are thinking.”
I constricted my brows and asked him---“What?”
He let out a deep breath---“Don’t worry about the job. I have already spoken to the Director of a school. They were searching for a Physics teacher. Indian School Of Learning. The school is situated in the ISM campus.”
I could not control my feelings, my eyes brewed and my lips quivered. I gave a grateful look at him. He took my face between his palms and with is thumbs, wiped the rolling tears from my cheeks.
He whispered---“I will persuade mom and dad.”
I felt like hugging him with all my strength but I restrained as we were in an airplane.
ChotoMa was there at the airport to greet us. I was surprised to see Niladri to be present to greet us. I ran towards ChotoMa and hugged her tightly. She kissed my head. I smiled at Niladri and exchanged courtesy pleasantries.
Himadri asked Niladri as how come he was there? He answered that my ChotoMa informed my in-laws about my ill-health so my father-in-law send him to take us back.
We all were in the drawing room after dinner. ChotoMa was asking about our trip. Himadri looked at the painting of “Death of Socrates” that Abhimanyu painted and that graced the wall of the drawing room. I looked at the painting and devoured the creativity for some time.
Himadri asked ChotoMa---“Abhimanyu did not attend our wedding?”
ChotoMa looked at me. I feigned that I had not heard as what they said. My gaze was still then locked on the painting.
ChotoMa answered---“He came two days ago. He left today morning citing some urgent work.”
Her answer made my ears burn as if someone has poured hot oil on it. I clenched my jaws and gave a fiery look at ChotoMa. My heart thumped loudly inside my chest as if it would burst out any moment. I closed my eyes while those lies poured in my ears.
She nodded her head and said---“Yes he came.”
Himadri looked at me and then at ChotoMa---“What type of person he is? He left without meeting us?”
---“He was asking about you. I told him that you have gone for your honeymoon. He was happy.”
He asked---“Suchi and Abhimanyu must be very close. Was his job that much important than her?”
ChotoMa looked at me and then answered to his query---“They were not so much close. He actually left home before she came here.”
Himadri nodded his head. What he understood I did not know---“But, he must have come in the last two years, right?”
I hissed out at ChotoMa---“Stop this. I am tired.” I looked at Himadri and asked him whether he want to rest or not.
I knew by my heart and soul that ChotoMa was telling lie, but I did not questioned her. I stood up and said that I wanted to rest.
I walked inside the bathroom and looked my face in the mirror. It was red. My nose tips flared and a painful gurgle brewed inside my chest. “Why I have to hear his name time and again. I want to forget him.” I splashed water on my face, but that was not enough to drench my stringent pain in my soul. I clenched my fist and thumped on my bosom, but the fire was not doused yet. I looked up again and straightened up myself. I said to myself “Enough Suchi. Stop thinking about him. You are now Mrs. Karmakar. Forget what you had and embrace what you have. He is your past and your future is with you. Love and live what you have got.”
I walked in my room. I looked at the bookshelf and my bed. Everything was graced for our arrival to welcome Mr. Himadri Karmakar and Mrs. Suchismita Karmakar.
______________________________
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A new chapter of my life in a absolute unknown horizon was opened. I had to keep my pace according to my surroundings.
I told to myself on the first day “Love huh! Hard to find in this cruel world where everything is materialistic.” One thought that I was unable to come into terms that ChotoMa and Babu had bought my security by presenting a car in dowry.
Himadri was caring as all new husbands. I stayed very cold and calm in the first week after reception. He probably sensed that I was living in some fear and pain. He understood that due to some reason I was unable to open up. He did not delved into my privates till we were alone. He wanted all those fantasies to brew with understanding and love. My vacuum soul had some respite due to his soft rays of compassion.
On the first week of January, we went for our honeymoon.
ChotoMa and Babu came to airport to see-off.
On the plane Himadri asked me---“This is your first time on the plane?”
---“No, I have been to Delhi earlier.”
---“Ok. I thought this is first time. As you are looking very nervous.”
I smiled on myself “I was nervous due to the type of fantasies you are going to experiment.” My face became red and I looked the other way.
He rubbed his nose on my nape and whispered---“Your fragrance is making me insane, Suchi.”
Softly I placed my palm on his cheek and pushed away his face. I whispered---“Hey! This is plane. Don’t do like that here. Everyone is looking at us.”
He took my right palm and placed it on his cheek. I closed my eyes as my soft fingers got pressed on his raw cheek. He straightened up and whispered---“I am not cuddling any other’s wife? Am I?”
He smelled my fingers and I felt his warm breath on my fingers. All the pores of my left arm unfurled its petals.
I cooed out---“Himadri, please.”
“Ok honey.” He winked at me “The beach will catch fire….”
I could not hide my shy smile so I looked out of the window.
The resort was near to the airport, beside the famous Corbyns Cove beach. A cottage was booked for us.
We reached our resort by noon. The sunshine was very sweet. The weather was amorous, neither warm nor chilled. The winds were blowing from the sea. All the cottages were sea facing and it was east side.
I went near the huge glass window and pushed open the panes. I was wearing a blue chiffon saree and my long tress suddenly flew due to gush of wind that came from the sea. The waves were crushing on the seashore on the sparkling yellow sands. The white froths crushed on the shore and the swoosh sound made me weak. The amorous wind tried to unlock few moments but I kept myself contained and leaned over the window to devour the beauty of the sea and sand.
The beach was of “U” shape and on the northern corner a small island could be seen. Huge trees were all over the sides of the beach.
Suddenly I felt warm breath on my shoulder. I closed my eyes as Himadri placed his arms around my bare tummy and held me in his tight embrace. He gently nibbled the back of my head with his nose and took a deep breath. I held his hands tightly as I felt his nose tip on the back of my head. I tilted my head back as his nose grazed over my nape down to my bare shoulder.
Goosebumps awakened all over my neck. My face became warm by the friction of his strong fingers grazing and kneading my tummy. His teeth came near the broach on my blouse and he nibbled the round of my shoulder. His wanton bites made me jelly.
With a sudden thrust he turned me towards him and his lips crushed on mine. I placed my palms on his chest and felt that his chest was bare. His heartbeats thumped on my soft palm. His roughness made the depressed sullen fairy to unfurl unwillingly.
He scooped me and threw me roughly on the bed and came on me. Even before I could gather myself up, my dress was lying on the wooden floor. The moment he rushed in my domain, I bit my lower lips and closed my eyes. A tiny drop of liquid pearl drenched my eyelash.
A sweet and torrid way to love and that was Himadri. A strong rough coarse mountain under the soft white snow.
Himadri brought out a sky blue knee length sheer sleeveless frock. The moment I saw that sheer negligee on his hand, my face became red and turned my face away to hide my blush.
He came near me and asked---“I bought this for you. Don’t you like it?”
I nodded my head---“Yes it is beautiful.” I took that from his hand and went inside the bathroom. There was a lustful grin on his face as he observed my shyness smeared all over my face.
I came out after taking my bath in that dress that he presented. The cool breeze coming from the window drenched me in sweat of some unknown turbulence. Himadri changed himself to a Bermuda shorts and a sleeveless vest.
He came near me and took my face between his palms. He whispered in my ears---“You are looking gorgeous, Suchi.”
I looked pale as I heard him say those words. My eyes suddenly turned hazy.
He patted gently on my back and asked me “What happened Suchi? I am here.”
I wiped my tears and looked at him. I exhaled a deep gush out of my chest and smiled---“Nothing Himadri. I was just ….”
I could not even finish my sentence, he cut short that sentence with a deep kiss on my lips.
He broke his kiss after a long time. My whole figure was shaking as his fingers traced every contours of my curvaceous figure. I wrapped my arms around his neck.
He took my hand and asked me---“Lets us walk on the beach.”
I was taken aback by his suggestion. I screamed out---“WHAT? You want me to go out like this? No Himadri.”
He pleaded and pulled me by my hand---“Come On Suchi. We came here for our honeymoon.”
I got annoyed---“But that does not mean that I will go out in this sheer negligee, Himadri.”
He almost pulled me out on the balcony---“You beauty is simply irresistible. See out on the beach, who is there wearing full dress?”
I clenched my right fist. I was about to break in tears---“You know my nature Himadri.”
He clenched his jaws and gave a pleading look at my face. He let my hand go and walked silently in the room. After sometime he came out with a sarong and asked me to wrap around my waist.
“Now is that ok for you?” He smiled at me.
I nodded my head and smiled---“You won’t buzz from your nature.”
He made a naughty face and gestured me to walk along with him. Unwillingly at first, I stepped out. The cool breeze caressed my bare arms and my warm face. He put his left arm around my waist and pulled me towards him. The fine grains of sand felt awesome under my bare feet. At times the waves crushed near my feet. That was the first time I was on a sea beach. I looked around those tall coconut and palm trees.
We walked till the end of the beach. The sun went down on my left. The sky was painted with golden yellow and orange stokes of pastel paint. The breeze suddenly shook me. Himadri felt my turbulence and looked at me.
---“What happened?”
“Nothing….” I looked down and answered. The humid breeze brought some humid memoirs in my soul. I bit my lips hard to douse the memoirs.
He asked me to sit down on the beach and I obeyed him.
He looked at my cold face and asked---“You are very timid and shy in nature. Were you like this from the beginning?”
I nodded my head “Yes”
Only my heart knew “No, I was a vibrant girl. I was a puerile fairy of my unicorn. Oh! No what I was thinking. This is not done. I should not do this.”
He lied down on the beach on his back. I sat cowered with my knees folded and arms resting across my knees. My chin rested on my knees and I looked towards the infinite sea. The horizon looked very calm.
He spoke after a long time---“I am bit rough in nature. Is not it Suchi?”
I looked at his face trying to fathom as what does he want to say.
He turned towards me and said---“Most of the time I stay along with the workers and low class people. To tame them, they only understand the cane. They understand slang language. I had to use foul language always.”
He touched my bare right arm and traced my soft skin till my shoulder. It send a sweet tingle down my spine.
---“You know, I am very arrogant. I am very stern. I love myself a lot. I can’t take no for any answer. If any one denies me, then blood gushes in my brain.”
I exhaled a deep breath out of my chest and said---“I will try my best not to make you angry.”
He kissed the round of my right shoulder and whispered---“I know you will.”
“Women are like water, they take the shape of the tumbler in which it is poured.” I didn’t said those words to him, instead---“Himadri, change is evitable in this world. The only constant thing in this world is change.”
I smiled at him and said---“You are engineer and I am a physics student, so we both know about Quantum mechanics.”
He laughed out and patted my cheeks---“My darling. Can you think of something else other than physics?”
I constricted my nose---“If I say no, then?”
He suddenly pinned me down on the sand and came on me out in the open---“Then you know….”
I patted his cheek and whispered---“Let me go. Not in the open.”
He kissed me sweetly and stood up.
We walked towards the cottage, arms in arms. I pointed to the solitary island on the north side of the beach---“Will we visit that island?”
He looked back over his shoulder to the island and said---“If time permits.”
He then grinned at me and danced his brows. I understood the meaning and turned my face away to hide my coy face.
After sometime I asked him---“Himadri, you promised me that you will allow me to do a job.”
He stopped and looked at me---“Why do you want a job? There is no need of that.”
I turned my face away from him---“You promised me Himadri.”
“Suchi, my dad is very strict person. He won’t allow his daughter-in-law to go out and work.” he spoke calmly.
I looked over my shoulder so as to fathom as who was talking, was it Himadri or my father-in-law.
From his writhing pleading eyes, I understood that it was my father-in-law who was speaking.
I shook my head in dismay and bit my lower lips “My dream, my ambition is drowning beneath the horizon of the Bay-of-Bengal.”
I folded my arms across my chest and walked towards the cottage, leaving Himadri behind. He stood perplexed on the beach, alone and helpless. The evening was dark. I felt “How alone we are in this world.”
Before the dinner, he asked me---“What do you like for dinner? Seafood is ok for you?”
I gave a soft smile at him said---“I haven’t tasted sea-food. I am from village, you know that very well. I would like to have plain Indian food preferably Bengali ones are better.”
He didn’t wait for my sentence to finish, he picked up the phone and ordered for crab.
We sat on the balcony looking towards the sea.
He asked me---“I am really at my wits end that how can a beautiful lady be so calm and quiet.”
I smiled at him---“Why? What type of girl you liked?”
He joked---“I wanted a jovial lady in my life. Your eyes and your smile captured me.”
I laughed at him and said---“See I am laughing, now satisfied.”
He shook his head---“You are too much, Suchi.”
Again there was a silence between us.
“Suchi” he spoke up “I have a question?”
---“What?”
He took a deep breath---“Your ChotoMa has a son. He was not present at our wedding. Where is he?”
I closed my eyes and an impetuous chill ran through my frame.
I answered very calmly---“I don’t know.”
He was surprised by my answer---“You don’t know? How can that be? I asked your ChotoMa about Abhimanyu. They also didn’t give proper answer. Is he alright? I mean what happened to him?”
My chest trembled and a huge torrential wave brewed inside my heart. I clenched my jaws. In that low light probably he didn’t noticed my facial tension.
Somehow I restrained myself from breakdown and answered---“Last information I had, he was in New Delhi. I don’t know anything more than that.”
---“You two must be very close. What type of person he would be that he didn’t attend our wedding? I asked your younger sister-in-law, Maithili also. She also averted my query.”
Lighting flashed in my head “We are not very close. We are two bodies one soul. My heart used to pump in his chest and his still pumps in mine. You won’t understand. I don’t know where he is. My fate, his fate and the cruel world brought me on your lap.”
Instead I queried him---“Why are you asking me these? You could have asked ChotoMa.”
Just then there was a knock on the door.
He got up and I felt relieved. A huge boulder just got off my chest. I was on the verge of break down and the room service was my savior. I wiped my eyes and gathered myself up from the balcony. The room service served the dinner.
I looked at the red Australian crab on the white china plate. As it was looking at me.
I smiled at Himadri and asked him---“How to break this and eat?”
He laughed at me and said---“Wait. There are pliers and stick.”
I made an annoying face by twitching my lips---“Eeeeeee….. we have to poke inside that crab?”
He laughed at me---“Yes dear.”
He broke the shell and the smell of the crab flesh made me dizzy. I felt a lump pushing in my throat.
He looked at me and asked---“What happened?”
I somehow controlled myself so as not to bother him---“Nothing. I am ok.”
He mixed some red wine and scooped with spoon and placed near my lips. He signed me to take that.
The odour of the crab and mixed with wine made me feel dizzy. I felt strange sensation in my head. In spite of all those, I took the food from the spoon. As it went in my throat, my whole body shook.
I somehow finished the dinner. He asked me all the time as how was the food. I nodded my head to express that it was good. Last of all I could not control my uneasiness and went inside the restroom and vomited. Himadri got tensed as he found me vomiting. He rushed to the restroom and poured water on my face and head.
His voice was tensed---“Are you Ok? You could have told me that you don’t like crabs. I would not have ordered then.”
I looked at him and said---“You already placed the order before I finished my sentence.”
“Sorry Suchi.” He hugged me from behind and rubbed his nose on my nape.
My head was spinning, I was too weak and I was about to fall down. His strong arms around me deterred me from falling down. He scooped me in his arms and lifted me to the bed. He laid me down on the bed and covered me with the bed-cover.
He sat beside me and asked politely---“Feeling ok?”
I nodded my head “Yes.”
I closed my eyes and tried to take rest.
After sometime I opened my eyes and found him sitting outside the cottage on the balcony with a bottle of liquor. I felt itching sensation on my skin. In the low light of the night lamp, I looked at my arms and chest. Rashes were all over my arms and chest.
I slept alone on the huge bed.
First night of my honeymoon. I was alone with my void soul on the bed and my husband was in the balcony with his bottle.
I was down with fever for next two days and we could not go out of the resort. I saw the tension in his eyes. He was very much concerned about me. He was feeling depressed and was continuously blaming himself for my ill-health. However, I felt that I ruined our honeymoon.
I asked him---“Himadri, you are angry upon me due to my fever?”
He looked at my face and said---“No, I am not angry upon you. I am disappointed with myself.”
I came near him and touched his hand---“Don’t feel sad, Himadri. Out journey has just started. Several crest and troughs are waiting in front of us.”
He looked painfully at my face---“Sometimes, it is very hard to understand you, Suchi. Your bewitching beauty has several hidden tales. Most of the time, your eyes are expressionless and that look haunts me.”
I laughed at him and joked---“My expressionless eyes? Didn’t that captured you, Himadri?”
He scooped me up from the bed and carried me to the balcony. I sat on his lap, hugging his neck with my arms. He held me tightly around my waist. I forgot all the pains, my heart bore.
I looked out to the infinite horizon of the emerald green and blue coloured sea. The waves and the white froth crushing on the yellow ochre sandy beach.
His fingers were kneading my soft tummy gently over my gown. His touches gave a tingling sensation on my tummy. He rubbed his head and face on my cushy bosoms. I was not wearing any innerwear, so the friction heated my bosoms up and I cooed softly---“Himadri…..”
He looked at my squint eyes and asked me---“What?”
I moaned---“Not here, Himadri.”
He hugged me tightly and pressed his head on my cleavage. He was still for quite some time, he did not moved a muscle.
He looked up to me and said---“Do you believe that life is a cycle?”
I gave a queer look at him and asked---“What does this mean?”
---“I mean to say that, do you believe that past catches up in one’s life?”
“I have a bitter past with broken heart and bleeding soul. I don’t know what happened to him. I don’t know why he did this to me. I don’t know even that who I am.” My question was “Has he come to know about my past? What will be his reaction if he comes to know about my bleeding soul?” I could not make things out from the look on his face.
I asked---“Why are you telling this?”
He looked at the horizon of the sea and said in a low voice---“I had an old flame during my college years. She cited the reason of caste and creed and our relation snapped. I persuaded her a lot, that cast and creed won’t hamper our relation. But, she was not willing to come in terms.”
My soul writhed and I cursed myself. I smiled to myself “What a pair of broken hearts the heaven has made. Should I divulge my soul to him or not?” However, some unknown magnetic force restrained me from divulging my extinct flames. The only thing I could think that time that “He has kept the flame burning inside his soul. My flames doused with the pyre of my mother and my sacrament.”
I ruffled his hairs with my soft fingers and said to him---“I will make that up, Himadri.”
He looked at me, his lips touched mine. He cooed out---“Promise, Suchi.”
His face turned hazy, due to my brewing eyes.
I took his face between my palms---“Promise.”
“Yes, I made that promise. It was half-heartedly. Why it was halfheartedly? I don’t know the reason.”
Next day morning, it was fourth day of our trip. I felt better. I was still in the bed. My sleep was broken by a soft jingle. I looked with my sleepy eyes. I found Himadri’s smiling face in front of me. He was sounding the cup of tea with the spoon and cooed in my ears---“Come on sleepy damsel. Time to get up.”
I pulled myself up and looked at my chest. The upper part of my night-dress was much below as where it should be. I pulled the bed-sheet till my chest and looked at him. He touched my forehead and felt my temperature.
---“No fever. So how are you feeling?”
I stretched my arms overhead. His lewd gaze on my bosom made me writhe in bed. With my squint eyes I scolded him softly---“Don’t look at your sleeping beauty, like that.”
He stooped forward and whispered---“Am I looking to some other’s wife darling?”
I pushed his face by his forehead---“I have to freshen myself up.”
“Hmmmm…. Surely. So where do you want to go today?” He asked me.
I glanced over my shoulder as I entered the restroom---“How come I know? You have brought me here.”
---“Cellular jail is the main attraction on Port Blair. After breakfast we are going there.”
I dressed up in a beautiful chiffon pink sari and sleeveless blouse as to comply his request. My bun was resting on my nape. He asked me to put some flowers in my bun, which I obeyed. I finished my gracing before the dressing table. He looked at me in the reflection and came behind me. Put his arms around my waist and pressed his lips on my shoulder.
---“Do we have to go to Cellular jail, darling?”
I tightened his embrace around me. I felt somewhat secured. I cooed in his ears---“We have the whole night at our disposal Himadri.”
He loosened his grip and said---“Ok.”
We entered the premises of the famous “Cellular jail” of Port Blair. Without visiting this place, the Andaman trip would have been incomplete, I felt. There were only three blocks each of three stories of cells present. The guide explained us that, all other blocks were destroyed due to natural calamities. During the British rule, our Indian freedom fighters were locked up in these cells. Those cells were small and dingy with only a small window at the top. The guide took us to the cell where Savarkar was jailed. The gate was three fold.
I looked at Himadri and asked---“How he fled from this cell?”
Himadri looked at me and joked---“Push me by the cliff, I will goto him and ask.”
I started to beat him---“Don’t ever joke at me like that.”
We observed that there were few inmates also present. I asked the guide as why there were inmates in the jail, if it was closed one.
He explained that, those were castaway fishermen from Burma.
The guide then showed us the museum where the whips and other torture tools were in displayed. There was a clay statue of a man chained on a nailed wooden block. I looked at his painful face and then looked at Himadri.
He looked at me and understood that I was unable to stand those sightings. He hugged me closely we came out.
By the evening we were in our cottage. I changed myself to a simple salwar and walked alone on the sandy beach. I looked over my shoulder, Himadri was reclining in the chair on the balcony sipping his favourite drink.
I came back after an hour.
He said to me---“Your ChotoMa called.”
I shrugged my shoulder---“What’s new.” And I walked inside the cottage.
---“Not that. She was concerned about your health and she asked us to return.”
I was astonished and angry---“WHAT? She has asked us to return?”
---“Yes. What is your opinion, Suchi?”
I looked at his face and came near him---“What do you want to do?”
He handed me the phone and asked me to call ChotoMa.
I asked him again as what he wanted. He answered---“I don’t want to offend your ChotoMa. Since you are not pulling well so I think it will be better that we return tomorrow.”
I called up ChotoMa---“How are you and Babu?”
---“We are fine. But I heard that you had fever?”
---“Yeah, just like that. All new places and sea water.”
She sounded cold---“ShonaMa, don’t lie at least. Himadri told me that it was due to the crab. You had rashes. I am concerned about you. Come back.”
I shook my head---“ChotoMa, you are too much concerned.”
---“Yes. A little bit. Give the phone to Himadri.”
I handed him the phone. They talked for some time and then asked me to pack the bags.
Last night in the cottage of our honeymoon. Himadri tossed me over and over again on the ridge of soft love and passionate embrace as we melted ourselves. I stitched my torn soul to mend it with what was at my disposal. I apprehended that I had to contended myself with the snowflakes that I had.
I rested my head on his broad chest and he was gently scratching my scalp.
He spoke in a low voice---“Suchi...”
I whispered---“Yes”
---“I have another request to make.”
---“Hmmmm…”
---“I don’t want to start a family early.”
I pulled up and rested on my elbow and looked at his face---“Why?”
---“We have married just now. I don’t want to start a family so early, Suchi.”
I asked him---“What if your parents coaxes us to start?”
---“I don’t have the answer but you have to cite some reason.”
I closed my eyes and lay down on the pillow---“I don’t know Himadri. I am too feeble to stand against anyone. If you can manage then make your parents apprehend if they coax for grandchild. Anything that will come in future I will not turn my face away from that.”
Just then the mobile rang. It was near Himadri so he answered.
---“No we haven’t slept yet. How come you are awake at this time?”
I turned towards him and asked as who has called. It was midnight. He handed me the phone, it was Maithili.
She asked me---“How are you doing, Dear?”
At first I was skeptical as I didn’t have the correct answer as how I was.
I looked at his face as he was looking at me and answered---“I am doing fine.”
I heard her giggle on the other end. I wrapped the gown around my torso and walked to the balcony.
---“Why have you called at this time?”
She answered---“Just like that, Paree. I only wanted to know as how you are doing.”
I pressed the phone with all my strength to my ear and stammered out---“I….. Am…… Doing …… Fine…. Churni…… Good Night………”
Return flight back to Kolkata. I was very quiet all along the journey. The unnatural silence was pinching hard on both of us. He probably understood something. I looked out the window. The blue sky and blue ocean beneath. One could not demarcate as where one has ended and the other started. Himadri touched my shoulder to bring me back.
He asked me---“Something wrong? Why are you so calm and quiet?”
I smiled at him as I felt a pain in my soul. The pain was, as if I was again being caged from one ivory chamber to another---“Nothing…”
---“I know what you are thinking.”
I constricted my brows and asked him---“What?”
He let out a deep breath---“Don’t worry about the job. I have already spoken to the Director of a school. They were searching for a Physics teacher. Indian School Of Learning. The school is situated in the ISM campus.”
I could not control my feelings, my eyes brewed and my lips quivered. I gave a grateful look at him. He took my face between his palms and with is thumbs, wiped the rolling tears from my cheeks.
He whispered---“I will persuade mom and dad.”
I felt like hugging him with all my strength but I restrained as we were in an airplane.
ChotoMa was there at the airport to greet us. I was surprised to see Niladri to be present to greet us. I ran towards ChotoMa and hugged her tightly. She kissed my head. I smiled at Niladri and exchanged courtesy pleasantries.
Himadri asked Niladri as how come he was there? He answered that my ChotoMa informed my in-laws about my ill-health so my father-in-law send him to take us back.
We all were in the drawing room after dinner. ChotoMa was asking about our trip. Himadri looked at the painting of “Death of Socrates” that Abhimanyu painted and that graced the wall of the drawing room. I looked at the painting and devoured the creativity for some time.
Himadri asked ChotoMa---“Abhimanyu did not attend our wedding?”
ChotoMa looked at me. I feigned that I had not heard as what they said. My gaze was still then locked on the painting.
ChotoMa answered---“He came two days ago. He left today morning citing some urgent work.”
Her answer made my ears burn as if someone has poured hot oil on it. I clenched my jaws and gave a fiery look at ChotoMa. My heart thumped loudly inside my chest as if it would burst out any moment. I closed my eyes while those lies poured in my ears.
She nodded her head and said---“Yes he came.”
Himadri looked at me and then at ChotoMa---“What type of person he is? He left without meeting us?”
---“He was asking about you. I told him that you have gone for your honeymoon. He was happy.”
He asked---“Suchi and Abhimanyu must be very close. Was his job that much important than her?”
ChotoMa looked at me and then answered to his query---“They were not so much close. He actually left home before she came here.”
Himadri nodded his head. What he understood I did not know---“But, he must have come in the last two years, right?”
I hissed out at ChotoMa---“Stop this. I am tired.” I looked at Himadri and asked him whether he want to rest or not.
I knew by my heart and soul that ChotoMa was telling lie, but I did not questioned her. I stood up and said that I wanted to rest.
I walked inside the bathroom and looked my face in the mirror. It was red. My nose tips flared and a painful gurgle brewed inside my chest. “Why I have to hear his name time and again. I want to forget him.” I splashed water on my face, but that was not enough to drench my stringent pain in my soul. I clenched my fist and thumped on my bosom, but the fire was not doused yet. I looked up again and straightened up myself. I said to myself “Enough Suchi. Stop thinking about him. You are now Mrs. Karmakar. Forget what you had and embrace what you have. He is your past and your future is with you. Love and live what you have got.”
I walked in my room. I looked at the bookshelf and my bed. Everything was graced for our arrival to welcome Mr. Himadri Karmakar and Mrs. Suchismita Karmakar.
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