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Aisi koshish main aksar ab karne laga tha. Zyada se zyada waqt Renuka aur apne bete ke saath bitane ki koshish karta. Renuka ko aksar bahar le jata aur in sab baaton ki vajah mere apne dil mein chuupa chor tha. Main jaise apne andar hi andar koshish kar raha tha ke Renuka par shak karne ke apni galti ke liye khud ko maaf kar sakun. Jaisa bhi bartav maine Renuka ke saath un dino kiya tha use theek kar sakun.
Cheezen dheere dheere phir se theek ho rahi thi aur meri shaadi shuda zindagi ek baar phir khush-haal hone lagi thi. Renuka ne bhi mere andar aaye is badlaav ko mehsoos kar rahi thi aur phir se khush rehne lag gayi thi.
"Finally i have my husband back" Vo aksar kehti, "Kya ho gaya tha itne din se?"
"Kuchh nahi" Main sirf itna kehkar muskura deta.
Maine Renuka ka cell try kiya toh vo switched off mila. Use surprise dene ke liye maine raaste se kuchh phool kharide aur dopahar ke waqt uske office ja pahuncha. Reception par bethi ladki mujhe shakal se pehchanti thi.
"Phool laaye vo toh theek hai par galat jagah le aaye" Jab maine Renuka ke baare mein puchha toh usne haste hue jawab diya.
"Kya matlab?"
"Matlab ye ke aapko ye phool apne ghar le jaane chahiye the, aaj shayad aapki biwi ko inki zaroorat bhi hai"
"Main samjha nahi"
"Renuka Madam aaj jaldi ghar chali gayi, unki tabiat theek nahi thi toh office aane ke thodi der baad hi vo nikal gayi thi"
"Tabiat theek nahi thi? Kya ho gaya tha, anything serious?"
"I dont know really, vo kuchh sar mein dard hai bolkar chali gayi thi" Usne kandhe uchkate hue jawab diya.
Jabse main Renuka ko janta tha kabhi aisa hua nahi tha. Unless kuchh bahut hi badi baat ho, vo kaam chhod kar kabhi ghar nahi jaati thi. Uska kehna tha ke agar vo is tarah chhoti chhoti baat par chhutti lene lagi toh uske neeche kaam karne wale log bhi uski dekha dekhi aisa hi karne lagenge aur phir vo chah kar bhi unhein mana nahi kar sakegi.
Ye baat soch kar main ghabra utha aur fauran phone nikal kar phir Renuka ka number milaya. Cell ab bhi switched off tha. Maine phool pichhli seat par rakhe aur tezi se gaadi chalata hua ghar pahuncha.
Ghar pahuncha toh maan tab ghar par nahi thi. Vo shayad mere bete ke saath kahin bahar gayi hui thi. Renuka bedroom mein leti bekhabar so rahi thi.
"Hey are you ok? What happened?" Main uske kareeb bed par jakar betha aur uske baalon mein haath phirta hua bola.
Uski neend khuli aur apne saamne mujhe dekh kar vo chaunk si padi.
"Hi" Mera haath apne haath mein leti hui vo boli, "What are you doing home this time?"
"Tumhare office gaya tha, i though we will have lunch together but vahan se pata chala ke tumhari tabiat theek nahi aur tum ghar aa gayi. Everything ok?"
"Yeah everything is fine" Vo uthkar beth gayi, "Aise hi zara theek sa nahi lag raha tha, sar mein dard ho raha tha kaafi"
"Do you want to go to a doctor?"
"Nahi aisa kuchh nahi hai. Delivery ke baad se hi aksar aisa hota hai, kabhi kabhi jee bada kachcha sa hone lagta hai aur kuchh karne ka dil nahi karta. I feel like throwing up"
"I think we should consult a doctor if it has happened more than once"
"Dont worry about it, i will talk to him when we visit him next. Tumne kuchh khaya?"
"Nahi office se sidha yahin aa gaya tha"
"Abhi office jana hai vaapis?"
"Nahi ab nahi jaoonga, ab mera bhi mood nahi hai vaapis kaam par jaane ka"
"Let me fix you something to eat"
"Arrey nahi, tum aaram karo. Bahar se order kar lete hain kuchh"
"Nahi, tum change kar lo. Main kuchh bana leti hoon" Kehkar vo bed se uthi aur kitchen ki taraf badh gayi.
Maine apne kapde change kiye aur bathroom mein jakar haath munh dhoya. Bedroom mein bethe hue maine apne joote vahin bed ke paas hi utaar diye the. Bathroom se nikal kar maine joote lene ke liye bed ke kareeb aaya taaki unhein stand par le jakar rakh sakun. Jaise hi main unhein uthane ke liye jhuka, meri nazar bed ke neeche ek laal rang ki cheez par padi. Maine haath badha kar vo cheez uthayi aur ulat palat kar dekha.
Ek pal ke liye toh samajh nahi aaya ke vo kya hai aur jab aaya toh gusse ke maare mera khoon khaul pada. Vo ek condom ka aadha phata wrapper tha.
Jabse maine Renuka aur us ladke ko hotel ke bahar dekha tha tabse meri aur Renuka ki sex life bahut kam ho gayi thi aur uske pregnant hone ke baad toh maine kabhi uske kareeb gaya hi nahi tha. Delivery ke baad jab cheezen kuchh theek lagne lagi thi toh maine do teen baar raat ko uske nazdeek hone ki koshish ki par usne mana kar diya ye kehkar ke delivery ke baad vo thoda waqt chahti hai. Maine uski marzi ko izzat di aur use kabhi force nahi kiya.
Doosri baat ye ke main jis company ka condom use karta tha ye uska wrapper nahi tha. Jab bhi main aur Renuka saath the, maine hamesha aur hamesha sirf ek hi company ka condom use kiya tha aur vo ye nahi tha. Maine zindagi mein kabhi ye condom nahi kharida tha, aur haal filhal toh bilkul nahi.
Ek pal ke liye main bas khamosh khada us wrapper ki taraf dekhta raha. Phir maine aage badhkar room mein rakhe dustbin ka dhakkan khola toh vo khaali tha. Hamare yahan maid hamesha shaak ke waqt aati thi aur us waqt sab kamron ke dustbins khaali karti thi. Subah jab main office ke liye nikla tha tab mujhe achhi tarah yaad tha ke maine usmein kuchh purane papers phaad kar daale the. Maid abhi tak uske baad aayi nahi thi aur uske bavajood dustbin khaali tha. Maid kal shaam aayi thi aur vo hamesha poora ghar achhe se saaf karti thi, bed ke neeche bhi toh is baat ka sawal hi paida nahi hota ke ye wrapper kuchh din se yahan pada ho. Mujhe aur Renuka ko saath hue kayi mahine beet chuke the. Maine is company ka condom use kiya hi nahi tha aur agar kiya bhi tha toh ye mumkin nahi tha ke ye yahan itne mahino se pada ho.
Bimari ka bahana, Renuka ghar par akeli, Mobile switched off, dopahar ke waqt is tarah sukoon se bekhabar neend, bed ke neeche condom ka aadha phata wrapper, khaali dustbin aur mujhe ghar par dekh kar yun chaunkna. Mere dimag ne fauran 2 aur 2 jod kar chaar kar liye. Vo dopahar ke waqt yahan ghar par kya kar rahi thi ye samajh paane ke liye koi bada dimag lagane ki zaroorat nahi thi.
Mujhe samajh nahi aa raha tha ke kya karun. Vo kitchem mein khadi khana bana rahi thi aur mera dil kar raha tha ke uske baal pakad kar ghaseet-ta hua ghar ke bahar dhakka de kar aaoon. Meri biwi, meri apni biwi jise main jaan se zyada chahta tha vo mere peeth pichhe mere hi ghar mein, mere hi bedroom mein, mere hi bistar par is tarah mere pyaar ka gala ghont rahi thi. Had darja gussa hone ke bavajood bhi meri aankh se ek aansoo nikal kar mere gaal par ludhak gaya. Aakhir kahan kami reh gayi thi mujhse. Main kareeb aata toh bachche ki delivery ka bahana hota aur yahan hamare bedroom mein kisi gair mard ko bula kar ayyashi.
"Roti khaoge ya paranthe banaoon?" Kitchen se Renuka ki aawaz aayi toh mera dhyaan toota.
"Jo tum theek samjho" Main sirf itna hi keh saka aur apne gaal se aansoo ponchh diya.
Us incident ke baad ek baar phir vahi kissa shuru ho gaya jo kuchh din pehle chal raha tha. Mere aur Renuka ke beech phir ek doori si ban gayi. Main phir har waqt bas uski jasoosi mein laga rehta par kisi bhi tarah ye pata nahi chal raha tha ke vo ladka aakhir hai kaun aur na hi kabhi main use range haath pakad paya. Kuchh incidents uske baad aam ho gaye jaise aksar mujhe uska mobile phone switched off milta. Main uske office phone karta toh mujhe bataya jata ke madam is waqt kahin bahar gayi hain.
Raat ko kabhi kabhi neend mein mujhe aisa mehsoos hota ke vo kisi se halki aawaz mein baat kar rahi hai. Main uske sim ka jo clone mere paas tha us phone ko check kiya magar koi call nahi mili. Ek jankar ke zariye maine uske phone records nikalvaye par sab numbers meri jaan pehchan ke log the, zyadatar rishtedaar aur ladkiyan. Kuchh calls uske apne maan baap ko hoti thi, kuchh doston ko aur kuchh meri doston ko jaise ke Kamini par zyadatar sab ladkiyan hi thi aur jo ladke the unke saath uska kisi bhi tarah ka affair hone ka sawal hi paida nahi hota tha.
Is baat ne mujhe ye sochne par majboor kar diya ke ho na ho, uske paas ek doosra phone aur hai jiska mujhe pata nahi aur jiska istemaal vo apni ayyashi ke liye kar rahi hai mujhse chhupa kar. Maine poora ghar chhan maara, Renuka ka saman idhar udhar kar dala par vo phone bhi mujhe mila nahi.
Jahan ek taraf mujhe apni shaadi barbad hone ka gham khaaye ja raha tha vahan doorsri taraf jab bhi maine apne bete ki taraf dekhta toh dil mein sawal ye uthta ke kya sach ye bachcha mera hai ya Renuka ki ayyashi ka nateeja hai? Kya ye mera apna khoon hai ya kisi aur ka paap hai jise main apna naam dekar paal pos raha hoon. Ye sab sochte sochte main itna pagal ho chuka ke us masoom ke chehre mein ye talash karne laga ke uski shakal mujhse milti hai ya kisi aur se? Koi aisa jise main janta hoon aur shayad is tarah mujhe pata chal jaaye ke uska baap kaun hai?
Renuka ne bhi phir se mehsoos kar liya tha ke main usse door hota ja raha hoon. Shuru shuru mein toh vo mujhse puchhti rehti ke main is tarah behave kyun kar raha hoon par phir dheere dheere usne bhi puchhna band kar diya. Ham dono ke beech ek anjaan si deewar khadi ho gayi thi. Kabhi kabhi din beet jaate the ham dono ko ek doosre se baat kiye hue aur jo baat ham karte vo mere maan baap ke chalte bas naam bhar ke liye karte.
"Koi aur pasand aa gayi hai kya? Kya koi doosri aurat hai tumhari zindagi mein jiski vajah se mujhse door door rehte ho?"
Vo aksar mujhse ye sawal karti par mujhe hamesha uska puchhne ka andaaz aisa hi lagta jaise vo mujh par shak nahi balki khud apni bewafai ko justify karne ki koshish kar rahi ho. Jaise khud apne aapko vo dilasa de rahi ho ke kyunki uska pati bhi kisi aur ke saaath so raha hai toh uska bhi aisa karna jaayaz hai.
"Isse pehle ke main aapko results bataoon, agar aap bura na maanein toh kya main ek baat puchh sakti hoon?" Mere saamne bethi Doctor ne mujhse puchha.
"Puchhiye"
"Is test ke karane ki vajah?"
"I think iski vajah saaf hai. Main na bhi jawab doon toh aap jaanti hain ke main ye test kyun kara raha hoon"
"Sahi keh rahe hain aap. Main jaanti hoon par mera sawal asal mein ye tha ke is shak ki vajah?"
"Vo meri personnal life hai, hai mere paas kuchh vajah varna aisa shak apne aap hi kisi ko nahi ho jata" Maine jawab diya.
Kuchh din pehle mere bete Vikram ko bukhar aaya tha jiski vajah se Dr. ne uske blood tests kiye the. Doctor meri pehchan ka tha isliye Vikram ka ek blood sample main usse lekar Delhi se door ek Jaipur ke hospital mein aaya jahan main ye test kara sakta tha ke bachche ka baap main hoon ya nahi. Jaipur mein aane ki vajah sirf yahi thi ke main ye test ek anjaan shehar mein karana chahta tha jahan mujhe koi nahi janta.
"I am sorry, you are right par phir bhi main kehna chahungi ke is tarah ke shak married life kharab kar dete hain. Ab aap dono akela nahi, ek nanhi si jaan bhi aapke saath judi hui aur aap aur aapki biwi jo bhi karenge, uska sidha asar aapke bete par padega"
"I know" Maine sapat se lehze mein jawab diya, "Can i know the results now please?"
"Sure" Vo ek file meri taraf sarkati hui boli, "Bachcha aapka apna hai"
Mujhe samajh nahi aaya ke ye khabar sun kar main khush hua ya udaas. Samajh nahi aaya ke main asal mein sunna kya chahta tha? Ye ke bachcha mera hai ya ye ke bachcha kisi aur ka hai? Jahan ek taraf maine Vikram ke apna hi khoon hone par tasalli ki saans li vahin doosri taraf afsos bhi hua kyunki Renuka par anguli uthane ka ye mauka mere haath se nikal gaya tha.
Aur uske kuchh baad mujhe phir uski bewafai ka saboot apne ghar mein mila. Uske kapdo ke beech chhupaya hua ek condom ka packet jo usi company ka tha jiska phata hua wrapper kuchh din pehle bed ke neeche pada mila tha.
Hairat ki baat ye thi ke iske baad bhi main Renuka ko kuchh keh na saka. Pehle jahan is baat ka darr tha ke agar mera shak galat nikla toh kya hoga vahin ab mere masoom bachche ka chehra mujhe kuchh bhi karne se rok leta tha. Main faisla hi nahi kar pa raha tha ke Renuka se alag ho jaoon ya phir apne bete ki khatir ek bewafa aurat ke saath zindagi bitana shuru kar doon
Cheezen dheere dheere phir se theek ho rahi thi aur meri shaadi shuda zindagi ek baar phir khush-haal hone lagi thi. Renuka ne bhi mere andar aaye is badlaav ko mehsoos kar rahi thi aur phir se khush rehne lag gayi thi.
"Finally i have my husband back" Vo aksar kehti, "Kya ho gaya tha itne din se?"
"Kuchh nahi" Main sirf itna kehkar muskura deta.
Maine Renuka ka cell try kiya toh vo switched off mila. Use surprise dene ke liye maine raaste se kuchh phool kharide aur dopahar ke waqt uske office ja pahuncha. Reception par bethi ladki mujhe shakal se pehchanti thi.
"Phool laaye vo toh theek hai par galat jagah le aaye" Jab maine Renuka ke baare mein puchha toh usne haste hue jawab diya.
"Kya matlab?"
"Matlab ye ke aapko ye phool apne ghar le jaane chahiye the, aaj shayad aapki biwi ko inki zaroorat bhi hai"
"Main samjha nahi"
"Renuka Madam aaj jaldi ghar chali gayi, unki tabiat theek nahi thi toh office aane ke thodi der baad hi vo nikal gayi thi"
"Tabiat theek nahi thi? Kya ho gaya tha, anything serious?"
"I dont know really, vo kuchh sar mein dard hai bolkar chali gayi thi" Usne kandhe uchkate hue jawab diya.
Jabse main Renuka ko janta tha kabhi aisa hua nahi tha. Unless kuchh bahut hi badi baat ho, vo kaam chhod kar kabhi ghar nahi jaati thi. Uska kehna tha ke agar vo is tarah chhoti chhoti baat par chhutti lene lagi toh uske neeche kaam karne wale log bhi uski dekha dekhi aisa hi karne lagenge aur phir vo chah kar bhi unhein mana nahi kar sakegi.
Ye baat soch kar main ghabra utha aur fauran phone nikal kar phir Renuka ka number milaya. Cell ab bhi switched off tha. Maine phool pichhli seat par rakhe aur tezi se gaadi chalata hua ghar pahuncha.
Ghar pahuncha toh maan tab ghar par nahi thi. Vo shayad mere bete ke saath kahin bahar gayi hui thi. Renuka bedroom mein leti bekhabar so rahi thi.
"Hey are you ok? What happened?" Main uske kareeb bed par jakar betha aur uske baalon mein haath phirta hua bola.
Uski neend khuli aur apne saamne mujhe dekh kar vo chaunk si padi.
"Hi" Mera haath apne haath mein leti hui vo boli, "What are you doing home this time?"
"Tumhare office gaya tha, i though we will have lunch together but vahan se pata chala ke tumhari tabiat theek nahi aur tum ghar aa gayi. Everything ok?"
"Yeah everything is fine" Vo uthkar beth gayi, "Aise hi zara theek sa nahi lag raha tha, sar mein dard ho raha tha kaafi"
"Do you want to go to a doctor?"
"Nahi aisa kuchh nahi hai. Delivery ke baad se hi aksar aisa hota hai, kabhi kabhi jee bada kachcha sa hone lagta hai aur kuchh karne ka dil nahi karta. I feel like throwing up"
"I think we should consult a doctor if it has happened more than once"
"Dont worry about it, i will talk to him when we visit him next. Tumne kuchh khaya?"
"Nahi office se sidha yahin aa gaya tha"
"Abhi office jana hai vaapis?"
"Nahi ab nahi jaoonga, ab mera bhi mood nahi hai vaapis kaam par jaane ka"
"Let me fix you something to eat"
"Arrey nahi, tum aaram karo. Bahar se order kar lete hain kuchh"
"Nahi, tum change kar lo. Main kuchh bana leti hoon" Kehkar vo bed se uthi aur kitchen ki taraf badh gayi.
Maine apne kapde change kiye aur bathroom mein jakar haath munh dhoya. Bedroom mein bethe hue maine apne joote vahin bed ke paas hi utaar diye the. Bathroom se nikal kar maine joote lene ke liye bed ke kareeb aaya taaki unhein stand par le jakar rakh sakun. Jaise hi main unhein uthane ke liye jhuka, meri nazar bed ke neeche ek laal rang ki cheez par padi. Maine haath badha kar vo cheez uthayi aur ulat palat kar dekha.
Ek pal ke liye toh samajh nahi aaya ke vo kya hai aur jab aaya toh gusse ke maare mera khoon khaul pada. Vo ek condom ka aadha phata wrapper tha.
Jabse maine Renuka aur us ladke ko hotel ke bahar dekha tha tabse meri aur Renuka ki sex life bahut kam ho gayi thi aur uske pregnant hone ke baad toh maine kabhi uske kareeb gaya hi nahi tha. Delivery ke baad jab cheezen kuchh theek lagne lagi thi toh maine do teen baar raat ko uske nazdeek hone ki koshish ki par usne mana kar diya ye kehkar ke delivery ke baad vo thoda waqt chahti hai. Maine uski marzi ko izzat di aur use kabhi force nahi kiya.
Doosri baat ye ke main jis company ka condom use karta tha ye uska wrapper nahi tha. Jab bhi main aur Renuka saath the, maine hamesha aur hamesha sirf ek hi company ka condom use kiya tha aur vo ye nahi tha. Maine zindagi mein kabhi ye condom nahi kharida tha, aur haal filhal toh bilkul nahi.
Ek pal ke liye main bas khamosh khada us wrapper ki taraf dekhta raha. Phir maine aage badhkar room mein rakhe dustbin ka dhakkan khola toh vo khaali tha. Hamare yahan maid hamesha shaak ke waqt aati thi aur us waqt sab kamron ke dustbins khaali karti thi. Subah jab main office ke liye nikla tha tab mujhe achhi tarah yaad tha ke maine usmein kuchh purane papers phaad kar daale the. Maid abhi tak uske baad aayi nahi thi aur uske bavajood dustbin khaali tha. Maid kal shaam aayi thi aur vo hamesha poora ghar achhe se saaf karti thi, bed ke neeche bhi toh is baat ka sawal hi paida nahi hota ke ye wrapper kuchh din se yahan pada ho. Mujhe aur Renuka ko saath hue kayi mahine beet chuke the. Maine is company ka condom use kiya hi nahi tha aur agar kiya bhi tha toh ye mumkin nahi tha ke ye yahan itne mahino se pada ho.
Bimari ka bahana, Renuka ghar par akeli, Mobile switched off, dopahar ke waqt is tarah sukoon se bekhabar neend, bed ke neeche condom ka aadha phata wrapper, khaali dustbin aur mujhe ghar par dekh kar yun chaunkna. Mere dimag ne fauran 2 aur 2 jod kar chaar kar liye. Vo dopahar ke waqt yahan ghar par kya kar rahi thi ye samajh paane ke liye koi bada dimag lagane ki zaroorat nahi thi.
Mujhe samajh nahi aa raha tha ke kya karun. Vo kitchem mein khadi khana bana rahi thi aur mera dil kar raha tha ke uske baal pakad kar ghaseet-ta hua ghar ke bahar dhakka de kar aaoon. Meri biwi, meri apni biwi jise main jaan se zyada chahta tha vo mere peeth pichhe mere hi ghar mein, mere hi bedroom mein, mere hi bistar par is tarah mere pyaar ka gala ghont rahi thi. Had darja gussa hone ke bavajood bhi meri aankh se ek aansoo nikal kar mere gaal par ludhak gaya. Aakhir kahan kami reh gayi thi mujhse. Main kareeb aata toh bachche ki delivery ka bahana hota aur yahan hamare bedroom mein kisi gair mard ko bula kar ayyashi.
"Roti khaoge ya paranthe banaoon?" Kitchen se Renuka ki aawaz aayi toh mera dhyaan toota.
"Jo tum theek samjho" Main sirf itna hi keh saka aur apne gaal se aansoo ponchh diya.
Us incident ke baad ek baar phir vahi kissa shuru ho gaya jo kuchh din pehle chal raha tha. Mere aur Renuka ke beech phir ek doori si ban gayi. Main phir har waqt bas uski jasoosi mein laga rehta par kisi bhi tarah ye pata nahi chal raha tha ke vo ladka aakhir hai kaun aur na hi kabhi main use range haath pakad paya. Kuchh incidents uske baad aam ho gaye jaise aksar mujhe uska mobile phone switched off milta. Main uske office phone karta toh mujhe bataya jata ke madam is waqt kahin bahar gayi hain.
Raat ko kabhi kabhi neend mein mujhe aisa mehsoos hota ke vo kisi se halki aawaz mein baat kar rahi hai. Main uske sim ka jo clone mere paas tha us phone ko check kiya magar koi call nahi mili. Ek jankar ke zariye maine uske phone records nikalvaye par sab numbers meri jaan pehchan ke log the, zyadatar rishtedaar aur ladkiyan. Kuchh calls uske apne maan baap ko hoti thi, kuchh doston ko aur kuchh meri doston ko jaise ke Kamini par zyadatar sab ladkiyan hi thi aur jo ladke the unke saath uska kisi bhi tarah ka affair hone ka sawal hi paida nahi hota tha.
Is baat ne mujhe ye sochne par majboor kar diya ke ho na ho, uske paas ek doosra phone aur hai jiska mujhe pata nahi aur jiska istemaal vo apni ayyashi ke liye kar rahi hai mujhse chhupa kar. Maine poora ghar chhan maara, Renuka ka saman idhar udhar kar dala par vo phone bhi mujhe mila nahi.
Jahan ek taraf mujhe apni shaadi barbad hone ka gham khaaye ja raha tha vahan doorsri taraf jab bhi maine apne bete ki taraf dekhta toh dil mein sawal ye uthta ke kya sach ye bachcha mera hai ya Renuka ki ayyashi ka nateeja hai? Kya ye mera apna khoon hai ya kisi aur ka paap hai jise main apna naam dekar paal pos raha hoon. Ye sab sochte sochte main itna pagal ho chuka ke us masoom ke chehre mein ye talash karne laga ke uski shakal mujhse milti hai ya kisi aur se? Koi aisa jise main janta hoon aur shayad is tarah mujhe pata chal jaaye ke uska baap kaun hai?
Renuka ne bhi phir se mehsoos kar liya tha ke main usse door hota ja raha hoon. Shuru shuru mein toh vo mujhse puchhti rehti ke main is tarah behave kyun kar raha hoon par phir dheere dheere usne bhi puchhna band kar diya. Ham dono ke beech ek anjaan si deewar khadi ho gayi thi. Kabhi kabhi din beet jaate the ham dono ko ek doosre se baat kiye hue aur jo baat ham karte vo mere maan baap ke chalte bas naam bhar ke liye karte.
"Koi aur pasand aa gayi hai kya? Kya koi doosri aurat hai tumhari zindagi mein jiski vajah se mujhse door door rehte ho?"
Vo aksar mujhse ye sawal karti par mujhe hamesha uska puchhne ka andaaz aisa hi lagta jaise vo mujh par shak nahi balki khud apni bewafai ko justify karne ki koshish kar rahi ho. Jaise khud apne aapko vo dilasa de rahi ho ke kyunki uska pati bhi kisi aur ke saaath so raha hai toh uska bhi aisa karna jaayaz hai.
"Isse pehle ke main aapko results bataoon, agar aap bura na maanein toh kya main ek baat puchh sakti hoon?" Mere saamne bethi Doctor ne mujhse puchha.
"Puchhiye"
"Is test ke karane ki vajah?"
"I think iski vajah saaf hai. Main na bhi jawab doon toh aap jaanti hain ke main ye test kyun kara raha hoon"
"Sahi keh rahe hain aap. Main jaanti hoon par mera sawal asal mein ye tha ke is shak ki vajah?"
"Vo meri personnal life hai, hai mere paas kuchh vajah varna aisa shak apne aap hi kisi ko nahi ho jata" Maine jawab diya.
Kuchh din pehle mere bete Vikram ko bukhar aaya tha jiski vajah se Dr. ne uske blood tests kiye the. Doctor meri pehchan ka tha isliye Vikram ka ek blood sample main usse lekar Delhi se door ek Jaipur ke hospital mein aaya jahan main ye test kara sakta tha ke bachche ka baap main hoon ya nahi. Jaipur mein aane ki vajah sirf yahi thi ke main ye test ek anjaan shehar mein karana chahta tha jahan mujhe koi nahi janta.
"I am sorry, you are right par phir bhi main kehna chahungi ke is tarah ke shak married life kharab kar dete hain. Ab aap dono akela nahi, ek nanhi si jaan bhi aapke saath judi hui aur aap aur aapki biwi jo bhi karenge, uska sidha asar aapke bete par padega"
"I know" Maine sapat se lehze mein jawab diya, "Can i know the results now please?"
"Sure" Vo ek file meri taraf sarkati hui boli, "Bachcha aapka apna hai"
Mujhe samajh nahi aaya ke ye khabar sun kar main khush hua ya udaas. Samajh nahi aaya ke main asal mein sunna kya chahta tha? Ye ke bachcha mera hai ya ye ke bachcha kisi aur ka hai? Jahan ek taraf maine Vikram ke apna hi khoon hone par tasalli ki saans li vahin doosri taraf afsos bhi hua kyunki Renuka par anguli uthane ka ye mauka mere haath se nikal gaya tha.
Aur uske kuchh baad mujhe phir uski bewafai ka saboot apne ghar mein mila. Uske kapdo ke beech chhupaya hua ek condom ka packet jo usi company ka tha jiska phata hua wrapper kuchh din pehle bed ke neeche pada mila tha.
Hairat ki baat ye thi ke iske baad bhi main Renuka ko kuchh keh na saka. Pehle jahan is baat ka darr tha ke agar mera shak galat nikla toh kya hoga vahin ab mere masoom bachche ka chehra mujhe kuchh bhi karne se rok leta tha. Main faisla hi nahi kar pa raha tha ke Renuka se alag ho jaoon ya phir apne bete ki khatir ek bewafa aurat ke saath zindagi bitana shuru kar doon