Romance Choti si Bhool by Jatin(completed)

[Mr.X]

Maine billu se kaha, billu bas hat jao, log hamein hi dekh rahe hai
Maine ushke kandho ko pakda aur ushe dur hataane ki koshis ki par tabhi vo mere haath se chhut kar jamin par gir gaya.
“Billu utho….. kya ho gaya tumhe” —- maine billu ko hilaate huve kaha
Tabhi sidharth bhi vaha aa gaya.
“Kya huva ishe ritu” —- sidharth ne pucha
pata nahi sidharth abhi mere gale lag kar bahut ro raha tha, achaanak neeche gir gaya
“ohh ye behosh ho gaya hai. ishe hospital ley chaltey hai, hato mai ishe uthaata hun” —- sidharth ne mujhe billu ke upar se hataate huve kaha.
Sidharth ne billu ko apne dauno haato mein utha liya aur utha kar apni car ki taraf chal diya aur bola, “jaldi chalo ritu sochne ka vakt nahi hai, pata nahi ishe kya huva hai”
Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha ki kya ho raha hai. par ye sach tha ki mai billu ke liye bahut pareshaan thi. aisa kyon tha. ishka mere paas koyi jawaab nahi hai.
Sidharth ne billu ko car ki peechli sheet par leta diya aur hum dauno aage baith gaye.
“Kya kah raha tha billu” — sidharth ne pucha
“kuch nahi ushne bas ek hi baat kahi ki ‘pata nahi kaha gaayab kar diya meri didi ko kamino ne ritu’ aur phir phoot phoot kar rone laga” — maine sidharth se kaha
“hmm…… lagta hai kisi gahre shock mein hai vo” — sidharth ne kaha
“haan hoga hi sidharth, ushki didi gaayab hai 2 saal se” —- maine kaha
jaldi hi sidharth ne car ek clinic ke baahar rok di.
Sidharth ne jhat se billu ko car se baahar nikaala aur ushe utha kar seedha clinic mein ghuss gaya.
Pata nahi sidharth ye sab kyo kar raha tha. par itna jaroor tha ki ish se ye baat saabit ho rahi thi ki sidharth bahut acha inshaan hai. kyonki vo ush ladke ki madad kar raha tha jishke kaaran vo subah hurt huva tha.
Doctor ne billu ko glucose chadhaya aur check karne ke baad kaha.
“Lagta hai koyi bahut gahra mental shock laga hai ishe. Par ishe khaana to theek se khilaaya karo aap log. Lagta hai 2-3 din se ishne kuch nahi khaaya hai” —- doctor ne kaha
maine man hi man mein socha “ohh god kya billu ki financial position itni khraab thi ki ushke paas khaane tak ko paise nahi the”. aur meri aankho mein aanshu bhar aaye. kaisi ajeeb baat ho rahi thi. mai ush billu ke liye aanshu baha rahi thi jishne mujhe barbaad kiya tha. jeendagi bhi ajeeb khel khelti hai.
Chapter 4 part 3
Aisa nahi tha ki billu se meri naraazgi dur ho gayi thi, aur na hi aisa tha ki maine ushe maaf kar diya tha, par phir bhi ek inshaan hone ke naate mai billu ke liye pareshaan thi.chaahe ushne mujhe barbaad kiya ho par phir bhi ushka mujh se koyi na koyi sambandh to tha hi.
Billu ko thodi hi der mein hosh aa gaya. Vo hadbada kar ek dam se uth gaya aur bola, “mai kaha hun”
Mai vahi ushke karib hi thi, sidharth bhi mere saath hi khada tha.
Maine kaha, “billu tum behosh ho gaye the, abhi tum clinic mein ho, chinta mat karo sab theek hai”
“Kuch theek nahi hai ritu, mujhe tumse akele mein baat karni hai” ——- billu ne meri aur dekh kar kaha.
Sidharth ne meri aur dekha aur maine ushe aankho hi aankho mein vaha se baahar jaane ki request ki.
Sidharth mera ishaara samajh gaya, aur baahar chala gaya. Bahut hi ajeeb pal tha vo mere liye. soch rahi thi ki kahi sidharth ko bura na feel ho ki mai billu se baat kyo karna chaahti hun. par pata nahi kyo mai billu ki baat shun-na chaahti thi
sidharth ke jaane ke baad billu bola, “
baith jao ritu”
pehle tum kuch khaa lo billu doctor kah raha tha ki tumne 2-3 din se kuch nahi khaaya, kya tumhaari financial position itni khraab hai
meri baat shun kar vo thodi der tak meri aur dekhta raha, jaise ki mere chehre par kuch padh raha ho.
Maine ushe dhyaan se dekha to paya ki ushki aankhe nam thi. vo nam aankhe liye mujhe dekhe ja raha tha.
Vo bola, “kya tumhe meri chinta ho rahi hai ritu, aisa mat karo mai ish laayak nahi hun”
“Nahi aisi baat nahi hai, doctor kah raha tha ki tumne kuch dino se kuch nahi khaaya ishliye kah rahi thi” —- maine kaha
“financial position itni bhi kharab nahi hai. kal jab tumne mandir ke baahar mujhe yaha se dafa ho jaane ko kaha to meri umeed tut gayi. lag raha tha ki tumse mile bina hi yaha se jaana padega. ishliye kal mera kuch khaane ka man nahi huva. Aur aaj ishliye nahi kha paya kyonki aaj meri didi kavita ka birthday hai aur mujhe kuch nahi pata ki vo kaha hai, kish haal mein hai, ish duniya mein hai bhi ya nahi. aisi haalat mein koyi kaise khaana khaayega ritu. Mai ek bhai ka farz neebhaane mein naakaam raha hun.” —- billu ne emotinal ho kar kaha.
“Billu mai samajh rahi hun, pehle tum khaana kha lo phir baat karenge, mai tumhaari baat shun-ne key liye taiyaar hun” —– maine kaha
“nahi ritu tumhe sab kuch bataaye bina ek nivaala bhi mere muh se nahi utrega, pehle meri baat shun lo, khaana peena to hota rahega” —— billu meri aur dekh kar bola
“Chalo theek hai, shunaao mai shun rahi hun” — maine kaha
“pehle ye bataao kaisi ho tum” ——- billu ne meri aur dekh kar pucha
“kaisi lag rahi hun billu………….. bas jee rahi hun, varna to ab bacha hi kya hai” —- maine bhavuk ho kar kaha.
“Samajh sakta hun, peechle 2 saal se meri bhi yahi haalat hai” ——- billu ne kaha
“ishliye tumne meri bhi yahi haalat kar di”
? —– maine pucha
“haalaat hi kuch aise the ritu, varna aaj tak maine kisi ko nukshaan nahi pahunchaaya, shuno mai tumhe puri baat deatail mein bataata hun.” —– billu ne kaha
maine kaha, “haan shunaao mai jaan-na chaahti hun ki meri barbaadi ka kya kaaran hai”
billu ke shabdo mein :—–
ritu, meri didi kavita mere liye sab kuch thi. mere parents koyi 10 saal pehle ek accident mein maare gaye the. Ushke baad meri didi kavita ne hi mujhe paal posh kar itna bada kiya hai. vo koyi tumse 3 saal badi hongi.
didi ne jab 2005 mein faridabad mein sanjay ke clinic mein join kiya tha to vo kaafi khus thi. Par mein unke saath faridabad nahi aa sakta tha. tab mai b.com second year mein tha. ishliye delhi mein hi rahta tha. par kabhi kabhi didi se milne aa jata tha.
sab kuch acha chal raha tha. mai didi ke liye koyi ladka dhund raha tha. vaise vo hamesha kahti thi ki tum chinta mat karo apni padhaayi par dhyaan do, mai khud sab kuch sambhaal lungi. Par mai ye ache se jaanta tha ki unhe mere kaaran apni shaadi ki chinta nahi hai.
khair maine didi ke liye ek ladka dhund hi liya. ladka sarif tha aur ushke ghar vaalo ki koyi demand bhi nahi thi. hamaari haalat vaise bhi aisi nahi thi ki jyada dahej de saken. ladka settle tha, aur bank mein P.O tha.
maine 2-02-2007 ki subah ko didi ko phone karke bataaya ki aap chhuti ley kar delhi aa jao, maine ek ladka pasand kiya hai, ladke vaale aapko dekhna chaahte hai.
pehle to unhone mujhe daanta ki apni padhaayi chhod kar bekaar ke kaam mein kyon lage ho, par phir vo delhi aane ke liye maan gayi aur mujhe kaha, “ lagta hai, ab tum badey ho gaye ho”
ye bol mujhe abhi tak yaad hai kyonki ushke baad aaj tak mai didi ki awaaj ke liye taras raha hun. har pal lagta hai ki abhi phone bajega, abhi koyi aahat hogi aur didi mujhe kahegi, “billu tum padhaayi kyon nahi kar rahe”
3-2-07…ko mai sara din bechain raha. subah se dopahar huyi aur dopahar se shaam, ladke wale bahut der tak baith kar chale gaye. Jaate jaate kah gaye, “koyi baat nahi beta, hum phir kabhi aa jaayenge”
mai didi ka mobile no. try kar-kar ke thak gaya. Har baar unka mobile switched off aa raha tha.mujhe lag raha tha ki kuch na kuch gadbad hai, varna didi kabhi apna mobile off nahi rakhti hai.
shaam ke koyi 6 baje maine faridabad jaane ka faisala kiya. Ek ghanta to delhi ke ISBT pahunchne mein hi lag gaya. Mai koyi 9 baje faridabad pahunch gaya aur seedha vaha pahunch gaya jaha didi paying guest thi. par vaha mujhe lock mila. maine aas paas ke logo se pucha to unhone bataaya ki unhone kal se kavita ko nahi dekha. Ek lady ne ye bhi bataaya ki kal se vo vaha aayi hi nahi thi.
phir maine didi ke clinic matlab ki sanjay ke clinic jaane ka faisala kiya.
Clinic pahunch kar maine sanjay se pucha, “doctor meri sister kavita kaha hai” ?
Ushne mujhe ghur kar dekha aur bola, “vo to yaha se kaam chhod kar chali gayi, mujhe nahi pata vo kaha hai”
Ye shun kar mai hairaan rah gaya. Mai soch raha tha ki, didi ne to aisa kuch nahi bataaya, abhi kal hi to unse meri baat huyi thi.
Mai mayusi bhara chehra lekar clinic se baahar aa gaya.
Tabhi mujhe yaad aaya ki didi aksar kishi veena joseph ke baare mein baat karti thi. veena joseph ne didi ko nursing field mein kaafi practical tips di thi.
Mai phir se clinic mein ghuss gaya aur ek nurse se pucha “kya aap veena joseph ko jaanti hai” ?
Ushne mujhe haath se ishaara kiya ki vo saamne veena joseph hi khadi hai.
Mai veena joseph ke paas gaya aur unse pucha ki meri didi kavita kaha hai.
Unhone mujhe dheere se kaha ki clinic ke baahar wait karo mein baahar aati hun.
Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha ki vo aisa kyo kah rahi hai
Mai clinic ke baahar aa gaya aur thodi der mein veena joseph bhi aa gayi. rah rah kar mujhe didi ki chinta ho rahi thi. yahi soch raha tha ki aakhir vo kaha hai.
Veena joseph ne mujhe bataaya, “beta kal kavita shaam ko sanjay ke cabin mein gayi thi. kah rahi thi ki ek din ki chuti maangne jaa rahi hun. par jab vo baahar nikli to ushki aankho mein aanshu the. vo bina kisi se kuch kahe clinic se nikal gayi. Ushke peeche peeche maine sanjay ke dost vivek ko jaate dekha. Bas itna hi mujhe pata hai. aaj vo clinic nahi aayi. Maine doctor se pucha to unhonr mujhe yahi bataaya ki vo kaam chhod kar chali gayi. vaise kavita yaha kuch dino se pareshaan thi. ye vivek aksar ushke saath ched-chad karta tha. kayi baar maine khud apni aankho se ushe kavita ko chedte dekha hai. par kal jaroor kuch jyada huva hoga, ishliye ushki aankho mein aanshu the.
Ye shun kar mera dil baith gaya, mai soch bhi nahi sakta tha ki didi ke saath aisa hoga
Maine pucha, “kya jab kavita baahar aayi thi, tab doctor sanjay bhi ander the”
Veena joseph ne bataaya, “ haan dr. sanjay ander hi the”
Ye sunte hi meri rago mein khun daud gaya. Mai bhaag kar sanjay ke cabin mein ghuss gaya aur ushe itna maara ki ushke muh se khun nikalne laga. par tabhi na jaane kaha se vivek bhi vaha aa gaya aur dauno ne mujhe kaabu kar liya. mai phir bhi unhe sambhaal leta par vivek ke paas pistol thi.
“Kaun hai ye sanjay” — vivek ne pucha.
“Ye kavita ka bhai hai vivek, tu ish par nishaana laga kar rakh mai ishe bataata hun ki kaise kishi ko maara jaata hai” ——- sanjay ne vivek se kaha
sanjay ne mere pet mein, muh par… har taraf ghusson ki bochar kar di
mai gir gaya, kya karta vaise bhi vivek ne mere upar bandook taan rakhi thi
“ohh haan yaad aaya mera mobile kaha hai, ishe aisi maut dunga ki tadap tadap kar marega saala haraami, mujh par haath uthaayega” —- sanjay ne kaha
sanjay ne meri aankho ke aage apna mobile kiya. ushme ek movie clip chal rahi thi.
pata hai ritu ush clip mein kya tha.
billu thodi der chup ho gaya aur maine dekha ki vo ro raha hai.
maine pucha “kya tha billu bataao mai shun rahi hun”
meri didi ro rahi thi aur rote-rote jor jor se cheella rahi thi aur vivek ushke saath ** kar raha tha. mujh se dekha nahi gaya maine apni aankhe band kar li. Par tabhi mere sar par sanjay ne kursi de maari aur mai jamin par gir gaya.
Tab sanjay ne mere sar ke baal pakad kar kheenche aur apne mobile ko meri aankho ke saamne ley aaya aur bola, “dekh saale kya hot maal hai teri bahan, kya maje se cheella cheella kar de rahi hai”
Meri didi ro rahi thi, aur vivek ushke saath…..
“Bas billu….. bas karo, mai aur nahi shun paaungi” —- maine apne kaano par haath rakh kar kaha.
Ritu meri didi ke saath koyi 4 log ** kar rahe the aur mujhe jabardasti sab kuch dekhaaya gaya. Sanjay aur vivek ko to mai jaanta hun, baaki ke 2 logo ka mujhe nahi pata ki vo kaun the. Aur pata hai jagah kaun si thi.
“Kaun si billu” —– maine pucha.
“Tumhaara bedroom ritu, vahi bedroom jaha ush din mein tumhe apni baahon mein utha kar ley gaya tha. tumhaara bedroom dekhte hi mai pehchaan gaya tha ki ye vahi mobile clip wali jagah hai” — billu ne kaha

 

[Mr.X]

maine kaha “oh yaad aaya un dino mai shaayad apne maayke mein thi, matlab ki delhi mein thi, par kya sanjay ne bhi…”
“kah to raha hun, vaha 4 log the sanjay unme se ek tha” ——- billu ne meri aur dekh kar kaha.
“Oh god….. mujhe vishwaas nahi hota” —- maine kaha
“Yehi vo vajah thi jishke kaaran maine ush din sanjay ko vaha khidki par bulaaya aur apne peeche ashok aur raju ko khada kar liya. ashok aur raju tumhaare liye vaha nahi the ritu, vo sanjay ko deekhaane ke liye the. Mai ushe deekhaana chaahta tha ki dekho kaisa lagta hai kisi apne ko aisi haalat mein dekh kar” —- billu ne kaha
“Par kya tumhe meri koyi chinta nahi thi, tumne ek pal ko bhi nahi socha ki mera kya hoga” — maine billu ki aur dekh kar pucha
“Ritu mai to ush din ko taalna chaahta tha. tumhe yaad hoga maine tumhe kaha tha ki tum sanjay ko sab kuch bata dau, yaad hai na tumhe, maine kaha tha na. ” billu ne pucha
“Haan yaad hai, par tumhe mujhe ashok ke aage fenkne ki kya jaroorat thi” —- maine pucha
billu continue….
mai bas sanjay ko barbaad karna chaahta tha aur chaahta tha ki ushki biwi ke charitra ko chalni chalni kar dun.
Par baad mein mujhe apni galti ka ahsaash huva. shaayad mujhe tumse pyar hone laga tha.
ishliye maine ush cycle wale ko maara tha. mai bilkul bardast nahi kar paaya ki ush cycle wale ne tumhe bus mein cheda hai. ush vakt mujhe pehli baar ahsaash huva tha ki mai tumse pyar karta hun.
par badle ki aag tab tak pyar par haavi thi. ishliye pyar itna ubhar nahi paya.
ashok ne kayi baar baad mein mujhe kaha ki ritu ko ek baar phir ley aao, par maine ushe saaf mana kar diya tha ki mere alawa ushe koyi nahi chooyega. Aur ushe ye bhi kah diya tha ki tumne agar aisa socha bhi to tumhe jaan se maar dunga. Aisa asar huva tha tumhaara mujh par.
Par ush din sanjay ko deekhaane ke liye jaroor ashok aur raju ko peeche khada kiya tha. mere liye bhi vo pal mushkil tha. mai tumhe dukh nahi dena chaahta tha. par badle ki aag mein mai sab kuch kar gaya”
Par aaj sochta hun ki mujhe kya mila ?
Mujhe kuch nahi mila ritu, meri didi aaj bhi gaayab hai aur aaj mai tumhaara gunahgaar ban gaya hun.
Ush din mai vahi sanjay ke cabin mein hi mar jaata to acha hota. Par kishi tarah se mai bach gaya.
Ush vakt sanjay se koyi milne aa gaya tha.
kishi nurse ne baahar se awaaj lagaayi, “doctor aapse shukla ji milne aaye hai”
sanjay aur vivek ka dhyaan mere upar se hat gaya aur mai moka dekh kar cabin ki khidki se kud gaya.
Par maine jo ush mobile mein clip dekhi thi vo aaj bhi mere deemag mein ghum rahi hai.
Apni didi ko aakhri baar dekha bhi to kaha dekha, ek mobile ki clip mein, unka ** hote huve.
Maine police mein report ki, sab kuch kiya jo mere bas mein tha, par aaj tak meri didi ka kuch nahi pata ritu, kuch nahi pata. Pata nahi ** karne ke baad unhone meri didi ke saath kya kiya. Ab mujhe lagne laga hai ki meri didi ish duniya mein nahi hai. mai ab yahi sochta hun ki vo log kam se kam meri didi ko jeenda to chhod dete. Kishi se bhi jeene ka adhikaar yu hi nahi cheen lena chaahiye.
…………
Sach mein billu ne jo mujhe bataaya ushe shun kar mere rongte khade ho gaye. Kya biti hogi beechari kavita par mai soch bhi nahi sakti. acha kiya maine jo ush din vivek ko goli maar di.
Sabse jyada hairaan mein sanjay ke baare mein shun kar thi.
Mere man par bojh tha ki maine sanjay ko dhoka diya hai, aaj ye bojh mere man se hat gaya.
“Ritu kya soch rahi ho” —- billu ne pucha.
“Kuch nahi billu kya sochun ab, tumne vo kiya jo tumhe theek laga, par barbaadi to dauno taraf ek aurat ki hi huyi. Udhar kavita barbaad huyi…. idhar mai…… ye kaisa khel hai” ? —– maine billu ki aur dekh kar kaha.
Billu ne apne haath se glucose hata diya aur bed se utar kar mere kadmo mein baith gaya.
“Ritu mai apni galti maanta hun, ishliye sab kuch bhula kar mumbai aaya hun. mujhe ab ye bhi yaad nahi hai ki mujhe kishi se badla lena hai. mai thak chuka hun. mujhe aaj bas ek baat yaad hai, aur vo ye hai ki “mai tumhe pyar karta hun” ——– billu ne mere haatho ko thaam kar kaha.
“Pyaar kya hota hai, tumhe ishka matlab bhi pata hai billu” —– maine pucha
“mujhe nahi pata, mujhe bas ek ahsaash hai ki mai tumhaare bina nahi rah sakta. Tumhaare sharir ko paa kar mein tumhaari aatma tak pahunch gaya hun. aur pata hai maine kya paya hai vaha pahunch kar” ? —- billu ne meri aankho mein dekh kar pucha
Maine pucha, “kya billu” ?
“Maine paya hai ki jeetna shunder tumhaara sharir hai, ush se bhi kahi shunder tumhaara man hai” — billu ne kaha
“rahne do billu mujhe mere ander andhera nazar aata hai aur tumhe vaha shundarta deekh rahi hai” — maine kaha
“jo maine dekha hai bata raha hun, aur ye sach hai” — billu ne kaha
“mai havash mein andhi ho kar tumhaare saath kho gayi thi, ushe tum sundarta kahte ho, vo meri sabse badi bhool thi” —– maine billu se kaha
“ritu tumhaare saath jo maine kiya vo koyi maamuli seduction nahi tha. that was in a way extreme form of seduction. Maine tumhe bahakne par majboor kiya tha, aur aaj bhi kar sakta hun. par aaj baat pyar ki hai. mai mumbai tumhe paane aaya hun. apni didi ko to maine kho diya, par tumhe mai nahi khona chaahta” —- billu ne kaha
Maine gusse mein pucha “Ye kya bakwaas hai billu, tum ye sab soch bhi kaise sakte ho, mai soch rahi thi ki tumhe apni galti ka ahsaash hai”
“Meri galti ye thi ki maine tumhe ashok ke paas bhej diya. ushi ke liye mai sharminda hun. par mujhe lagta hai, ushke baad jo bhi maine kiya ush mein mera pyar tha ritu. Maine bahut gahraayi se pyar kiya hai tumhe. Mere har sexual act mein pyar tha. bahut pyar se choosta tha mai tumhaari yoni ko. Jaise koyi bhagvaan ki puja karta ho. Vaise purane jamaane mein to yoni ki puja hoti hi thi. maine apne honto se tumhari yoni ko puja hai ritu. That was nothing but simple love. Jab mai tumhe pyar karta tha to bas tum mein kho jaata tha. Tum yu hi mere saath nahi bahak jaati thi. mera pyar tumhe bahkaata tha. Varna tum khud socho tum kyon ush din khud apne ghar ke peeche chali aayi thi. vo bhi mujhse bhi pehle. Maine tumhe dub kar pyar kiya hai ritu. Vo sab pyar hi tha. varna aaj mai yaha nahi hota. Ish baat ka ahsaash mujhe ab huva hai, tumhe bhi jaldi hoga” billu ne kaha
“Mere saare ahsaash khatam ho chuke hai billu, mere ander ab bas andhera hai, vo adhera jo tumne bhara hai. aisi baate karke tum phir se ushi raste par ja rahe ho” —– maine kaha
“Nahi ritu ye vo rasta bilkul nahi hai. vo rasta havash ka tha, ye rasta pyar ka hai, aaj mujhe tumse pyar hai aur der saber ye baat tumhe bhi feel hogi ki tum bhi mujhe pyar karti ho. Hum daono jud chuke hai ritu, hum ander tak jude hai. varna aaj tum gate way of India par nahi aati. Apne dil se pucho kya tum mere liye bechan ho kar vaha nahi aayi thi” — billu ne meri aur dekh kar pucha
“Ishliye aayi thi ki aaj mujhe pata chala tha ki tumhaari sister gaayab hai, ishliye nahi aayi thi ki mujhe tumse pyar hai” —- maine thoda gusse mein kaha
“pyar apna hint deta hai ritu, pyar situation create karta. Ye aap par hai ki aap ushke hint ko pehchaane. tum samajhti kyon nahi. pata hai mai behosh kyon huva tha” ? —– billu ne pucha
“kyon…. ab ye bhi bata do” —- maine pucha
“mujhe vishwaas hi nahi huva ki tum aa gayi, ishliye jab tumne mujhe peeche se awaaj di mai samajh nahi paaya ki kya karun. Aur jab tumhaare muh se apni didi ka naam shuna to khud ko sambhaalna mushkil ho gaya. Mai itna khus tha ki rone laga aur tumhaare gale lag kar behosh ho gaya. Ritu we are made for each other. Tum bas meri ho ritu…..bas meri” —– billu ne kaha
Mujh se ye sab shun-na mushkil huva ja raha tha. mai vaha se khadi ho gayi aur baahar jaane lagi.
Billu ne mujhe peeche se awaaj di “ tum kuch bhi kar lo ritu tum mujhe kabhi nahi bhula paaogi. Jaise mai tumhaare liye tadap raha hun tum bhi mere liye tadpogi”
Mai vaapas billu ke paas aayi aur ushe kaha, “billu vo din kabhi nahi aayega jish din mai tumhaare liye tadpun. Aaj mai bas kavita ke kaaran tumse milne aayi thi. mujhe ye bhi dukh tha ki tum 2-3 din se bhuke ho, par ab lag raha hai ki tum bilkul nahi sudhre”
“Mai tumhaare kaaran hi bhuka tha ritu, aur mai ab vo nahi hun jo tum samajh rahi ho. Aaj mai tumse pyar maang raha hun. pehle tumhaara sharir maangta tha. par tum dekh lena jaise maine tumhaara sharir paaya hai… vaise hi tumhaara pyar bhi paaunga. Ab tumhaara pyar hi meri jeendagi ka maksad hai ritu. Apni didi ko kho chuka hun, tumhe nahi kho sakta” —– billu ne kaha
“Billu meri baat dhyaan se shuno aur yaha se chale jao, jo tum soch rahe ho vo kabhi nahi hoga” —- maine baahar jaate huve kaha.
“Ritu ek minut” — billu ne mujhe peeche se awaaj di.
Mai ruk gayi aur boli, “kya hai billu.. ab tum had se aage badh rahe ho”
Vo mere paas aa gaya aur bola, “ ritu thank you very much. Aaj tum aayi. Tumhe sab kuch bata kar man halka ho gaya. Par aaj maine tumhaari aankho mein apne liye pyar dekha hai. mujhe yakin hai ki ek din tum bhi ye pyar dekh paaogi. Mujhe pura yakin hai”
“Jish din mujhe tumse pyaar hoga vo meri jeendagi ka aakhri din hoga billu. mai tumhe maaf kar sakti hun, par apne aap ko kabhi nahi. mai vo ahsaash dubaara jeendagi mein kabhi nahi aane dungi. vo paap tha aur paap ko tum aaj pyar nahi kah sakte” —– maine kaha aur mud kar kamre se baahar ki aur chal di.
“Vo paap jab mere liye pyar ban gaya to tum bhi nahi bach paaogi ritu. Dekhna ek din tum khud meri baahon mein aaogi. Mera pyaar tumhe kheench laayega. Mai ab yahin mumbai mein hi rahunga ritu, jab tak mujhe umeed hai tumhe paane ki mai yahi rahunga. Ho sakta hai mai kabhi kaamyaab na ho paaun. Par tumhaare liye kuch bhi kar sakta hun” —- billu ne mujhe peeche se awaaj laga kar kaha
mai kamre se baahar aa gayi
sidharth kahin nahi deekh raha tha.
tabhi billu bhi baahar aa gaya aur ek nurse se bola, “please bill bana deejiye, mai ja raha hun. mujhe mere pyar ko paana hai”
“theek hai bana deti hun, wait a minut” —– nurse ne billu se kaha.
Mai vaha se aage badh gayi
Tabhi sidharth aata huva deekhayi diya.
“Kaha chale gaye the tum sidharth” —- maine pucha
“bas yu hi thoda tahal raha tha, kaisa hai billu” ? —- sidharth ne pucha
“Vo theek hai, balki kuch jyada hi theek hai, chalo chalte hai” —- maine kaha.
“Hmm… chalo… mujhe koyi problem nahi hai, vaise kya baat ki ushne” —- sidharth ne pucha.
“Kuch nahi bas bata raha tha ki kyon vo mere peeche pada tha” —- maine kaha……. aur sidharth ko kavita ki kahaani shuna di.
“Oh very sad, par itni der tak yahi baate chal rahi thi kya” —– sidharth ne pucha.
“haan yahi sab aur kuch bekaar ki baate, chhodo unse hamein koyi lena dena nahi hai” —– maine kaha.

 

[Mr.X]

aur ish tarah ish din ka ant huva. Subah se lekar shaam tak kuch na kuch hota raha.
ab billu pyar ki baat kar raha hai. mujhe nahi lagta ki mai ushe dubaara dekhna bhi chaahungi. Ush se pyar to dur ki baat hai. billu se pyar mere liye zahar ke samaan hoga. Ye zahar mai kabhi nahi khaaungi.
Date : 11-02-09
Billu ne jo kuch bhi clinic mein kaha ushe mere liye hazam karna mushkil hai. aisa lagta hai ki vo apne ushi puraane roop mein aa gaya hai. bahut confident ho kar ushne kaha tha ki tumhe aaj bhi seduce kar sakta hun. pata nahi vo khud ko kya samajhta hai.
Par aaj mai jaanti hun ki vo kaun hai. par vo nahi jaanta ki aaj mai vo ritu nahi hun, jo ushki baato mein aa kar bahak jaati thi. bahut gahri chot khaayi hai maine billu ke saath bahak kar. Ye aisi chot thi ki ab mere saare ahsaash hi mar chuke hai. ek aurat hone ka gorav main kho chuki hun. sex naam se mujhe nafrat ho gayi hai. ab mujhe pyar ka bhi ahsaash nahi hota. Tabhi to mai sidharth ke pyar ka jawaab pyar se nahi de pa rahi hun. ishliye mujhe nahi lagta ki main sidharth se shaadi kar ke ek patni ka farz nibha paaungi. Acha yahi hai ki apni baaki ki jeendagi ka safar mai akele hi taiy karun.
Vaise bhi mere paas chintoo hai, ush ke saath baaki ki jeendagi kat jaayegi.
Lekin ek baat mere man mein aa rahi hai. kahin billu apni sister kavita ke ** ki jhuti kahaani to nahi bana raha. ushne shuru se mere saath makkaari ki hai. kahin vo phir se to koyi khel nahi khel raha. jaisa ushka clinic mein behaviour tha ush se to yahi lagta hai ki vo bilkul nahi badla. Pehle seduction kar raha tha ab pyar hai, kya majaak hai ye. Ushki baato mein kishi saajish ki bu aa rahi hai.
Khair ab mai ushe ache se jaanti hun ki vo kya hai, ab mein dubaara dhoka nahi khaaungi.
Date : 11-02-09
Shaam ke 8 baje hai, abhi abhi sidharth yaha se gaya hai.
Aaj maine sidharth ko ye baat saaf kar di ki mai ush se hargeez shaadi nahi kar sakti.
“Kyon ritu kya baat hai, kya tum ab mujhe jara bhi pyar nahi karti” —- sidharth ne pucha.
Maine kaha, “sidharth I respect you a lot, but I can’t marry you. Kyonki mujhe nahi lagta ki mai ek patni ka farz nibha paaungi. Meri aatma tak andhera bhara hai. please meri baat samajhne ki koshish karo. Hum ache dost ban kar rah sakte hai”
“Ritu kab tak yahi baate karti rahogi. Maine kaha to tha ki wait karte hai. jab tumhaara man hoga tabhi shaadi karenge. Ab kya ho gaya. Mai shaadi tumhi se karunga, chaahe tum kuch kar lo” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“Phir mujhe dukh hai sidharth hum dost bhi nahi rah paayenge. Mujh par ye fainsala mat thopo. Mai tum se hi nahi balki kishi se bhi shaadi nahi karna chaahti. Mai bas apne bete ke liye jee rahi hun, varna main kab ki mar chuki hoti. Ab tum jao, hum baad mein baat karenge. Tum meri haalat nahi samajh sakte” —- maine kaha
“ok… ok ritu theek hai, mai ab dubaara shaadi ki baat nahi karunga. theek hai hum dost ban kar rahte hai. ab khus” —- sidharth ne mushkuraate huve kaha.
“sidharth baat khusi ki nahi hai, mai nahi samajhti ki mujhe shaadi karni chaahiye. ye mera decision hai. aur mujhe ummeed hai ki tum mere decision ki izzat karoge” —- maine kaha.
“Theek hai ritu jaisa tum chaaho. Mai tumhe pyar karta tha aur karta rahunga”
“kya tumhe vaakayi mein ab tak koyi ladki pasand nahi aayi” — maine pucha.
“Nahi.. kaha na tumhaare jaisi koyi mili hi nahi” — sidharth ne kaha.
“To ab kishi ko dhund lo, kaho to mai kishi ko talaash karun” — maine pucha
“nahi nahi… ye kaam mein khud kar lunga. Mein ye bardaast nahi kar paaunga ki jishe mein pyar karta hun, vo mere liye ladki dhunde” sidharth ne kaha.
Ye kah kar vo chala gaya.
Mere man mein sidharth ke liye agar jara sa bhi pyar ka ahsaash hota to mein kuch sochti bhi. Ishliye maine sidharth ko saaf saaf kahna sahi samjha. Lagta hai vo ab meri baat samajh gaya hai.
………..
Date : 12-02-09
11:30 pm
Aaj maine sidharth jaise ache dost ko kho diya. aaj ushne mere saath vo kiya jo mai sapne mein bhi nahi soch sakti thi.
lagbhag shaam ke 8 baje mere ghar ki bell baji. Maine darvaaja khola to dekha ki sidharth hai. ushe dekhte hi mai samajh gayi ki vo sharaab pee kar aaya hai.
“Ritu darling ander aa jaaun” —- sidharth ne bahki huyi awaaj mein kaha
mujhe nahi pata tha ki sidharth drink karta hai.
“sidharth ye kya haal bana rakha hai, tum ghar jao, baad mein baat karenge” —- maine kaha.
Vo mujhe peeche hata kar ander ghuss gaya aur bola “baad mein nahi… abhi baat karenge”
“Sidharth tum abhi hosh mein nahi ho, please abhi jao, mujhe vaise bhi office ka kuch kaam karna hai” — maine kaha.
“Ritu darling kaam to hota rahega, aaj mai tumse kuch lene aaya hun” —— sidharth ne kaha.
“Kya baat hai sidharth ? tum bahki bahki baate kar rahe ho” —– maine pucha.
“Mujhe bhi tumhaari chut chaahiye ritu, duniya ne ley li, meri baari kab aayegi” —— sidharth ne bahaki huyi awaaj mein kaha
“sidharth ye kya bakwaas kar rahe ho, foran yaha se chale jao, tum abhi hosh mein nahi ho” —– maine jor se gusse mein kaha.
“Dekho to sahi ritu, my cock is also big like billu you will enjoy it” —- sidharth ne apni zip kholte huve kaha.
Maine foran apni aankhe band kar li. mujhe bilkul vishwaas nahi ho raha tha ki sidharth aisa kar raha hai.
Mai darvaaje ke paas aa gayi aur boli “sidharth jaldi yaha se chale jao, mujhe abhi tumse koyi baat nahi karni”
Sidharth ne aage badh kar darvaaje ki kundi laga li aur mujhe apne haatho mein utha liya.
“Ye kya kar rahe ho sidharth, chhodo mujhe…tumhe kya ho gaya hai” —- maine jor se kaha.
“Mai tumse shaadi karna chaah raha tha aur tumne saaf mana kar diya. arey vo to mai hun jo tumhe aankh meech kar apna raha tha, varna aaj ke din tum par koyi kutta bhi nahi thukega,…..bitch kahin ki” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“Oh no….. sidharth please ye sab kya kah rahe ho… please mujhe chhod do. Hum ish baare mein baad mein baat karenge” —– maine gidgidaate huve kaha.
“First I will fuck you hard… you bitch, mere pyar ka majaak udaati ho. Kya hai ush billu mein. Ush din bade pyar se chaaro aur ushe dhund rahi thi. aur shaam ko share aam ushke gale lag kar khadi thi. mere paas ushke jitna bada hai, ley kar dekh, tu ushe bhool jaayegi” —- sidharth ne kaha.
Mai ushke haatho mein chatpata rahi thi.
Vo mujhe bedroom mein ley aaya aur mujhe bed par patak diya.
“Sidharth ye kya ho gaya hai tumhe, please…..hum baad mein araam se baat karenge” —- maine kaha.
“First we will fuck, than we will discuss… ok….., now remove your clothes and spread your legs, I want to fuck you” —– sidharth ne kaha.
Meri majboori ye thi ki mai sidharth par haath nahi uthaana chaahti thi. par jab ushne apni pant neeche sarka di to maine uth kar ek jor daar thappad ushke muh par jad diya.
Par ush par ek thappad ka koyi asar nahi huva.
“You whore,…… mujh par haath uthaati ho, pyar karta tha mai tumse par tumne mujhe kya diya. na pehle shaadi ke liye haan ki aur na ab shaadi key liye maan rahi ho. Ab mai bina shaadi ke hi honeymoon mana kar rahunga. Jab billu kar sakta hai to main kyon nahi” —– sidharth ne kaha.
Bahut hi painfull tha vo vakt mere liye. mujhe phir se jalil hona pad raha tha.
“Ritu dekho araam se cooperate karo. Tum jab billu ke saath itna kuch kar sakti ho to mere saath tumhe kya problem hai, just see my cock and decide” —- sidharth ne apne ling ko haath mein pakad kar kaha.
Maine apni aankhe band kar li. Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha ki sidharth ko kaise samjhaaun. Vo nashe mein anaap sanaap bake ja raha tha.
“Let me see your pussy now, I want to see why that boy is crazy for you” — sidharth ne kaha.
“Sidharth bas bahut ho gaya, ab chup ho jao aur yaha se chale jao”
sidharth bed par chad gaya aur mujhe jabardasti leta kar mere upar late gaya.
“Bahut nahi huva abhi darling, abhi to saari raat tumhaari chut maarni hai. aaj meri suhaagraat hai. itni jaldi thodi khatam hogi ye raat” — sidharth ne kaha.
Ab paani sar ke upar nikal gaya tha.
Mere bed ke paas meri iron padi thi. maine ushe uthaaya aur sidharth ke sar par de maari. Mujhe bada dukh huve ushe maarte huve par mujhe ye karna pada.
Ushke sar se khun bahne laga aur vo ladkhada kar bed ke paas gir gaya. Mai apne bed par baith gayi aur apni kishmat ko rone lagi. ek paap ki saja mujhe baar baar mil rahi thi. pehle sanjay se mili. Fir vivek se. aur ab sidharth se. upar se vo billu abhi bhi mere peeche pada hai. mai koyi inshaan na ho kar bas ek sharir rah gayi hun.
Mai chupchaap bed par baithi rahi aur meri aankhe rah rah kar chalakti rahi. koyi ek ghante baad sidharth utha aur bola, “ritu….. ohh mai ye kya kar baitha, please mujhe maaf kar do, mai nashe mein tha”
“Sidharth yaha se abhi ke abhi chale jao, mai tumse koyi baat nahi karna chaahti. Tum mein aur vivek mein kya anter rah gaya. Mai tumhaari izzat karti thi. ishliye kishi bhi vakt tumhe ghar aane deti thi. par tum bhi auro ki tarah bas mere sharir ke pyase nikle. Chale jao sidharth…… ab sab kuch khatam ho chuka hai” —– maine sidharth ki aur dekh kar kaha.
“Ohh god mai ye kya kar baitha. Ritu please forgive me. dar-asal mai bardaast nahi kar paaya ki tumne mujhe shaadi ke liye mana kar diya. please forgive me. sab kuch nashe ke kaaran huva hai. hosh mein mai kabhi aisa nahi karta” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“Jo bhi hai sidharth…. par tum ander hi ander mere baare mein kya sochte ho vo aaj baahar aa gaya. Abhi tum jao aur aaj ke baad yaha mat aana. I hate you” —- maine gusse mein kaha.
Sidharth chala gaya aur mai darvaaja band karke apne bed par gir gayi.
Saare fasaad ki jad ye billu hi hai. na vo meri jeendagi mein aata aur na mujhe baar baar jaleel hona padta

 

[Mr.X]

Date : 13-02-09
aaj bahut bura lag raha hai. jab mai shaam ko office se aayi to mujhe apne darvaaje ke neeche phir se manhush billu ki ek chit mili. Ye chit wala ushne acha tareeka dhund liya hai ??
chit mein leekha hai :——
“meri pyari ritu,
aaj se mumbai mein kaam karna shuru kar diya hai. kaam chota hai par jaldi hi kuch bada bhi karunga. abhi bas ek taxi driver ban paaya hun. mere paas sirf b.com ki degree hai. samajh nahi aata ushka main kya karun. Ishliye ish chote se kaam se shuru kar raha hun. vaise kaam koyi chota nahi hota.bas inshaan ki lagan honi chaahiye. par tum ye mat sochna ki mai kuch aur nahi karunga. mai tumhaare pyar ke liye sab kuch karunga. jab se tumne ush din gate way of India par mujhe gale lagaaya hai. mai tumhaara aur jyada deewana ho gaya hun. mai tumhaare liye kuch bhi karne ko taiyaar hun. Mai tumse shaadi karna chaahta hun ritu. Meri umar tumse choti sahi par mai tumse jyada mature hun. jeendagi ne badi jaldi bahut kuch seekha diya hai. mujhe pura yakin hai ki main ek pati ka farz nibha paaunga. Mujhe bas ek moka do ritu mai ek acha pati ban kar dheekhunga. Jo maine tumhaare saath kiya ushki koyi bhi saja mujhe de do. Chaho to abhi goli maar do. Par agar tumhe mere prati jara bhi pyar mahsush ho to meri baat par dhyaan dena. Mai tumhaare liye kuch bhi karunga. bas mujhe ek moka do. Mujhe apna lo ritu. Mera ab tumhaare shiva koyi nahi hai. tum hi meri jeene ki ummeed ho. aaj se taxi chalaani shuru kar di hai. jaldi hi main kuch aur bhi karunga. taxi sirf yaha thoda paanv jamaane ke liye shuru ki hai. mujhe ummeed hai tum meri baat samjhogi”
pata nahi kya matlab hai ish bakwaas ka. Vo aisa soch bhi kaise sakta hai ki mai ush se shaadi karungi. Ya to vo apni aukaat bhool gaya hai ya fir jyada oversmart ban-ne ki koshish kar raha hai.
Date : 14-02-09
Aaj jab main office se nikli to jhat se billu ne apni taxi mere aage laakar khadi kar di aur bola, “ritu please baith jao, mai tumhe ghar chhod dunga ishi bahaane kuch baat bhi kar lenge”
Yaha se dafa ho jao billu, ish ghatiya taxi mein jaane ka mera koyi iraada nahi hai.
Mujhe achi tarah yaad tha ki kaise ek baar ushke riksa mein baithna mujhe bhaari pada tha.
Tabhi meri company ki car aa gayi aur main ush mein baith kar ghar aa gayi.
……….
Raat ke 11 baje hai. maine thodi der pehle baahar jhaank kar dekha to paaya ki ek taxi mere flat ke bilkul saamne khadi hai. achaanak taxi ka gate khula aur billu baahar aa gaya. Maine foran khidki band kar di.
Ab ushke paas taxi hai. vo din raat yaha sadak par maje se taxi laga kar ushmein pada rah sakta hai. samajh nahi aata ki ish billu ka kya karun.
………………….
Date : 15-02-09
Aaj subah mandir gayi. phir vahi naatak huva. Billu jaate vakt to mujhe nahi deekha par jab mai vaapas aa rahi thi to mujhe mandir ke baahar mil gaya.
“Ritu thodi der rukogi…. kuch baat karni hai” — billu ne kaha.
Maine gusse mein ushke gaal par apni pancho ungliya chaap di. Ushka chehra laal ho gaya.
Vo hairaan rah kar meri aur dekhta rah gaya. Maine ek aur haath ghumaaya aur ish baar ushke dusre gaal par thappad rasid kar diya.
“Ab bolo kya baat karni hai, ye tumhaare ush letter ka jawaab hai jo tumne kuch din pehle mere ghar choda tha. agar tum sochte ho ki tum mujhe fir se fansa sakte ho to galat ho. Pyar ki baat karte ho tum. Tum hi the na jo badle ki aag mein mujhe barbaad kar rahe the. Vo bhi tum hi the na jo mujhe ashok ke paas ley gaye the. Ab meri baat dhyaan se shuno. Mujhe tumse nafrat hai. itni nafrat hai ki mai tumhaari shakal tak nahi dekhna chaahti. Yaha se foran dafa ho jao varna police ko bula lungi….ok” —– maine gusse mein jor se kaha
“Ritu acha kiya tumne thappad maar diya. ek aur maar do. Apni galti ke liye mai bhi sharminda hun. maine tumhe ush din clinic mein kaha bhi tha ki main badle ki aag mein andha to ho gaya tha par mujhe kuch nahi mila. mai tumhaara gunahgaar hun aur rahunga. Par aaj main tumhe pyar karta hun ritu. Bahut pyar karta hun. jaisa ki maine pehle bhi kaha hai, ye ahsaash mujhe bahut pehle ho gaya tha jab maine ush cycle wale ko maara tha. aaj main bas apni aankho mein pyar ley kar khada hun. mujhe khud bhi nahi pata ki aisa kyon hai. mai bas tumhe pyar karta hun” —– billu ne kaha
Tabhi vaha kuch log aa gaye aur bole madam koyi takleef hai kya.
Mai bahut gusse mein thi aur maine un logo se kah diya ki ye ladka mujhe ched raha hai. vaise ye sach hi tha. vo jabardasti hi to mere peeche pada tha.
Logo ne ushe maarna shuru kar diya. mai chupchaap aage badh gayi aur ghar aa gayi.
Acha sabak mila hai billu ko aaj. Ab ushki akal jaroor theekane aa jaayegi.
……..
raat ke 11:30 baje hai aur maine abhi abhi baahar jhaank kar dekha. Sakun mila ki billu baahar nahi hai. aaj jaroor vo samajh gaya hoga ki ab ushki mere liye kya aukaat hai.
Date : 16-02-09
Aaj phir ye kamina billu mere ghar mein ek chit chod gaya, leekha hai,
“ meri pyari ritu
mai apne paapo ki saja bhugatne ke liye taiyaar hun. acha kiya tumne mujhe thappad maara aur phir logo se bhi pitva diya. kal sara din sharir dhukta raha. taxi bhi nahi chala paaya. Haan par mujhe tumse koyi shikva ya shikaayat nahi hai. jo paap maine kiye hai, ushki ye bahut choti si saja hai. jo tumhaare saath kiya vo bahut galat tha. ** meri didi ka huva tha. ushmein tumhaara koyi dosh nahi tha. par pata nahi kyon meri akal par pathar pad gaye the jo tumhaare jaisi achi inshaan ko jhansa de kar fansa liya. tabhi sochta hun ki main tumhaare laayak nahi hun. par phir bhi apne pyar se majboor ho kar ek koshish kar raha hun tumhaare laayak ban-ne ki. maine clinic mein kaha tha ki tumhe aaj bhi seduce kar sakta hun. lekin ab tumhaare tevar dekh kar lagta hai ki vo naamumkin hai. acha hi hai. aaj baat vaise bhi pyar ki hai. mai to tumhaare haato se marne ko bhi taiyaar hun. jish din mujh se bahut pareshaan ho jao to bata dena mai khud sar jhuka kar tumhaare aage khada ho jaaunga, jo karna ho kar lena. Main ab bas tumhaara hun. tumhaare liye hi jee raha hun. meri jeendagi ab bas tumhaare haath mein hai. tumse baat ishliye karne ki koshish karta hun kyonki mere paas aur koyi chaara nahi hai. mai har vakt tumse baat karne ke liye tarasta rahta hun. mai har vakt tumhe sochta rahta hun. aur haan tumhe sochne ka matlab ye nahi hai ki mai tumhaare sharir ko soch raha hun. balki mai to tumhaare sharir ke ander chupi tumhaari aatma ko sochta hun. tum bahut shunder ho ish mein koyi shak nahi hai. par maine pehle bhi kaha hai tumhaare sharir se jyada shunder tumhaara man hai. I love you as a person. Not your body. This love has moved beyond your body. Mai aaj tumse sex nahi balki pyar chaahta hun ritu. Ho sake to kabhi araam se baith kar meri baat par dhyaan dena. Aur haan aaj se main tumhe kahin milne nahi aaunga. Mera tumhe chedne ka koyi iraada nahi hai. pyar karta hun. agar mera pyar sacha huva to tum khud ek din mere paas aaogi. Tab tak mai tumhaare saamne bhi nahi aaunga. Haan kabhi kabhi tumse kuch kahna huva to ek letter tumhaare ghar chhod dunga. Please itna mujhe karne dena. Aur mera letter jaroor padhna. Bahut pyar se leekhta hun…… bye……billu”
baate banaani billu ko khub aati hain. koyi bhi ish letter ko padh kar emotional ho jaayega par maine ishe faad kar fenk diya. aisi bahut saari baate mein ush se pehle bhi shun chuki hun. ab vo mujhe hargeez bevkoof nahi bana sakta.

 

[Mr.X]

Date : 22-02-09
11:30 am
Aaj sunday hai, abhi thodi der pehle papa ka phone aaya tha. puch rahe the ki maine sidharth ko shaadi ke liye kyon mana kar diya. shaayad shidharth ne phir se papa se baat ki hogi. aaj majboori mein mujhe papa ko bataana hi pada ki mai sidharth se shaadi nahi kar sakti. maine unhe samjha diya hai ki mai jeendagi ka safar akele taiy karna chaahti hun.
Maine 12 tareek wali baat papa ko bataana theek nahi samjha. Vaise bhi unhe shun kar dukh hi hota.
5:00 pm
abhi thodi der pehle mujhe apne darvaaje ke baahar aahat shunaayi di. Maine turant darvaaje ke paas ja kar dekha to paya ki ek kaagaz ki chit ander sarak rahi hai. main samajh gayi ki ye billu hi hai.
maine turant darvaaja khola aur ushe ushki chit faad kar vaapas de di aur boli, “billu ye naatak band karo. Mere sabar ki bhi koyi sheema hai. main tumhe fir kah rahi hun ki ye sab band karo, varna mai tumhaare khilaaf police complaint karungi. Aaj ke baad main yaha koyi chit nahi dekhna chaahti. Agar tumne dubaara aisa kiya to acha nahi hoga. Ab yaha se dafa ho jao”
Vaise kuch ajeeb kiya aaj billu ne. vo aaj bina kuch kahe chupchaap chala gaya. Ushke chehre par aise bhaav the jaise sach mein mujhe bahut pyar karta hai aur apne letter ke tukde dekh kar dukhi hai. Khair mujhe kya lena dena, vo bhaad mein jaaye. I just hate him.
8:00 pm
abhi abhi dipti se baat karke hati hun. jo mujhe shak tha vo yakin mein badalta ja raha hai.
maine dipti ko kavita ke ** wali kahaani bata di. Shun kar vo boli, “tum har baat der se hi bataati ho. Lagta hai tumhaara ish case mein koyi interest nahi hai. khair manish ne to aisa kuch nahi bataaya. Balki vo to kavita ke baare mein kuch ulta hi kah raha tha”
maine pucha, “kya kah raha tha” ?
dipti boli “kah raha tha ki ushne kishi sunita naam ki nurse se baat ki thi. vo kaafi samay se sanjay ke clinic mein hai. tum bhi shaayad ushe jaanti hogi. vo to yahi kah rahi thi ki kavita ka charitra theek nahi tha. ushne yaha tak bataaya hai ki vo ek call girl thi aur ek bade giroh ka hissa thi. billu bhi ushke ish dhande mein shaamil tha. kavita ki harkato ki vajah se hi sanjay ne ushe clinic se nikaal diya tha. pata nahi sach hai ya nahi. manish ko bhi ish baat par vishvaas to nahi hai. par vo kah raha tha ki sunita bahut vishwaas se ye baat kah rahi thi. khair manish to ish kaam par laga hi huva hai. dekhte hai ki sach kya hai. haan par kuch din key liye ushe ye kaam chhod kar kishi dushre case ke shilshiley mein kolkata jaana pad raha hai.”
maine kaha, “ye sach hi hoga dipti, ye billu bahut dhokebaaz aur makkaar hai. ushki bahan bhi ushke jaisi hi hogi. mujhe sunita ki baat par vishwaas hai, vo bhala jhut kyon bolegi”
mujhe yakin hai ki billu ne mujhe fir se jhansa dene ke liye ye kavita ke ** ki kahaani izaad ki hai. taaki vo apne saare kaarnaame ki safaayi de sake. Ushne jo mere saath kiya ushki koyi safaayi nahi di ja sakti. par vo ish had tak gir jaayega ki apni sister ke ** ki kahaani banaayega maine socha bhi nahi tha. vaise vo hai bhi ek number ka kamina, kuch bhi kar sakta hai.
……………..
Date : 01-03-09
dheere dheere main kaamyaab ho rahi hun. billu ab mere peeche nahi aata hai. main aaj subah mandir gayi thi to vo manhush mujhe kahin nahi deekha. mere flat mein ushne chit daalni bhi band kar di hai. haan par kabhi kabhi vo mere flat ke saamne apni taxi ley kar jaroor khada hota hai. soch rahi hun ki ushe jaa kar sabhi kuch bata dun ki mujhe ushki sister ke baare mein sab kuch pata chal gaya hai. par ushki shakal dekhne ka mera bilkul man nahi hai.
…………
Date : 8-03-09
11:30 pm
Aaj achaanak ek bahut bada surprise mila
aaj Sunday tha aur mai ghar par hi thi. subah subah maine har Sunday ki tarah mandir jaane ka fainsala kiya. Mujhe mandir ja kar ek sakun sa milne laga hai, aisa sakun jishe sabdo mein kahna mushkil hai.
Jab mein mandir se baahar aayi to mujhe saamne se billu aata deekhaayi diya. mujhe dekh kar vo aise chonk gaya jaise ki mai achaanak ushe deekh gayi hun. maine man hi man mein kaha kamina kahin ka. Mujhe pura yakin tha ki vo jaroor mera peecha kar raha hoga.
Mujhe dekh kar vo ruk gaya.
Jab mai ushke paas se gujari to vo bola, “ritu thodi der rukogi, bahut jaroori baat karni hai”
“Ab kaun si kahaani banaaoge billu, mujhe sab pata chal gaya hai kavita ke baare mein, tumne mujhe ushke ** ki jhuti kahaani shunaayi hai, hai na, tumse jyada gira huva inshaan maine aaj tak nahi dekha. Vaise jaise tum ho vaisi hi tumhaari bahan hai. mai soch bhi nahi sakti thi ki vo ek call girl hogi. aur tum bhi ushke ish dhande mein shaamil the. Aur tumne mujhe bhi ek bajaaru aurat bana kar chhod diya. ab har kishi ki mere saath ** karne ki himmat ho rahi hai. sab kuch tumhaare kaaran hai. tum ish duniya par bojh ho. Mera bas chale to abhi tumhe goli maar dun. Tum ush din bach gaye. Jara si bhi sharam baaki ho to yaha se chale jao, varna mai ab kuch bhi kar sakti hun” —- maine gusse mein kaha
maine jo dekha ush par mujhe yakin nahi huva. Billu ne kuch nahi kaha aur apni aankhe band kar li. Maine ushki aankho se aanshu tapakte dekhe. Vo bina meri aur dekhe mandir mein chala gaya.
Ek pal ko mujhe laga ki maine kuch jyada hi bol diya. par phir ye bhi laga ki sach bolne mein kya dikkat hai. agar mai galat kah rahi thi to vo khud mujhe jawaab deta. Par ushne kuch nahi kaha. Ishka matlab vo jaanta tha ki mai theek kah rahi hun.
Khair mai seedhi ghar aa gayi.
Ghar aate hi sidharth ka phone aaya.
“Ritu mai tumse milna chaahta hun. ush din ki harkat ke liye sharminda hun, please forgive me mai nashe mein bahak gaya tha. mujhe maaf kar do” —– sidharth ne kaha.
“Mai ish baare mein koyi baat nahi karna chaahti sidharth aur abhi vaise bhi mera mood bahut khraab hai, baad mein baat karenge, aur haan yaha dubaara aane ki himmat mat karna. bahut ho gaya meri jeendagi se majaak. Ab main kuch bardaast nahi karungi… bye” —– maine gusse mein kaha.
…………….
Aur phir mujhe ek surprise mila.
shaam ke koyi 6 baje mere ghar ki bell baji. Mai chonk gayi ki ab kaun aa gaya. Sidharth ko to maine aane ke liye mana kiya hai, fir ye kaun ho sakta hai.
Maine darvaaja khola aur baahar dekhte hi meri aankhe khuli ki khuli rah gayi.
Mere saamne sanjay khada tha. vahi sanjay jishne ek baar bhi mera phone tak nahi uthaaya tha.
“Dekh kya rahi ho, kya ander nahi bulaaogi, kabhi tumhaara pati tha main, kya itni jaldi bhool gayi” — sanjay ne kaha.
“nahi sanjay aisa nahi hai, main bas tumhe yaha dekh kar hairaan hun” —- maine kaha.
“Hona bhi chaahiye, mai tumse milne kabhi nahi aata par pata nahi kyon mere kadam khud-b-khud ish aur kheenche chale aaye” sanjay ne kaha.
Ye kah kar sanjay ander aa gaya aur pure ghar ko dekhne laga or bola, “acha bada ghar hai, kaafi tarakki kar li hai tumne. Tum jaroor khus hogi ye sab paa kar, hai na. Par tumne mujhe barbaad kar diya”
“Sanjay please ab phir se vahi baate mat karo, main khud bahut pareshaan hun. ruko mai kuch peene ko laati hun” —- maine kaha aur kah kar kitchen mein cold drink lene chali gayi.
“mujhe pata chala hai ki vo billu yahi hai, kya abhi bhi tum ushke saath aiyaashi kar rahi ho” —- sanjay ne pucha.
“Sanjay please aisa mat kaho, mai apni galti ki saja bhugat chuki hun. ab baar baar mujhe jaleel mat karo” — maine kaha.
“Main ush haraami ko jeenda nahi chhodunga” — sanjay ne gusse mein kaha.
“Sanjay agar bura na mano to ek baat punchu” —- maine kaha.
“Vaise tumhe kuch puchne ka adhikaar nahi hai, par phir bhi pucho kya puchna hai” —- sanjay ne kaha.
Maine pucha, “ kavita kaha hai sanjay”
“Dekho ushe maine nikaal diya tha. badi bachallan ladki thi vo. She was part of prostitution racket” — sanjay ne kaha
“par tumne ek baar kaha tha ki vo kaam chhod kar chali gayi” —– maine pucha.
“Haan to… itni gandi baat tumhe kaise bataata. Aaj baat dushri hai, tum khud itna gir chuki ho, tumhe ye ganda sach bataaya ja sakta hai” —- sanjay ne kaha.
Samajh nahi aa raha tha ki sanjay ko kya jawaab dun. Vaise vo sach hi kah raha tha. dukh bas ish baat ka tha ki ek paap ki saja mujhe baar baar di ja rahi thi.
“Ritu mera ek kaam karo” — sanjay ne kaha
“kya bataao sanjay, mujhe khusi hogi tumhaare liye kuch bhi karne mein” —- maine kaha.
“Kya tumhe pata hai vo billu kaha milega” —– sanjay ne kaha.
“Sanjay chhodo ushe, ab ush se tumhe kya lena dena. Mai bhi ush se baat nahi karti hun. mujhe nahi pata vo kaha rahta hai” —– maine kaha
“ritu tumhe sab pata hai, mujhe bataana nahi chaahti.vo tumhaara pakka yaar hai….hai na” — sanjay ne kaha.
“Sanjay aisi baat nahi hai please,….. maine apni galti khud swikaar ki thi aur main ab ush se bilkul koyi bhi baat nahi karti hun. haan vo kabhi kabhi mere ghar ke saamne apni taxi ley Kar khada hota hai. par mera yakin karo mera ush se ab koyi sambandh nahi hai.” —- maine kaha.
“Abhi hai kya vo baahar dekho to” —— sanjay ne pucha.
Badi ajeeb baat thi. jaise hi maine khidki khol kar dekha mujhe billu ki taxi deekhayi di. Vo taxi mein baitha tha. maine dekha ki vo kuch leekh raha tha. mujhe yakin tha ki aaj subah ki jhaad ke baad vo yaha nahi aayega par vo phir se taxi ley kar mere ghar ke baahar khada tha.
Maine dekha ki vo gate khol kar baahar aa gaya.
Maine sanjay se kaha, “haan ushki taxi khadi hai”
Maine phir se jhaank kar dekha to paaya ki vo apne haath mein kaagaz ka ek tukda ley kar mere flat ki taraf aa raha hai.
“kya kar raha hai vo” —- sanjay ne pucha
“Sanjay vo yahi ghar ki taraf aa raha hai” —– maine kaha.
“Dekha mai kahta tha na vo tera pakka yaar hai, abhi bhi tumhaara chakkar chal raha hai, mujhe jhut bol rahi thi ki mai ush se baat nahi karti” —– sanjay ne kaha.
“Sanjay ye sach hai ki main ush se baat nahi karti. Vahi mere peeche pada hai. aksar mere ghar mein ek chit daal jaata hai. abhi bhi vahi daalne aa raha hai shaayad. Mera yakin karo mera ush se ab koyi sambandh nahi hai” —- maine kaha
“aane do ushe aaj mai ushki yahi laash beecha dunga, tum aisa karo ushe ander bula lo” sanjay ne kaha
ye kah kar jaane kaha se sanjay ne ek bandook nikaal li
“Kya ?? ye kya kah rahe ho, nahi mujh se ye nahi hoga. Ushe yaha kyon bulaana chaahte ho” —— maine pucha.
“Ush se kuch puraana hisaab chukta karna hai ritu, tumhe nahi lagta ki jishne hamaare ghar ko barbaad kiya ushe saja milni chaahiye” —- sanjay ne kaha.
“Sanjay in sab baato se kya haansil hoga mai ab ush se baat nahi karti hun. mujhe ush se sakht nafrat hai. mai ushe yaha nahi bula sakti” —- maine kaha.
“Tumhe bulaana padega ritu. Agar tum vaakayi mein
Ush se nafrat karti ho to ushe yaha bulaao mai ushe tumhaari aankho ke aage maarunga. Aur tum kishi baat ki chinta mat karo. Tumhaare upar koyi baat nahi aayegi. Ushki laash main theekane laga dunga… ab ushe bulaao….meri khaatir bulaao”
Mujhe samajh nahi aa raha tha ki kya karun.
Maine pucha, “sanjay kya ye sab karna jaroori hai”
“Haan jaroori hai, agar vo bach gaya to umar bhar pareshaan karega. Mai kitchen mein chup raha hun. ushe ander bula lena. Phir mai sambhaal lunga…ok”
sanjay kitchen mein chala gaya. Ushke jaate hi mujhe apne door ke neeche se ek chit sarakti huyi deekhaayi di.
Maine turant darvaaja khola aur ushki aur dekha.
Ek pal ko vakt jaise tahar gaya
Maine ushki aur dekha aur hamaari aankhe ek pal ko takraayi. Ushke chehre par ek dard bhari halki si mushkaan ubhar aayi. Phir maine dhyaan se dekha to paya ki ushki aankhe nam thi. Mai ushe aisi haalat mein dekh kar kuch nahi kah paayi.
Mujhe samajh nahi aa raha tha ki kya karun. Kya mai ushe marne ke liye ander bula lun. Ushne mere liye cycle wale ko maara tha. ushne ush din jangal mein time par aa kar mera ** hone se bhi bachaaya tha.
Man mein yahi vichaar aaya ki billu ko yaha se jaane do ritu. Ye khun kharaba theek nahi hai. mujhe vaise bhi ab billu se kya matlab.
Billu ki aankho ke aanshu mujh par kuch ajeeb sa asar kar rahe the. Pata nahi vo kyon ro raha tha.
Vo mud kar bina kuch kahe chala gaya aur maine darvaaja band kar liya.
Tabhi sanjay kitchen se baahar aa gaya.
Sanjay ne mere gaal par ek jor se thappad rasid kar diya. thappad itni jor ka tha ki mai ladkhada kar gir gayi
“Ye kya kiya haraamzaadi , tune ushe ander kyon nahi bulaaya, dikha diya na tune apna rang. Kya lagta hai vo tera jo tu hamesha mujhe dhoka deti hai. Aaj ushka kaam tamaam, karne ka acha moka tha” —- sanjay ne cheella kar kaha.
“Sanjay mujhe ush se koyi matlab nahi hai, mai ushe yaha nahi ghussne dena chaahti thi” —- maine kaha
sanjay ne mere gaal par ek aur thappad maara aur kaha, “jhut bolti hai saali. marna to ushe hai hi, yaha nahi to kahin aur marega”
ye kah kar sanjay darvaaja khol kar baahar chala gaya.
Kuch der tak mai yu hi padi rahi.
Koyi 15 minut baad maine baahar dekha to paya ki billu ki taxi abhi bhi baahar sadak par khadi thi. par billu kahin nahi deekh raha tha.
Maine dekha ki billu ki chit abhi bhi darvaaje ke paas padi thi. maine ushe faadne key liye haath mein utha liya. par tabhi meri aankho ke saamne billu ki vo dard bhari mushkaan aa gayi. main chaah kar bhi vo letter faad nahi paayi. maine letter bina padhe apni diary mein rakh diya.

 

[Mr.X]

Date : 22-03-09
7:00 pm
Abhi abhi dipti ka phone aaya tha. ushne kuch aisa bataaya hai ki ush ki baat shun kar dil dahal gaya hai aur aankhe nam ho gayin hain
“ arey ritu news dekh rahi ho ki nahi”
Maine pucha, “kyon kya baat hai” ?.
“Arey dekho to sahi tumhaara faridabad wala ghar live aa raha hai. tumhaare ghar ke peeche kavita ki laash mili hai. laash kankaal ban chuki hai. bahut hi khaufnaak nazaara hai” — dipti ne kaha
“ohh my god, kavita ki laash mere ghar ke peeche” —- maine kaha
“haan, ek baat aur shuno, manish ko sanjay ke clinic se ek pen drive mili hai. ush mein kavita ke ** ki puri video hai, vo video bhi manish ne media ko de di hai. ushe bhi dhundala karke deekhaaya ja raha. chaaro logo ke chehre saaf deekh rahe hain. Billu theek kah raha tha ritu, kavita ka bahut brutal ** huva tha”
“Kya ? ye tumhe kab pata chala” — maine pucha
“Pen drive to koyi ek hafte pehle mil gayi thi. manish ne mujhe bata bhi diya tha par aaj kavita ki laash mili hai”
“ohh god tum mujhe aaj bata rahi ho” —- maine kaha
mai bhaag kar apni khidki mein gayi aur baahar dekha
baahar billu ki taxi khadi thi par ush mein koyi nahi tha
“yaar mujhe laga tumhaara ish sab mein koyi interest nahi hai” dipti ne kaha
“aur vo jo sunita ne bataaya tha vo kya tha dipti” —- maine pucha.
“Vo jhut bol rahi thi ritu, dar-asal sunita ye afvaah sanjay ke kahne par uda rahi thi. maine to bataaya bhi tha tumhe ki manish ko khud ushki baat par yakin nahin hai” —- dipti ne kaha.
“Ohh god,….. dipti, maine billu ko na jaane kya-kya bol diya” — maine kaha
tab achaanak mujhe dhayaan aaya ki peechle 2 hafte se billu mujhe kahin nahi deekha. Na hi 2 hafte se ushki koyi chit ghar mein mili. Haan ushki taxi abhi bhi vahin ki vahin khadi hai.
maine dipti ka phone kaat diya
maine tv on kar ke dekha to sabhi channels par kavita ka kankaal deekhaaya ja raha tha. sach mein bahut khaufnaak najaara tha. news mein bataaya ja raha tha ki forensic report ke mutaabik kavita ko jeenda hi dafna diya gaya tha.
dipti ka phir se phone aa gaya
“manish ne media ko ish sab mein involve karke acha kiya na ritu. Ab mujrimo ko saja mil sakegi. Ab ye case media sambhaal legi. Manish bata raha tha ki sanjay ke saath saath baaki ke teen logo ko giraftaar kar liya gaya hai. par yaar media wale kavita ke bhai ke baare mein puch rahein hain. Kya billu abhi bhi vahin hai” —- dipti ne kaha
“mujhe nahi pata dipti, peechle 2 hafte se maine ushe nahi dekha. Haan ushki taxi yaha jaroor khadi hai” — maine kaha
mera dil bahut bhaari ho raha tha. main badi mushkil se dipti se baat kar paa rahi thi.
aakhri baar maine billu ko 8-03-09 ko dekha tha. ushki vo dard bhari halki si mushkaan aur aankho ki nami mujhe abhi tak yaad hai. ush din billu ke jaane ke baad sanjay bhi ushke peeche peeche gaya tha.
kahin sanjay ne to ushke saath kuch aisa vaisa nahi kar diya. vo kah to raha tha ki, “marna to ushe hai hi, yaha nahi to kahin aur marega”
tabhi mujhe yaad aaya ki maine ush din ushki chit apni diary mein rakhi thi.
maine vo chit nikaali aur ushe padhne lagi
ushmein leekha tha :——-
“ meri pyari ritu.
Tum maano ya na maano. Mai tumhe bahut pyar karta hun. mujhe khud bhi nahi pata ki aisa kyon hai. haan bas ek ahsaash hai ki tumhaare bina jee nahi sakta. tum meri jeendagi ho ritu. main bas tumhe paane ki ek koshish kar raha tha. kya karun apne dil ke haatho majboor tha. par main ye baat bhul raha tha ki tum mujhe kabhi maaf nahi kar paaogi. Karogi bhi kyon. ** meri didi ka huva tha,tumhaari ish mein kya galti thi. aur haan ritu maine pehle jaroor kahaani banaayi hai, bahut jhut boley hai. itne jhut boley hai ki aaj tumhaara vishwaas kho chuka hun. par maine apni didi ke ** ki kahaani nahi banaayi. Haan mere paas koyi saboot nahi hai. tabhi to bina saboot ke kuch kar nahi paaya. Aur didi ka ab tak kuch pata nahin ki kaha hai, jo aakar khud sach bata sakein. to tum kuch bhi soch sakti ho. Aaj lagta hai ki main haar gaya. Koshish bahut kar raha tha tumhe apna pyar deekhaane ki par….. chalo chhodo.. aur kuch nahi leekha ja raha. dil bhaari ho raha hai aur aankhe bhar aayi hai. vaise pata nahi tum padhogi bhi ya nahi. but I will love you forever. Kabhi meri yaad aaye to yahi mat sochna ki maine tumhe barbaad kiya tha. ho sake to ek baar ye bhi sochna ki maine tumhe pyar bhi kiya tha. main jhuta inshaan sahi par mera pyar sacha hai.…… billu”
Ye letter padhte padhte meri aankho se aanshu tapak rahe the aur letter ki leekhaavat ko dhundala kar rahe the.
Mujhe ye samajh nahi aa raha tha ki aakhir billu ke dil mein pyar ka phool kaise khil sakta hai. par jo bhi ho ushka pyar ab mujhe meri aatma tak mahsush ho raha hai.
Date : 29-03-09
Aaj ek hafta ho gaya kavita ki laash ko mile par billu ka kuch ata pata nahi. aisa kaise ho gaya ki vo apni sister ki laash tak dekhne nahin aaya.
Pura hafta meri najre billu ko dhundati rahi. roj subah office jaate vakt aur shaam ko office se aate vakt main billu ki taxi ko dekhti hun. vo 8-03-09 se vaisi ki vaisi ek hi jagah khadi hai.
Shaam ko ghar aate hi darvaaje ke aas paas dekhti hun ki kahin billu ne koyi chit to nahi chhodi par mujhe kuch nahi milta.
Ek baar vo apni didi ka antim shanskaar kar deta to acha hota. Mere man se ek bojh hat jaata. Aaj phir se bahut dukh ho raha hai ki maine bina soche samjhe ush din mandir ke baahar pata nahin billu ko ushki didi ke baare mein kya kya bol diya.
Aaj subah mandir jaate vakt meri aankhe billu ko dhund rahi thi. Pata nahin billu se kya rista ban gaya hai mera. Vo hota hai to main chaahti hun ki vo dafa ho jaaye. Vo nahi hota to kuch na kuch aisey haalaat ho jaate hai ki meri nazre bas ushe hi dhundati hain
Har pal yahi lagta hai ki abhi kahin se billu aayega aur kahega “ritu ruko tumse kuch jaroori baat karni hai”
Jab bhi apne ghar mein ghusti hun to man yahi sochta hai ki mujhe abhi ek chit milegi jish mein leekha hoga, “meri pyari ritu” aur main pura letter pyar se padhungi.
Par aisa kuch nahi ho raha. pata nahi billu kaha chala gaya.
Mandir se aate vakt maine ushki taxi mein jhaank kar dekha to mujhe ek diary aur gift pack deekha
Maine ek pathar uthaaya aur gaadi ka sheesa tod diya aur diary aur vo gift pack baahar nikaal liya.
Mai apne ghar ke ander aa gayi aur bedroom mein baith kar ushki diary padhne lagi.
Ushmein leekha tha :——-
Jabse hosh aaya hai mai bas ritu ke liye hi tadap raha hun. pata nahi kish janam ka rista hai mera ush se. jaroor koyi janmo ka rista hai varna ye pyar hona mushkil tha.
Mai to ritu ke jariye sanjay ko barbaad karne gaya tha par apna dil kho baitha. Acha hi huva. Jabse ritu se pyar huva hai, tab se ye ahsaash huva hai ki badla lene se kuch haansil nahi hota. Sanjay ko barbaad karne ke chakkar mein maine ritu jaisi ek achi inshaan ki jeendagi barbaad kar di. Mujhe kya mila ? kuch nahi. na meri didi ko insaaf mila, na meri didi ka kuch pata chala.
Ab ek koshish karta hun apne pyar ko paane ki. maine ritu ki aankho mein apne liye pyar dekha hai. mujhe ummeed hai ki main ek na ek din apne pyar ko paa lunga. Baaki ish kishmat ka kuch pata nahin. Main bas ek ummeed hi rakh sakta hun.

 

[Mr.X]

Date : 12-02-09
Aaj taxi ka intezaam ho gaya hai. kal se chalaana shuru kar dunga. Pata nahi kuch ban paaunga ya nahi par ek shuruvaat to kar hi di hai. mere aur ritu ke beech mein bahut saari rukaavte hai.
Sabse pehli rukaavat hai, ritu ke man mein mere liye nafrat. Ush nafrat ko dur karna hoga. Koshish kar raha hun. dekhte hain kya hota hai
sabse badi rukaavat hai mera status. Mere paas kuch nahi hai ritu ko dene ko. Mujhe bahut mehnat karni hogi. agar pati ka farz nibhaana hai to mujhe kuch ban-na padega. chalo taxi se start karta hun. jaldi hi mumbai mein paanv jamaane ke baad kuch bada kaam bhi karunga.
Date : 13-02-09
Aaj ritu ke ghar mein ek letter chhod diya hai. maine ushmein ritu ko leekh diya hai ki main ush se shaadi karna chaahta hun. dekhte hai vo ish baat ko kaise leti hai.
Soch raha hun IT field mein kuch seekh lun. Maine delhi mein ish baare mein dhyaan hi nahi diya. varna aaj IT field mein kaam kar raha hota. Computer ke basics to mujhe pata hai, bas high tech skill seekhne ki jaroorat hai. roj 1-2 ghanta nikaal kar ye kaam bhi kar sakta hun. vakt kam hai. mujhe jald se jald ritu ke laayak ban-na hai. vo assisstant manager hai aur mai taxi driver vo bhala kaise mujh se shaadi ke baare mein sochegi. Philhaal to bas pyar ka hi sahaara hai. shaayad ushe meri aankho mein pyar nazar aa jaaye. Par phir bhi mujhe jald se jald kuch ban-na hoga. Baat ritu ki hi nahi hai. hamaara ek bacha bhi hai, chintoo. Mai chintoo ko bahut pyar dunga. Soch raha hun ki, bas chintoo ko hi rakhenge. Aur bacho ki kya jaroorat hai. hum dono ke liye ek bacha kaafi hai.
Date : 8-03-09
Kuch banta nazar nahi aa raha. ritu ke man mein mere liye nafrat jyon ki tyon hai. aaj mandir ke baahar ritu ne kuch aisa kah diya ki dil tut kar beekhar gaya hai. Ek ek tukda kaha jaa kar gira hai, pata nahi.
Par main ritu se bilkul naraaz nahin hun. apni jeendagi se bhala koyi naraaz hota hai. ushe mujhe kuch bhi kahne ka haq hai. vo meri jaan jo hai. par lagta hai mujhe apni jeendagi se dur rahna padega. main ritu ko aur jyada pareshaan nahi kar sakta. aise pyar ka kya faayda jo kishi ko pareshaan kare.
Vaise bhi itni jaldi mai kaha kuch ban paata. Aur phir ye status aur class ka chakkar to abhi baaki hai. mai jaanbujh kar haari huyi baaji khel raha tha. kal delhi jaane ki ticket book kara li hai. dukhi man se mujhe yaha se ab jaana hi hoga.
Vaise bhi na ritu se baat hoti hai. baat karne jaata hun to vo pareshaan hoti hai. ab letter daalna bhi ushne band karva rakha hai. main kaise ushka dil jeetunga. Mujhe yaha se chale jaana chaahiye.
Mere paapo ki yahi saja hai ki mai apne pyar ke liye tadap tadap kar marun……..
……………
billu ki diary padhte padhte meri aankhe nam ho gayi. ushka har ek shabd maano mere dil tak pahunch raha tha aur puch raha tha, “ritu do you love me”
maine diary ko maathe se laga liya. ush mein vo pyar tha, jo maine ab tak apni jeendagi mein nahi dekha tha.
tabhi meri nazar gift pack par gayi aur main ushe kholne lagi.
ushmein ek laal rang ki saree thi. jaise kishi dulhan ke liye ho. Diary mein ushke baare mein kuch nahi leekha tha. par main jaanti hun ki vo ye saree mere liye hi laaya hoga. Maine ush saree ko gale se laga liya.
maine bhagvaan se pucha, “hey bhagvaan agar aapko mujhe aur billu ko pyar ke bandhan mein baandhna tha to hamein itne lambe raste se kyon ghumaaya. Aur ab jab ye pyar ka phool khil gaya hai to ab billu kaha hai” ???
ye kuch aise sawaal the jinka mere paas koyi jawaab nahi hai aur shaayad na hi kabhi honge.
Date : 22-06-09
Aaj pure 3 mahine ho gaye kavita ki laash ko mile. Ushka antim sanskaar bhi ho chuka hai, par billu ka kuch nahi pata. Peechle hafte main khud kavita ke antim sanskaar mein shaamil hone ke liye delhi gayi thi. bahut wait kiya billu ka par aakhir mein thak haar kar kavita ka antim sanskaar karna hi pada.
Faridabad ja kar main jail mein sanjay se bhi milkar aayi hun.
Maine pucha, “billu kaha hai sanjay”
“Ushke hazaar tukde karke maine mumbai ke naalon mein baha diye hai, jao jaa kar chun lo, kuttiya kahin ki..hehehe..” —– sanjay ne hanste huve kaha.
Ishke alaawa main sanjay se kuch aur baat nahi kar paayi. Maine paap kiya tha to mujhe ahsaash tha ki maine galat kiya par sanjay ko apni galti ka koyi afsosh nahi hai. yahi shaayad hamaare samaaj ki sabse badi kamzori hai. aadmi hazaar paap karke bhi sheena choda karke ghum sakta hai, par aurat ki ek galti bhi ush par bahut bhaari padti hai aur shaari umar ushe nazre jhuka kar chalna padta hai.
Aaj mai ummeed kho chuki hun.
Ek pyar ka phool jo bas kheelne hi laga tha, murjha gaya. billu ke saath meri jo ek hansin jeendagi ho sakti thi, hone se pehle hi kho gayi. mujhe billu ko ye kahne ka moka bhi nahi mila ki “I love you too”.
Jab vo shaamne tha to main har pal ushe koshti rahti thi. aaj jab vo paas nahi hai to main ushke liye taras rahin hun. kaash vo kahin se aa jaaye to main apna dil ushke aage chir kar rakh dungi aur kahungi ki dekho tumhaara pyar kaha tak pahunch gaya hai. Main ushe kahungi ki tum vaakayi mein mere sharir se meri aatma tak pahunch gaye ho. Par ab kya ho sakta hai. ye baate ab bas sochi ja sakti hain. Jishe ye sab kahna tha, vo to na jaane kahan hai. ish diniya mein hai bhi ya nahi, ye bhi nahi pata.
Pata nahi ish sab ke liye kaun zimmedaar hai. bahut hi ajeeb khel khela hai ish jeendagi ne mere saath.
“Pyar kya hai mujhe nahi pata. Mujhe bas itna pata hai ki meri nazre ush inshaan ko dhund rahin hai, jishne mujhe barbaad kiya tha. kaash vo kahin se phir se aa jaaye aur main dil khol kar ushe kah sakun ki maine tumhe maaf kar diya, please ab mere paas raho aur ush pyar ke ahsaash mein mujhe dubo do jishmein tum khud dube huve ho”
Love is very special feeling. It happened to me in a very strange situation. But I welcome this gift of god in my life. I will cherish this love through out my life.
Ab shaayad billu ish duniya mein nahi hai, par kya huva ushka pyar hamesha mere saath rahega.
Hey bhagvaan billu ko maaf karna, for I have forgiven him. He is now my love. vo jahan bhi ho Ushka khyaal rakhna.
Aaj ye diary yahin band kar rahin hun. ab kuch aur leekhne ki himmat nahin hai aur vaise bhi kuch aur leekhne ko bacha bhi nahi hai.
——————
Date : 9-08-09
Aaj ye diary padhi. padh kar meri aankhe nam ho gayi hain.
Ritu ne mujh se ye diary chupa kar rakhi thi. aaj se main ishmein leekhna shuru kar raha hun.
“jatin ushe mat padhna tumhe dukh hoga aur main apne pati ko dukh nahi dena chaahti, vaise tumhe sab kuch pata hi hai” —– ritu ne mujh se kaha
main samajh sakta hun ki vo kyon nahi chaahti thi ki main ye diary na padhun.
shaadi se pehle ritu ne kaha tha, “jatin mujhe ek moka dena. Tumhaare liye main kuch bhi karungi. Mujhe nahi pata ki main ek patni ka farz nibha paaungi ya nahi par jab baat tumhaari hai to main kuch bhi kar jaaungi. I love you”
jab se ritu se shaadi huyi hai jeendagi khil uthi hai. hamaari shaadi ko lagbagh ek mahina ho gaya hai. par hum abhi normal husband wife ki tarah karib nahi aa paaye hain. Ritu puraani baate nahi bhula paayi hai. haan mujh se pyar bahut karti hai
abhi thodi der pehle baathroom se naha kar nikli to sharmaate huve bhaag kar bedroom mein ghuss gayi. vo hamesha concious rahti hai ki main ushe dekh raha hun.
par jab vo bathroom se nikli thi to maine khud apni nazre ghuma li thi. main ushe pura time de raha hun. mujhe ushka sharir paane ki koyi jaldi nahin hai.
vaise bhi ye jism ki baat nahi hai balki ushke dil tak pahunchna hai, lambi duri taiy karne mein vakt to lagta hai. ye Jagjit Singh ki gazal bilkul meri situation par bani lagti hai.
jo bhi ho ritu ke saath ek chhat ke neeche rahne ka bahut pyara ahsaash hai. she is very beautiful women. Lets see how our marriage life moves forward. Looking forwad for a day when I will have her in my arms and I will say to her while looking into her eyes “ritu you are the most beautiful women and I am proud to have you in my life”
lekin abhi vo sharmaati itna hai ki dur dur rahti hai. dekhte hai kab tak mere pyar se dur rahegi.
Date : 9-08-09
3:00 pm
Aaj Sunday hai aur hum dono ghar par hi hain. Abhi abhi lunch kiya hai. ritu bahut acha khaana banaati hai. dar lagta hai ki kahin main kha kha kar mota na ho jaaun. Par vo itne pyar se daal daal kar deti hai ki main khaata chala jaata hun.
Aaj ritu ne bahut saare item banaaye the, jishke kaaran bahut thak gayi thi, ishliye bedroom mein jaa kar sho gayi. mujhe kah rahi thi ki bas yu hi late rahin hun. par abhi maine dekha to paya ki vo shoyi huyi hai.
pehli baar aaj ushe shote huve dekha hai. nahi to vo raat ko to alag shoti hi hai, dopahar ko bhi apne bedroom ki kundi laga kar shoti hai. aaj galti se kundi khuli rah gayi shaayad, kyonki ushe pata hi nahi hoga ki neend aa jaayegi
Jo bhi hai mujhe ushe shote huve dekhna bahut acha lag raha hai. bilkul ek maasum bache ki tarah paanv sikod kar sho rahi hai. ushe bilkul hosh nahi hai ki main ushke saamne baitha hun varna abhi uth jaati. main chupchaap ushke saamne kursi par baith kar ye diary leekh raha hun. ushke karib hone ka bahut pyara ahsaash ho raha hai mujhe
Mujhe bilkul nahi pata ki pyar kya hai. mere liye ish shabd ko define karna bahut mushkil kaam hai. meri jeendagi mein ye bahut ajeeb haalaat mein aaya hai. haan log kahte hain ki pyar ka dushra naam bhagvaan hai. pata nahi ki log ish baat par vishwaas karte hai ya nahi, haan par mujhe pura yakin hai ki bhagvaan ka dushra naam ritu hai. vahi mera sab kuch hai, vahi mere liye bhagvaan hai aur hamesha rahegi.
8 march ko mumbai se bahut dukhi man se gaya tha. pata nahi tha ki vaapis aaunga ya nahi. mujhe lagne laga tha ki main bevajah ritu par apna pyar thop raha hun. pehle ush par apni havash thopi thi ab pyar bhi thopunga to pyar aur havash mein kya anter rah jaayega.
Mumbai vaapis aane ka socha nahi tha, par ritu ko ek baar dekhne ke liye main phir se mumbai kheencha chala aaya. 28 june ko shaam ke koyi 5 baje main mumbai pahunch gaya.
mumbai mein paanv rakhte hi mere tan badan mein ek ajeeb si bechaini hone lagi. jald se jald ritu ko dekhna chaahta tha. par main dubaara ritu ko koyi pareshaani bhi nahi dena chaahta tha. ishliye soch raha tha ki kaise ushe bina pareshaan kiye ek baar dekha jaaye.
Main ritu ke ghar ke saamne pahunch gaya. Thodi der tak ritu ki khidki ko dekhta raha. dil bas ritu ko ek baar dekhne ke liye taras raha tha. main soch raha tha ki pata nahi kaisi hogi meri ritu. ek ghanta ho gaya. Ritu khidki mein nahi aayi. Maine socha chalo gate way of India par ghum aata hun. baad mein try karunga. kya pata vo kahin gayi huyi ho.
Main gate way of India pahunch kar ushi jagah khada ho gaya jahaan main ritu ke gale lag kar behosh huva tha.
ush pal ko main kabhi nahi bhula paaya. balki vo ahsaash abhi tak mere saath hai. ritu se shaadi ho chuki hai, par abhi tak hum gale bhi nahi mile hain. Bahut saare kaaran hain ish baat ke.
Khair main ushi ahsaash ko dubaara paana chaahta tha, ishliye vaha jhuk kar maine ush jamin ko chum liya jahaan ritu khadi huyi thi.
jee haan, pyar aapse bahut kuch ajeeb karva deta hai. sabhi log dekh rahe the ki main kya kar raha hun. par mujhe logo se koyi matlab nahi tha. mujhe to ush ahsaash ko dubaara jeena tha. aur phir main khada ho kar samunder ki taraf ghum kar bilkul vaise hi khada ho gaya jaise ush din khada tha. bilkul ushi din ki tarah main samunder ko dekhte dekhte ushki vishaalta mein kho gaya.
Vakt jaise khud ko dohra raha tha. mujhe bilkul yakin nahi tha ki bhagvaan mujhe ritu se bilkul ushi din ki tarah milvaayenge.
Main to samunder mein kho chuka tha, achaanak mujhe mere peeche se awaaj aayi
“Tum khud ko samajhte kya ho, billu”
main jhat se ghum gaya aur maine jo dekha ush par vishwaas karna mushkil tha.
ritu ek chote bache ki tarah aankho mein aanshu ley kar mere saamne khadi thi. aisa lag raha tha jaise ki kishi bache ka khilona kho gaya ho aur vo ushke liye ro raha ho.
Main itna hairaan tha ki kuch nahi kah paaya bas aankhe phaad kar ritu ko dekhta raha.
“Kahaan chale gaye the tum” —- ritu ne rote huve pucha.
Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha ki kya karun. Maine kabhi ritu ko aisi haalat mein nahi dekha tha
Maine ritu ke kandhe ki aur haath badhaaya aur kaha, “ritu please chup ho jao”
Phir kuch ish tareeke se ritu ne apne pyar ka izhaar kiya ki meri aankhe bhar aayi.
“Mujhe chune ki koshish bhi mat karna, tumhe pyar karne ka ye matlab nahi hai ki tum mere sharir se kheloge” ritu ne kaha… aur kah kar peeche ki aur hat gayi.
“nahin ritu tum mujhe galat samajh rahi ho, main tumhaare sharir ka bhuka nahin hun, vo billu jo tumhaare sharir ka bhuka tha kab ka mar chuka hai, aaj tumhaare saamne jo khada hai vo jatin hai. main to bas tumhe chup karaane ki koshish kar raha tha. dekho chup ho jao, log hamein hi dekh rahe hain” — maine bhaavuk ho kar kaha.
“Tum mere flat ke saamne se mujh se miley bina nikal gaye, tumhe sharam nahi aayi, kaisa pyar hai tumhaara” — ritu ne kaha.
“Nahin ritu aisi baat nahi hai, main to tumhaare ghar ke saamne ek ghanta khada raha tha. tum khidki mein nahi deekhi to thodi der yaha ghumne chala aaya. Ush din ki yaad taaja kar raha tha jish din tumne mujhe gale lagaaya tha. main abhi thodi der mein vaapis aane wala tha” —- maine ritu ki aankho mein dekh kar kaha.
“Sach bol rahe ho” — ritu ne apni aankho se aanshu punchte huve kaha.
Ritu ke chehre par pyari si maasumiyat thi
“Haan ritu main yaha tumhaare liye hi to aaya hun, varna yaha mera aur kaun hai” — maine kaha.
Ritu thodi shaant huyi aur boli, “main jab khidki mein aayi to tumhe bas jaate huve dekha. Tumhe nahi pata ki mere dil par kya beeti, bhaag kar aayi hun main yaha”
“Ritu mujhe yakin nahi tha ki tum mujhe itne pyar se milogi, main to bas tumhe ek baar dekhne aaya tha, do you love me” ? —– maine pucha.
“Billu pehle tum ye bataao ki tum the kahaan, kavita ko dekhne bhi nahi aaye, kya meri baat itni buri lag gayi thi. mera to chalo kuch nahi par kavita ?? kaise bhul gaye apni didi ko tum. Tumhaara bahut intzar kiya,tum nahi aaye to tumhaare bina hi kavita ka antim sanskaar karna pada. Kyon kiya ye sab ?” —– ritu ne bhaavuk ho kar pucha.
“Ritu sab kuch bataata hun, par mujhe billu mat kaho. billu ab mar chuka hai. Mera naam jatin hai. sharam aati hai mujhe tumhaare muh se billu shun kar. Tum meri baat samajh sakti ho… hain na” — maine kaha.
“Mujhe pata hai tumhaara naam jatin hai, maine tumhaari puri inquary karva rakhi hai, acha naam hai. tumhe pata hai jatin ka matlab kya hai, jatin means sage or muni. Par tum to kuch aur hi ho” —- ritu ne kaha
“mujhe pata hai jatin ka matlab kya hai ritu, aur ish naam ke gun bachpan se mere ander hain” — maine kaha.
“Acha chalo chhodo, mujhe ab ye bataao ki tum kaun si duniya mein chale gaye the ki apni didi ko bhi dekhne nahi aaye” — ritu ne gambhir ho kar kaha.
“Theek hai ritu tumhe aaj sab kuch bataaunga, ye bhi bataaunga ki main kahaan tha aur apni jeendagi ke baare mein bhi bataaunga, chalo kishi restaurant mein chalte hain, baat lambi hai, yahaan khade khade thak jaayenge” — maine kaha.
“Theek hai main shun-na chaahti hun billu….mm matlab jatin…… sorry aage se tumhe bas jatin hi kahungi, lekin yahin baat karenge, restaurant jaane mein vakt lagega, main aur intezaar nahi kar sakti” — ritu ne kaha.
“pehli baar meri jaan itne pyar se mili hai, restaurant to tumhe ley jaana hi padega, chalo na please araam se baat karenge” — maine kaha
“kya main tumhaari jaan hun jatin” — ritu ne meri aur dekh kar pucha.
“Haan ritu, you are my life, infact you are my god, tabhi to main aaj phir yahaan kheencha chala aaya, aur bhagvaan ka chamatkaar dekho aaj tum mere shaamne aankho mein pyar ley kar khadi ho. We are in love, hain na ritu” —- maine kaha
“tum mujhe pehle ye bataao ki kahaan the tum? , baaki ki baate baad mein karenge. Thodi der khade rah kar thak nahi jaayenge, jaldi bataao, kahan the” —- ritu ne kaha.
Maine phir ritu ko restaurant ke liye insist nahi kiya. Hum dono vahin divaar ke saath ek dushre ki aur muh karke khade ho gaye.
“Ritu mai 8 march ko bahut dukhi man se tumhaare ghar se chala tha. agle din ki delhi ki ticket book karva rakhi thi. par kishmat ko kuch aur hi manjoor tha. main delhi jaane ki bajaaye pune pahunch gaya” —- maine kaha
“pune !! pune kya karne gaye the” —- ritu ne pucha

 

[Mr.X]

in my words :—–
ye ek alag hi kahaani hai. bachpan se main thoda spiritual raha hun. aksar shaant jagah dekh kar main aankhe band karke baith jaata tha. tumhe ye baat thodi ajeeb lagegi lekin ye sach hai.
Ek baar school mein history ke teacher ne bhagvaan buddh ki kahaani shunaayi thi. ush kahaani ki kuch khaas panktiyaan mujhe aaj tak yaad hain.
Kahaani ke anushaar bhagvaan buddh ko bodhvriksha ke neeche enligtenment huyi thi. mere man mein bachpan se ye sawaal baar baar aaya hai ki kya hai ye enlightenment.
Pata to kuch tha nahin. main aksar shaant jagah dekh kar chupchaap aankhe band karke baith jaaya karta tha. kyonki maine shuna tha ki bhagvaan buddh bhi aankhe band karke baitha karte the. par kabhi kuch khaas ahsaash nahi huva.
Jab bhi aankhe band karta tha to bas andhera hi deekhta tha. vaise bachpan mein itna kuch pata bhi nahi tha meditation ke baare mein. Lekin pata nahin kyon main phir bhi kuch na kuch try karta rahta tha
Didi jab mujhe kabhi aisi haalat mein dekhti thi to kahti thi, “jatin kya koyi jholachaap baba ban-ne ka iraada hai, chalo padhaayi karo”
Didi aksar mujhe jatin kah kar hi bulaati thi. vaise har koyi mujhe bachpan se billu kah kar hi bulaata hai
Maine Osho ki maditation practices ke baare mein kaafi shun rakha tha. par kabhi kishi jagah ja kar try nahi kiya tha.
Jab main ush din tumhaare ghar se nikla tha to man bahut jyada udaas tha. delhi jaane ka bilkul man nahi tha. aur main mumbai mein ruk kar tumhe aur jyada pareshaan nahi karna chaahta tha.
Pune mein jo osho ashram hai ushke baare mein kaafi shun rakha tha. man mein achaanak ek vichaar aaya ki chalo pune chalta hun aur kuch maditation sikhta hun, shaayad dukhi man ko kuch shaanti mil jaaye.
Maine jeendagi mein tumhe barbaad karne ke alaawa koyi bura kaam nahi kiya. Par tumhe barbaad karna hi mera sabse bada paap ban gaya. Agar ush vakt tum mujhe apna leti to mere dil ka bojh halka ho jaata, par aisa ho nahi paaya. tumhe paane ki ummeed kho chuka tha. aise mein meditation mein mujhe roshni ki ek kiran nazar aa rahi thi.
Maine shun rakha tha ki meditation mein inshaan mar kar ek naya janam leta hai. aur ish tarah main apne ander ke ush billu ko maarne nikal pada jishe tum jaanti thi
Aur ish tarah mein pune pahunch gaya
Mera ek college ka friend, madan pune mein ek call center mein laga hai. mujhe bhi ushne vahi lagva diya. madan bhi osho ke ashram jaata rahta tha. maine 4-5 baar ashram ja kar dynamic meditation seekh li. Ushke baad mein madan ke ghar par roj subah dynamic meditation karne laga.
Dynamic meditation ka 3 mahine ka ek pura complete cycle hota hai. ishe pura kar liya jaaye to inshaan ko kuch bahut gahre ahsaash hote hain. Unko shabdo mein nahi kaha ja sakta.
Pure 3 mahine maine ye meditation ki. kabhi madan ke ghar par aur kabhi ashram par. Ish meditaion ne meri jeendagi badal di. Main billu se jatin ban gaya. Pehle bas naam ka jatin tha. ish meditation ke baad sach mein jatin ban gaya.
“hmm…. to tum meditation seekh rahe the, ishliye apni didi ko dekhne nahi aaye, mujhe ye sab shun kar bilkul acha nahi lag raha jatin. Kuch kaam aise hote hain jinhe aap kabhi nahi taal sakte. Tum apni didi ko bhula kar aatma parmaatma ke chakkar mein pad gaye, kya tumhe nahi lagta ki tumne bahut galat kiya hai, aur tum meditation seekhne bhi kahaan gaye,….ek sex guru ke asharam mein, lagta hai tum khud ko dhoka de rahe ho” ritu ne kaha
“aisi baat nahi hai main didi ko ush haalat mein tv par hi nahi dekh paaya to vaha ja kar kaise dekh leta. Mere ander itni himmat nahi thi ritu. Maine to ish baat ko hi swikaar nahi kiya ki vo meri didi hi thi. haan par aaj baat dushri hai. aaj main bahut shaant hun. 3 mahine jo maine meditation ki hai, ushne meri jeendagi badal di hai. vaise kaafi had tak to tumhaare pyar mein main badal hi chuka tha, baaki ka kaam ish mediatation ne kar diya aur ish tarah billu maara gaya. Aur haan osho par sex guru ka thappa vo log lagaate hain jo sex mein upar se neeche tak dube huve hain, maine osho ko khub padha hai unhone kabhi sex ko promote nahi kiya” —- maine kaha.
“Mujhe laga sanjay ne tumhaare saath kuch aisa vaisa kar diya. vo ush din jish din tum aakhri baar letter daalne aaye the, tumhaare peeche hi gaya tha. ushne mujhe bataaya tha ki ushne tumhaare tukde tukde karke mumbai ke naalo mein baha diye. Main ye shun kar soch baithi thi ki ab tum ish duniya mein nahi ho” —- ritu ne kaha
“ritu inshaan frustration mein kaafi kuch bol jaata hai. sanjay ne yu hi tumhe pareshaan karne ke liye bol diya hoga. This is natural tendancy of frustrated person” ———- maine kaha
“par mujhe lagta hai ki tumhe ek baar to kavita ke liye aana chaahiye tha” — ritu ne kaha

 

[Mr.X]

“ye baat main ab samajh raha hun, par pehle himmat nahi thi. mere dil mein jo didi ki ek shunder tasvir thi ushe hata kar main ek kankaal vaha nahi beethaana chaahta tha” —- maine kaha
phir hum thodi der shaant khade rahe. Meri nazar ritu ke chehre par gayi to vahin ja kar tik gayi. main ritu ko pyar se dekhne laga. pehli baar vo dil mein pyar ley kar mere paas khadi thi. bahut pyara ahsaash ho raha tha mujhe ush vakt
“kya dekh rahe ho” —- ritu ne pucha
“apni jaan ko dekh raha hun ki kaisi hai meri jaan, bahut pyari lag rahi ho, I love you” — maine kaha.
“Jatin mujhe maaf kardo maine ush din mandir ke baahar tumhe na jaane kya kya bol diya tha” —- ritu ne kaha
“I love you ritu” —– maine kaha
“jatin main kah rahi thi ki mujhe maaf kardo maine ush din mandir ke baahar tumhe na jaane kya kya bol diya tha” —– ritu ne kaha
main itna bhaavuk ho raha tha ki mujhe kuch nahi shun raha tha. maine phir apne pyar ka izhaar kiya
“I love you ritu, do you love me” ? —- maine pucha
“tumhe meri aankho mein kya nazar aa raha hai, jatin” —– ritu ne bade pyar se meri aankho mein dekh kar pucha.
“Pyar nazar aa raha hai, ish samunder se bhi gahra pyar nazar aa raha hai, jishke kinaare hum khade hain, aisa kaise ho gaya ritu” —- maine bhaavuk ho kar pucha
“pata nahi jatin, main khud hairaan hun ki mein kaise tumhe pyar kar sakti hun, par jo bhi hai ye sach hai ki I love you, kya tumhe pata hai ki tum mujhe kyon pyar karte ho” —- ritu ne pucha
maine kaha, “nahi pata, bas itna pata hai ki tumhaare bina jee nahi sakta, meditation mein bahut gahre ahsaash pa kar bhi tumhe bhula nahi paaya. abhi kuch dino pehle mere saath kuch ajeeb huva. mein dynamic meditation karne ke baad shaanti se aankh band karke baith gaya, pata hai mujhe apne ander kya deekhaayi diya”
“kya deekhaayi diya jatin” —- ritu ne pucha
“mujhe tum deekhaayi di ritu, bade pyar se mushkura rahi thi. ush din maine decide kiya ki dynamic meditation khatam karke tumhe dekhne mumbai aaunga. Aur dekho aaj main aa gaya. Par aaj pata chala ki vo bhagvaan ka sanket tha ki jao, tumhaara pyar tumhe bula raha hai. dekho aaj tum aankho mein pyar ley kar mere saamne khadi ho, lagta hai mujhe sab kuch mil gaya. I love you ritu, I realy love you a lot” —- maine bhaavuk ho kar kaha
aakhri ki lines bolte huve meri aankho mein aanshu utar aaye.
“tumhaare ishi pyar ne mere man mein pyar jagaaya hai, varna to main tumse bahut nafrat karti thi” —- ritu ne bhi bhaavuk ho kar kaha
maine dekha ki ritu ki bhi bolte bolte aankhe bhar aayi thi.
love is really a very wonderfull gift of god. Ush vakt mujhe aisa lag raha tha ki main chaand par pahunch gaya hun. khud ko bahut halka mahsush kar raha tha.
maine ritu ke kandhe ki aur haath badhaaya
“nahin, mujhe chuna mat, maine kaha na mere pyar ka ye matlab nahin hai ki tum mere sharir se kheloge” —– ritu ne meri aankho mein dekh kar kaha
maine apna haath vaapis kheench liya. main bas ushe chu kar kahna chaahta tha ki tum meri jeendagi ho. Par ushki baat mujhe bilkul buri nahi lagi. vaise bhi jo aapki jaan ho ushki baat kya kabhi buri lagti hai.
“ritu mujh se shaadi karogi” ——- maine bahut bhaavuk ho kar pucha
ritu thodi der tak mujhe dekhti rahi aur phir apni nazre jhuka li. Main badi besabri se ushke jawaab ka intezaar kar raha tha.
“jatin main aaj tumhaare liye kuch bhi karne ko taiyaar hun, pyar jo ho gaya hai tumse, par ek baat se pareshaan hun ki hamaari shaadi ka aadhaar kya hoga” —- ritu ne pucha
“kya ish pyar ke baad kishi aadhaar ki jaroorat rah gayi hai ritu, ye apne aap mein sabse bada aadhaar hai” —- maine kaha
“kya log ye nahi samjhenge ki hamaari shaadi ka aadhaar havash hai” —- ritu ne kaha
“kya tumhe aaj bhi vo sab kuch yaad hai jo hamne havash mein dub kar kiya tha” —- maine pucha
“nahin main to ushe bahut pehle bhula chuki hun, tabhi to tumhe baar baar kah rahin hun ki mujhe chuna mat, main ush paap ko ek pal ko bhi yaad nahi karna chaahti” —- ritu ne kaha
“main bhi aaj vo sab kuch bhula chuka hun ritu. Tabhi maine kaha ki vo billu mar chuka hai. aaj bas ish dil mein pyar hai.peechle dino maine kuch yaad kiya to vo din tha jish din tumne mujhe yaha gale lagaaya tha. main bhi ush paap ko yaad nahi karna chaahta. Hum dono ish jeendagi mein bahut neeche gire the. Aaj badi mushkil se sambhlein hain. Yaha se hamein ek nayi shuruvaat karni hai. hamaari shaadi ka aadhaar ye pyar hai ritu aur kuch nahin. tum kahogi to main tumhe jeendagi bhar nahi chuvunga, aaj mere dil mein bas pyar hai, havash ko main bahut peeche chhod chuka hun” —— maine kaha
“tumhaari baate mere dil ko chu rahi hain jatin, par bahut mushkilein hain hamaari shaadi mein. Main samajh nahi pa rahin hun ki apne papa ko kya kahungi. Maine aaj tak unki baat nahi taali hai. papa mujhe sidharth ke saath shaadi karne ko kah rahe the. maine unhe kah diya tha ki main sidharth se shaadi nahi karungi aur apni jeendagi ka safar akele taiy karungi. Ab unhe kish muh se kahungi ki main shaadi karna chaahti hun, vo bhi ush inshaan se jishke kaaran meri pehli shaadi tuti hai. vo yahi samjhenge ki main havash mein andhi ho gayi hun. unhe kaise samjhaaungi ye pyar jo hamein khud bhi abhi tak samajh nahi aaya hai. chalo hum to phir bhi samajh hi rahe hain, ye duniya kabhi nahi samjhegi jatin. ab tum hi bataao ki kya karun main” ——- ritu ne meri aankho mein dekh kar kaha
ye shun kar meri aankhe nam ho gayi. maine kaha, “ to ishka matlab tum mujh se shaadi nahi karogi, hain na, kyonki ish duniya ko ye pyar samajh nahi aayega. tum mujhe ye bataao ki aaj tak kish ka pyar ish duniya ko samajh aaya hai, jo hamaara aayega. agar sab log aisa sochenge to koyi pyar ko anjaam tak ley jaane ki himmat nahi karega. Bada dukh huva tumhaare muh se ye sab shun kar. Par chalo chhodo”
“nahin jatin tum mujhe galat samajh rahe ho, maine kaha na ki main tumhaare liye kuch bhi karungi, tumhe pyar jo kiya hai, main to bas apni duvidha tumhe bata rahi thi. please don’t mind. I love you. Main tumhaari hun jatin. Please don’t take me wrong” —– ritu ne kaha
“kya sach kah rahi ho ritu ? please main tumhaare liye bahut emotional hun, mujhe saaf saaf kah do ki kya tum mujh se shaadi karogi. Main sach jaan-na chaahta hun. I don’t want to force you into any thing now. Jo bhi man mein ho bol do” maine kaha
“bataao kab karni hai shaadi jatin, main taiyaar hun. main bas apni concern bata rahi thi. mere liye apne ghar walo ko samjhaana mushkil hoga. Khaaskar mere papa ye baat nahi samjhenge. Par ye jeendagi meri hai. tumhe apna dil diya hai. ab ish pyar ke liye main kishi bhi anjaam tak jaane ko taiyaar hun. pata hai tum yaha nahi the to main har pal tumhe dekhne ke liye tarasti thi. har taraf meri nazre tumhe dhundati thi. aaj bhi jab khidki se tumhe jaate huve dekha to bhaag kar tumse milne yaha chali aayi. Jeetna tum mujhe pyar karte ho utna hi main bhi karti hun. jaldi se date decide kar lo main taiyaar hun. par yaad rakhna shaadi koyi khel nahi hai. bahut badi zeemmedaari hoti hai shaadi ke baad. Kya tumhe yakin hai ki tum ye zeemmedaari neebha paaoge” —- ritu ne kaha.
“Bilkul ritu maine to apne parivar ke liye bahut kuch soch rakha hai. main umar mein tumse chhota sahi par tazurbein mein tumse kahin aage hun. bahut kuch seekha hai ish chhoti se jeendagi mein. Tum chinta mat karo main ek pati ke saare farz nibhaaunga.” —- maine kaha
“par jatin, mujhe khud par yakin nahin hai ki main ek patni ke saare farz nibha paaungi ya nahi. mujhe ek moka dena jatin. Main puri koshis karungi” —- ritu ne kaha
ritu ne ye baat meri aankho mein dekh kar kuch ish tarah kahi ki main madhosh ho gaya.
Man kar raha tha ki ritu ko gale laga lun. Par main jaanta tha ki vo aisa hargeez nahi karne degi.
Kuch na kuch karne ka mera man to tha, jish se ki apne dil ki bhaavnaao ko deekha sakun.
Maine apne anguthe ko daanto se cheer diya aur ushmein se jo khun nikla ushe jhat se ritu ki maang mein bhar diya
“Jatin ye kya kiya, paagal ho gaye ho kya” ? ritu ne thoda gusse mein kaha.
“Mita do agar chaaho to, par tum ab meri patni ho, mujhe ish duniya se koyi matlab nahi hai” —– maine kaha
“main ishe mitaane ko nahi kah rahin hun, main to ye kah rahi thi ki ye angutha cheerne ki kya jaroorat thi tumhe. Main vaise bhi ab tumhaari hi hun” —- ritu ne bhaavuk ho kar kaha
“bas tumhe gale lagaana chaah raha tha. samajh nahi aa raha tha ki kaise apne dil ki bhaavna ko tumhe deekhaaun. Ishliye apne khun se tumhaari maang bhar di” —- maine kaha
ush vakt hum thodi der bina kuch kahe khade rahe. Hum dono ki aankho mein aanshu the. Kuch nahi pata tha ki hamaare riste ka matlab kya hai, par hum dono ek dushre ke saath chalne ko taiyaar the. Pyar bhi ajeeb cheez hai. ishko samajhna sach mein bahut mushkil kaam hai.
kab raat ke 9 baj gaye pata hi nahi chala.
“Chalein ab jatin, kaafi andhera ho gaya hai, mujhe andhere se dar lagta hai” —– ritu ne kaha
aur ish tarah hamaari khaamosi tuti.
“Theek hai chalte hain, ab mujhe shaadi ka intezaam bhi karna hai, kaafi kuch sochna padega. chalo sab manage ho jaayega, hamaara pyar hamaare saath hai na. Filhaal chalte hain” —- maine kaha.

 

[Mr.X]

“haan chalo baaki ki baatein baad mein karenge” — ritu ne kaha
“ruko pehle ish jagah ka dhanyavaad karte hain. Ish jagah ne hamaare pyar ke phool ko kheelte huve dekha hai. yaha hum chaaro taraf apne pyar ki khusboo chhod kar ja rahein hain. Chalo aankhe band karke ish jagah ka sukriya karein aur bhagvaan se duva karein ki yaha jo bhi aaye man mein pyar aur shaanti ley kar jaaye” —- maine kaha
“tum to koyi philosopher ban kar lote ho. Ye kya meditation ka asar hai, ya phir kuch aur jo main nahi jaanti” —– ritu ne kaha
“mujhe nahi pata kishka asar hai, haan par tumhaare pyar ka bahut gahra asar hai mujh par. Aaj bahut jyada khus hun. aaj tumhe aakhri baar dekhne aaya tha aur dekho tum hamesha ke liye meri ho gayi. meri jaan aaj meri patni ban gayi” ——– maine kaha
ritu ne kuch nahi kaha aur nazre jhuka kar mushkura di. Bahut pyari lagti hai ritu aise nazre jhuka kar mushkuraate huve. Ush vakt main bahut khus tha ki ritu ab meri jeendagi mein aa gayi hai.
“chalo ab aankhe band karke prayer karein, phir chalte hain” — maine ritu se kaha...
hum dono ne aankhe band karke man hi man prayer ki aur phir saath saath ritu ke ghar ki aur chal pade.
Hum dono raaste bhar apne khaayalo mein khoye rahe aur ek dushre se kuch nahi kaha. Bas chalte chalte ek dushre ki taraf dekh kar mushkura dete the.
Ritu ka flat kab a gaya pata hi nahi chala. Main man hi man duva kar raha tha ki ritu ka ghar thodi der aur na aaye aur hum yu hi saath saath chalte rahein. Par ghar kaafi nazdeek tha. hum bahut jaldi vahaan pahunch gaye.
“Theek hai ritu tumhaara ghar aa gaya, ab tum jao, main chalta hun” —- maine kaha
“kahan jaaoge, jatin” ? — ritu ne pucha
“tum meri chinta mat karo, main chala jaaunga, bahut theekane hain rukne ke mere paas, aur phir hotel to hai hi” —- maine kaha
“kya tum hotel mein rukoge ?? , ye ghar ab tumhaara hai jatin, 3 bedroom hain ghar mein. Mujhe acha lagega agar tum mere saath rahoge to” —- ritu ne kaha
ye shun kar dil bahut bhaavuk ho gaya. Itna pyar aur sammaan de rahi thi ritu ki dil thaame nahi tham raha tha. lag raha tha ki main ro padunga.
maine man hi man socha ki ritu ka man vaakayi mein ushke sharir se bhi jyada shunder hai. vaise mujhe ye baat hamesha se pata thi ki vo ek achi inshaan hai.
maine kaha, “nahi ritu samjha karo, kishi ne dekh liya to bevajah badnaami hogi. ab bas shaadi karne ke baad hi ish ghar mein ghusunga. Aur vaise bhi main bahut bhaavuk ho raha hun tumhaare liye. tumhaare saath ruk gaya to kahin bahak na jaaun”
“tumhaari taange tod dungi tum bahak kar to deekhaao, ab main vo ritu nahin hun jo tumhaare bahkaave mein aa jaaungi” — ritu ne kaha
“pata hai, ab tum jhansi ki rani ban chuki ho. Mujhe to khud tumse dar lagne laga hai….hehehe… Pata nahi kab talvaar se mujhe kaat daalo. Ek baat bataao kya tumhe bandook chalaani aati hai” —- maine pucha
“nahin… kyon kya huva” —- ritu ne pucha
“sukar hai, varna to ush din jangal mein tum mera bheja uda deti. Maine socha bhi nahi tha ki tum pistol ley kar fire bhi kar sakti ho. Meri taang se goli cho kar nikal gayi varna jeendagi bhar langda kar chalna padta” —- maine kaha
“sorry jatin ush vakt haalaat hi kuch aise the. Mujhe tum se itni nafrat thi ki tumhe maar dena chaahti thi. Haan par aaj tumhe bahut pyar karti hun. tum aao to sahi. Hum alag alag bedroom mein shoyenge. Ab tum mere pati ho jatin. Meri maang apne khun se kya majaak mein bhari thi tumne” —- ritu ne kaha
“Ab aisi baate mat karo main ro padunga, kyon itna pyar de rahi ho. Sambhaalna mushkil ho raha hai. Main samajh sakta hun ki tumhe meri chinta hai. don’t worry about me jaan, I will be fine. Abhi jaane do. Shaadi ke baare mein bhi planning karni hai. bahut jaldi mein tumhe sab kuch final karke bata dunga. Now you go and take care. Haan apna mobile number de do kuch kaam huva to phone karunga” —- maine kaha
“theek hai jatin, jaisa tum theek samjho, apna khyaal rakhna aur phir se kahin gaayab mat ho jaana” —- ritu ne kaha
maine ritu se mobile number ley liya.
ritu good night kah kar ghar mein chali gayi. main ushe jaate huve dekhta raha.
ghar mein jaate hi vo khidki mein aa gayi. maine ushe bye kiya aur chal pada.
Jaate huve mein baar baar khidki ki aur dekh raha tha. ritu ke chehre par bahut pyare bhaav the. Mujhe hamaare beech ek pyara sa rista banta nazar aa raha tha.